Andrew Bridge is on a mission: To fix the foster care system that he barely survived.

安德魯#8226;布雷治身負(fù)一項(xiàng)使命: 建立健全寄養(yǎng)兒童保護(hù)機(jī)制。

First-Hand Experience

親身經(jīng)歷

\"My name is Andrew Bridge. I'm a lawyer - your lawyer，\" I said to the pale， thin boy in front of me， who looked about 13 years old.

“我叫安德魯#8226;布里吉，是你的律師?！?我對(duì)面前這個(gè)面色蒼白，體格瘦弱，看起來(lái)大概13歲左右的小男孩說(shuō)。

He lived at the Eufaula Adolescent Center in Eufaula， Alabama， which I was visiting in the mid-1990s as part of the discovery process in a class action lawsuit against the facility. His parents had committed him to the care of the state， but for several days， the boy had been down in the basement， in isolation. I'd been startled to find him sleeping on a bare mattress， cold and alone. In a review of therapy and progress notes， our clinical expert concluded that nearly 30 percent of the children were disciplined in this way， banished to the basement at some point during their stay.

他住在位于阿拉巴馬州的幼發(fā)拉青少年中心(20世紀(jì)90年代中期我曾到此，作為抗議收容所的集體訴訟的一員搜集證據(jù))。他是由父母送至此處的。然而有很多天， 他都被隔離在地下室里。當(dāng)我看見(jiàn)他獨(dú)自睡在一張光禿禿的墊子上凍得瑟瑟發(fā)抖時(shí)，心里倏地一驚。根據(jù)專家對(duì)這些孩子的照管進(jìn)程記錄分析總結(jié)，他們當(dāng)中30%的人受管教的方式就是被關(guān)地下室。

It had become my life's work to improve this child's circumstances-and that of many other kids like him. I， too， had lived under the care of the state. I remembered the loneliness， the fear， the deprivation. I thought of how I'd meet a lawyer or social worker for the first time. So， tell me about yourself… I hear you're good at school… Your foster parents and I are proud of you… I'll call you. I wanted these children to be treated more thoughtfully. I wanted their physical and emotional well-being to be of paramount importance to the adults charged with their care.

改善這個(gè)孩子以及其他很多像他這樣孩子的處境，早已成為我畢生的事業(yè)。因?yàn)槲易约阂苍谑杖菟钸^(guò)，那些孤獨(dú)、恐懼、屈辱我不會(huì)忘記。我想起了第一次與一位律師或者社會(huì)工作者見(jiàn)面的場(chǎng)景：來(lái)，跟我說(shuō)說(shuō)你自己吧……我聽(tīng)說(shuō)你在學(xué)校品學(xué)兼優(yōu)，你的養(yǎng)父母很為你驕傲……我會(huì)打電話給你。我希望人們以正確的方式對(duì)待這些孩子，希望負(fù)責(zé)照管他們的成年人能越來(lái)越多地關(guān)注他們的身心健康。

\"Why did the staff put you down here?\" I asked the boy.

“他們?yōu)槭裁窗涯惴旁谶@里呢？”我問(wèn)男孩。

\"I wouldn't get out of bed before school，\" he replied.

“我不肯起床去學(xué)校?！?他答道。

Had his parents visited him? They hadn't， though his father had called. \"And your mom? What about her?\"

他的父母來(lái)探望過(guò)他嗎？沒(méi)有——雖然他的父親打過(guò)電話?！澳悄銒寢屇?？她的想法呢？”

\"She won't tell me， but I know she wants me back.\"

“她不說(shuō)，但我知道她想讓我回去?！?/p>

Serious family troubles had landed him here， but his living conditions seemed cruel and unusual-hence the lawsuit and my work on his behalf. Veering off the usual lawyerly script， I asked， \"Is there anything you want? Is there anything you need me to do?\"

一系列嚴(yán)重的家庭問(wèn)題使他只能來(lái)這，但其生活境況很悲慘，也就有了訴訟，由我負(fù)責(zé)維護(hù)他的權(quán)益?？赐赀@份普通的文件，我問(wèn)他:“你有什么想要的”，“你想要我為你做些什么？”

\"Would you tell my mom I'm sorry? That she can come see me now?\"

“你能告訴我媽媽說(shuō)我很抱歉嗎？她現(xiàn)在能來(lái)看我嗎？”

I had no idea who his mother was. But my presence that day helped him get moved back into the boys' dorm， and he was later taken to another facility (Eufaula was closed in 1996).

