If Life Were Like A Computer

假如生活是一臺(tái)電腦

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys. To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”! If you mess up your life, you could always press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!

你可以通過(guò)控制面板增加或者刪除一些人；可以把孩子放進(jìn)回收站，然后在你喜歡的時(shí)候再還原?？梢酝ㄟ^(guò)調(diào)整顯示器的設(shè)置讓外表更好看；可以在吵鬧的時(shí)候關(guān)掉音箱；可以點(diǎn)擊“搜索”找到丟失了的遙控器和車鑰匙；鍛煉身體的時(shí)候，點(diǎn)擊“運(yùn)行”。要是你的生活一團(tuán)糟，同時(shí)按下“Ctrl, Alt, Delete”鍵，一切重新開(kāi)始。

Are You a Normal Person？

你是正常人嗎？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?” “Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.”“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup.” “Noooooooo!”answered the director. “A normalperson would pull the plug.”

參觀一所精神病院的時(shí)候一個(gè)參觀者問(wèn)院長(zhǎng)，“你們是用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來(lái)決定一個(gè)人是否應(yīng)該被關(guān)進(jìn)精神病院呢？”“呃……”院長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“是這樣，我們先給一個(gè)浴缸放滿水，然后我們給病人一個(gè)調(diào)茶匙，一個(gè)茶杯和一個(gè)水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清?！?“噢，我明白了”， 參觀者說(shuō)。“一個(gè)正常人會(huì)選擇水桶， 因?yàn)樗氨炔璩?，茶杯的體積大?！薄板e(cuò)了”，院長(zhǎng)回答“正常人會(huì)把浴缸塞子拔掉。”

Turn Off Your Cell Phone

關(guān)掉你的手機(jī)

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started walking her way out. “Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.” By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was feeling a little impatient, so I said, “Couldnt you have done this a little earlier?” “No!!” she said in a loud whisper. “The ‘Turn Off Your Cell Phone, Please message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car.”

那天晚上我們?nèi)タ措娪?，和往常一樣我坐在靠走廊的座位上，因?yàn)槲矣X(jué)得這里更寬敞。就在即將放映的時(shí)候，坐在中間位置的一位女士站起來(lái)往外走?！皠隈{，噢,不好意思，請(qǐng)?jiān)?，噢?！彼叩轿遗赃叺臅r(shí)候，我試圖繞過(guò)她看后面的屏幕。我有點(diǎn)不耐煩：“你就不能早點(diǎn)出去嗎？”“不能！”她大聲說(shuō)，“屏幕上打出了‘請(qǐng)關(guān)掉手機(jī)，而我的在車?yán)??！?/p>