我不清楚他母親是誰(shuí)，但我那天的出現(xiàn)讓他搬回了男生宿舍。之后他又被轉(zhuǎn)移至其它機(jī)構(gòu)（因?yàn)橛装l(fā)拉青少年中心于1996年關(guān)閉了）。

Whatever had happened between this boy and his mother， I knew he would never forget her-as I had not forgotten mine.

不管男孩與他的母親之間有什么隔閡，我知道他不會(huì)忘記她——正如我不會(huì)忘記我的母親！

\"Please Don't Hurt My Mom\"

“請(qǐng)不要傷害我的媽媽”

With dark hair， and eyes to match， my mother， Hope， was attractive and fun-loving. She was smart and said that I was too. But the demons of mental illness began cutting her down in the prime of her life. Sometimes voices spoke to her. She couldn't hold a job. We'd been forced to scrounge for food in dumpsters.

我的母親霍普有著深色頭發(fā)和一雙與其相稱的眸子，她個(gè)性極具吸引力，富有情趣。并且說(shuō)我和她一樣智慧。然而，在她的金色華年，病魔來(lái)襲，摧殘著她的精神健康。她無(wú)力工作，我們有一度甚至在垃圾箱里找吃的。

One Saturday morning in 1970， when I was seven， I walked down the wide， empty sidewalks of the Los Angeles neighborhood where she and I had lived for two years. The local deli owner used to smile whenever I came in by myself. I'd hand him cash or a promissory note from my mother， and he'd give me a pack of cigarettes for her. This time， he was distant.

1970年的一個(gè)周六早晨，7歲的我走在我們?cè)盍藘赡甑穆迳即壸≌瑓^(qū)外面寬闊而空曠的人行道上。以前，當(dāng)我一個(gè)人走進(jìn)這里的商店，老板總會(huì)沖我微笑。我遞給他母親給我的現(xiàn)金或貨票，他會(huì)遞上母親要的煙。而這次，他拒絕了。

Perhaps a stranger had stopped in and asked about me. Maybe the owner was afraid that selling cigarettes to a child had gotten him in trouble. Whatever the reason， he refused to sell me the pack.

也許是因?yàn)橐粋€(gè)過(guò)路人曾攔住我盤(pán)問(wèn)的緣故，也許是商店老板害怕向一個(gè)小孩出售香煙會(huì)給自己帶來(lái)麻煩。不管是為什么，他不再賣給我煙了。

I began walking back to the motel where my mother and I were staying when a county sheriff's car swung around the corner， keeping pace behind me. I crossed the street. The car followed me for more than a block before finally pulling up. The deputy rolled down the window.

我開(kāi)始往我和母親住的汽車旅館走。有一輛在街角巡邏的警車開(kāi)了過(guò)來(lái)，跟在我身后。我穿過(guò)街道，警車尾隨我穿越了一個(gè)街區(qū)多的距離，終于停了下來(lái)，車窗搖下了。

\"Are you Andy?\" he asked.

“你是安迪嗎?” 車?yán)锏木靻?wèn)我。

I stood motionless and answered， \"Yes.\"

我站著沒(méi)動(dòng)，答道:“是的?！?/p>

\"Get in，\" he said. I opened the back door and obediently did as he said. As the car approached the motel， I saw my mother out on the sidewalk， barefoot. She was arguing with a well-dressed woman-a social worker， I learned later.

“上車，”他說(shuō)。我打開(kāi)車后門(mén)聽(tīng)話地上了車。快到旅館時(shí)，我看見(jiàn)母親光腳站在人行道上，與一名衣著光鮮的婦女爭(zhēng)辯著什么（后來(lái)得知那名婦女是一位社會(huì)工作者）。

The deputy parked. Forgetting me in the backseat， he ran out to protect the woman from my mother， who was now screaming， inches from her face.

警長(zhǎng)把車停了下來(lái)。他好像忘記了后座上我的存在，沖出車去保護(hù)那個(gè)女人，而我的母親在沖著她的臉尖叫。

My mind raced. Please don't hurt her. Leave her alone.

我不知所措了。請(qǐng)不要傷害她，離她遠(yuǎn)些。

\"Where Are You Taking Me?\"

“你要帶我去哪？”

The deputy grabbed my mother's shoulder and shoved her away， but she returned with greater rage. When he grabbed for her again， I raced to protect her. She reached out and wrapped her arms around me.

那警察抓住母親的肩膀推開(kāi)了她，但這使她更加憤怒地再次沖上去。當(dāng)他第二次抓住她，我快速跑上前去保護(hù)母親。她伸出胳膊摟住了我。

For a few seconds， we stayed like that. Then the social worker yanked me into her car， and the deputy descended on my mother， pinning her facedown on the sidewalk.

我們保持這個(gè)姿勢(shì)站了幾秒。那個(gè)社工突然將我猛扯進(jìn)她的車內(nèi)。而警察在打我的母親，拉著她的頭朝下壓在人行道上。

My head rang. Please don't hurt her. Leave her alone.

我驚慌失措。請(qǐng)不要傷害她。離她遠(yuǎn)些。

As the social worker drove away and tried to comfort me， I wondered who had betrayed my mother and me. Was it our former landlord， looking for unpaid rent? Was it my school， when I failed to arrive for second grade? Each time I asked a question， the social worker replied with an ill-fitting answer.

社工將車開(kāi)遠(yuǎn)，試圖安慰我。而我想知道到底是誰(shuí)出賣了我的母親和我。是想要追討房租的前房東嗎？是我的學(xué)校，因我未升入二年級(jí)？我每問(wèn)一個(gè)問(wèn)題，社工的回答都讓我極其不滿。

\"Did the police take my mom?\" I wondered.

“警察帶走我媽媽了？” 我問(wèn)道。

\"Priscilla will be fine，\" she said.

“普里西拉會(huì)沒(méi)事的?！?她說(shuō)。

\"Can she sleep at the motel tonight?\"

“她今晚會(huì)在旅館住嗎?”

\"Priscilla will come to see you soon.\"

“普里西拉很快會(huì)來(lái)看你的?！?/p>

\"Did the policeman let her get her clothes?\"

“警察允許她帶衣服了嗎？”

\"Priscilla can take care of herself.\"

“普里西拉能照顧自己。”

My mother hated her first name. She insisted on using her middle name， Hope， and no one who knew her and cared for her used any other. A small point for an adult， maybe. But I was seven years old， beginning a long trip， and only the words Mom and Hope mattered to me.

我母親一直都討厭自己的名字。她堅(jiān)持用中名，霍普。認(rèn)識(shí)和關(guān)心她的人也都這樣叫她。對(duì)于大人，這只是個(gè)小事情。但對(duì)剛剛開(kāi)始人生旅途的7歲的我而言，對(duì)我有意義的只有“媽媽”和“霍普”這兩個(gè)詞。

Los Angeles County had no place to put me other than an enormous holding facility for children called MacLaren Hall. As the social worker drove me to the forbidding cinder block compound， she outlined a well-rehearsed set of tasks. First I would go to MacLaren. Then I would go to a temporary foster home. After that， I'd go to a long-term foster home. Finally， I would return to Priscilla.

在洛杉磯縣，除了一個(gè)名叫麥可萊倫的青少年收容所，我無(wú)處可去。社工將我?guī)У揭粋€(gè)禁止閑雜人入內(nèi)滿是煤灰的街道社區(qū)，她列出了一套縝密的任務(wù)計(jì)劃：首先我得去麥可萊倫，然后去臨時(shí)收養(yǎng)之家。此后，我會(huì)被某個(gè)家庭長(zhǎng)期收養(yǎng)。最終將回到普里西拉身邊。

I only had to wait and count each step: one， two， three， home. Things didn't happen quite that way.

我只有等著，數(shù)著步驟：一、二、三、回家。但卻事與愿違。

Far From Home

家在千里之遙

For several weeks， I lived a nightmarish existence at MacLaren - banished to an isolated cell at one point over a misunderstanding about how and when to use the showers at night. Then I was driven to the Los Angeles County criminal court building with a bunch of other MacLaren kids. I was unsure why I was there until I saw her.

開(kāi)始的幾周，我在麥可萊倫的生活如噩夢(mèng)一般，因?yàn)椴磺宄归g使用淋浴的時(shí)間和方法，我被趕到一間隔離室。后又與來(lái)自麥可萊倫的其他一些孩子被趕到洛杉磯犯罪法庭。我不明白為何，直到我看見(jiàn)了她。

My mother waited in the courtroom on the spectator side， an armed bailiff at her side. She was dressed in a red paisley blouse and jeans. She looked tired， I thought. As a deputy nudged me forward， I wondered if my mother would recognize me in my MacLaren clothes - a stiff white T-shirt and jeans.

我的母親在觀眾席上，身邊有名法警。她穿一件紅色佩茲利襯衫，下面是牛仔褲，面容倦怠。一名警察押著我走向臺(tái)前，我不知道我穿著麥克萊倫的衣服——發(fā)硬的白色T恤和牛仔褲，母親能不能認(rèn)出我來(lái)。

The attorney for the county began speaking to the judge. \"The County of Los Angeles requests the continued detention of the child in accord with California Welfare and Institutions Code，\" the lawyer said. \"The child requires protective services.\"

對(duì)方律師開(kāi)始陳詞：“按照加利福尼亞社保與機(jī)構(gòu)準(zhǔn)則，洛杉磯縣要求對(duì)該兒童繼續(xù)看管。”我的辯護(hù)律師說(shuō):“孩子要求得到保護(hù)。”

As I stared into my mother's desperate eyes， we listened to the county lawyer pound out formalities. \"Mrs. Bridge continues to exhibit a resistant attitude toward Children's Services. The County of Los Angeles is better equipped to meet the child's best interests and safety.\"

我望著母親絕望的雙眼，這時(shí)我們都聽(tīng)到了縣級(jí)律師的宣判：布雷治夫人對(duì)兒童服務(wù)持不合作態(tài)度，而洛杉磯縣能夠更好地維護(hù)該兒童利益，保障其人身安全。

Be brave for me， I imagined my mother saying.

要勇敢些，我想象著母親這樣對(duì)我說(shuō)。

Be a big boy. Be still. The judge banged his gavel.

要理智，要鎮(zhèn)靜。法官砸下了法槌。

“Objections?” he said， peering at the lawyer standing beside me.

“有異議嗎？”他問(wèn)道，注視著我身邊的律師。

\"No， Your Honor，” my lawyer responded. “No objections.\"

“沒(méi)有，法官大人，”我的律師回答道：“沒(méi)有異議?！?/p>

\"Well then， motion granted. Child's detention is ordered continued.\"

“那么，動(dòng)議被批準(zhǔn)。該兒童的監(jiān)護(hù)權(quán)繼續(xù)保留。”

My mother hadn't interrupted. She hadn't run to me. She was 24 years old， descended from a line of impoverished women， educated to the tenth grade， abandoned by a husband， gripped by mental illness. She could do nothing more than be judged.

我的母親沒(méi)有說(shuō)一句話。她也沒(méi)跑到我身邊。24歲的她出身貧寒，學(xué)識(shí)不多，為丈夫所棄，受精神病襲擊。除了接受裁決，她無(wú)可反抗。

Walking back through the corridors， away from her， I felt the world change. Numbness filled me. When I returned to MacLaren Hall， I waited for my mother to rescue me from the angry guards， the locked wards， the scary nights. Eventually I gave up. I did as I was told in silence.

我離她遠(yuǎn)去，在穿過(guò)走廊回去的路上，我感到整個(gè)世界已經(jīng)改變。我全身麻木了。當(dāng)我回到麥可萊倫，我等著我的母親來(lái)救我，讓我遠(yuǎn)離永遠(yuǎn)一幅怒容的看護(hù)人，永鎖的房門(mén)和讓人戰(zhàn)栗的黑夜。最終我放棄了期待。他們讓我做什么，我就做什么。靜默，一言不發(fā)。

Silent Cry

無(wú)聲的呼喚

When the county noticed that I had withdrawn completely， alarmed social workers resolved to find a foster home for me as quickly as they could. The placement they came up with was Mrs. Leonard's house in the dry foothills of the San Fernando Valley.

當(dāng)他們看到我變得十分孤僻之后，警覺(jué)的社會(huì)工作者決定盡快找到收養(yǎng)我的人家。最后他們找到了位于圣#8226;費(fèi)爾南多谷地干燥山腳下的列奧納多夫人家。

When the social worker delivered me to Mrs. Leonard， in the spring of 1970， by which time I'd turned eight， she glanced down at her young charge. \"This is Andy，\" she said. \"He's a little quiet.\"

1970年春，社會(huì)工作者將我送至列奧納多夫人家時(shí)我已經(jīng)八歲了，列奧納多夫人將這個(gè)即將被收養(yǎng)的孩子渾身上下掃了一遍?！斑@是安迪，”社工介紹說(shuō)，“他有點(diǎn)安靜?！?/p>

She handed Mrs. Leonard a thin folder containing the facts of my life. \"Be sure to be a good boy，\" the social worker said as she departed. My new foster mother， a large and formidable woman， reached over my head and shut the door.

她遞給列奧納多夫人一個(gè)有關(guān)我的情況的薄文件夾。臨走時(shí)她對(duì)我說(shuō)：“一定要聽(tīng)話?！?我的新養(yǎng)母身材碩大、神態(tài)威嚴(yán)，手越過(guò)我的頭把門(mén)關(guān)上了。

Born in Eastern Europe， Mrs. Leonard had survived a Nazi slave-labor camp and arrived in the United States at age 16. She married Mr. Leonard， an electrical engineer， and ran their home with authority. It was her idea to take in foster children in middle age， after the couple had had their own three children.

列奧納多夫人出生于東歐，是納粹集中營(yíng)的幸存者，16歲時(shí)來(lái)到美國(guó)。后來(lái)嫁給了電工列奧納多先生，在家里她說(shuō)了算。在中年領(lǐng)養(yǎng)孩子正是她的主意，而此時(shí)他們已有了自己的3個(gè)孩子。

That first afternoon， Mrs. Leonard drove me to get some new clothes. Pushing a cart down the aisles of the warehouse store， she shopped more like she was buying groceries than clothes for the frightened little boy trailing behind her. \"Three shirts， two pairs of pants， a pack of underwear and some socks should do it.\" She pulled things out of cardboard crates.

到那的第一天下午，列奧納多夫人帶我去買(mǎi)了些新衣服。她推著手推車走在貨物店的走廊上，購(gòu)起物來(lái)更像是在買(mǎi)雜貨而不是在給緊跟其后驚恐不已的小男孩買(mǎi)衣服?！?件襯衫，2條褲子，一包內(nèi)衣和襪子應(yīng)該就足夠了?！彼褨|西從板條箱中取出來(lái)。

Back at the house， she deposited the bags on the floor of her son's bedroom. \"You need to change，\" she instructed， then waited as I surrendered the last of what I had from my mother. She glanced at the dirty bundle in her hands. \"Thank God. You won't need these things anymore.\"

回到家里，她把衣包堆在她兒子臥室的地板上。她命令到：“你需要改變，”然后在那等著，這時(shí)我對(duì)母親的那種情感已徹底消失了。她看了眼手上的一堆臟衣服，說(shuō)：“謝天謝地。你以后不用再穿這些了?！?/p>

She rushed off to start dinner and left me waiting in the bedroom for her three children to return from school. I didn't know what else to do， so I just sat there， alone.

她匆忙離去準(zhǔn)備晚餐，留我一人在臥室等她的三個(gè)孩子放學(xué)回家。我不知道還能做些其它的什么事，所以只有坐在那，孤單一人。

Christopher arrived first. He was four years older than I. When he saw me sitting on his bed， his first words were \"She didn't tell me another one of you was coming.\"

克里斯托弗最先到家。他比我大四歲。他看到我坐在他床上時(shí)，第一句話就是“她沒(méi)事先告訴我又要來(lái)一個(gè)你這樣的人?！?/p>

Embarrassed for being an intruder， I jumped up and shifted to the far end of the room. \"I'm sorry. I'm sorry.\" It was all I could think to say. \"I'm sorry.\"

作為一名“入侵者”我十分尷尬，我跳起來(lái)挪到房子遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)的角落。“對(duì)不起，對(duì)不起?！蔽宜芟氲降闹挥姓f(shuō)“對(duì)不起?！?/p>

He locked his eyes on me with a glare that said， Don't look for fairness from me. Spotting the two shopping bags of clothes near the closet door， he reached for them and threw them at my feet. \"Keep your suit away from my stuff，\" he ordered.

他定睛怒視著我，那眼神仿佛在說(shuō)別指望和我同起同坐。他瞥見(jiàn)衣櫥旁兩袋衣服后，走到跟前拿起來(lái)扔到我腳前。他命令道：“把你的東西放的離我的遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn)?！?/p>

Soon his two siblings， one older than he and one younger， arrived home. They said hello， and finally Mr. Leonard appeared. Round-faced， with glasses and a comb-over， he glanced at me， shook my hand and sat down to his evening paper.

不一會(huì)，他的另外兩個(gè)兄弟也回來(lái)了，一個(gè)比他大，一個(gè)比他小。他們都打了聲招呼，列奧納多先生最后回來(lái)。他圓臉、戴著眼鏡、分頭，他看了我一眼，握了下我的手就坐下看晚報(bào)了。

It was clear I could expect nothing more. I was Mrs. Leonard's concern.

很明顯我不能再期望什么了。只有列奧納多夫人管我的事。

Put to bed that night， I lay in the darkened room， shaking， sweating. I tried to remember my mother's voice: Be still. Be still.

那天晚上，上床后我躺在灰暗的房間里渾身顫抖，一直出汗。我盡力想著媽媽的話：要鎮(zhèn)靜。要鎮(zhèn)靜。

Keeping Secrets

保密

Mrs. Leonard quickly set down rules that I was to follow without fail. Anything could provoke her wrath. I might have forgotten to empty a wastebasket or wring out a washcloth. I might have made an odd expression. Or I might have committed no offense at all.

很快列奧納多夫人制定了我必須遵守的一些規(guī)則。任何事都有可能會(huì)惹她生氣：我可能忘了倒垃圾或者忘了擰干毛巾；我可能說(shuō)了不該說(shuō)的話?；蛘呶腋緵](méi)有絲毫冒犯之意。

Sometimes she'd dig into my arms or grab at my face， screaming that the foster child in front of her was ungrateful， lazy， obnoxious， stupid and undeserving. With her hand at my ear or at the base of my neck， she pulled me from room to room.

有時(shí)她會(huì)戳我的胳膊或扇我耳光，尖聲叫罵領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的孩子沒(méi)良心，又懶又笨，令人討厭。她擰著我的耳朵或捏著脖后跟把我從一個(gè)房間拎到另一個(gè)房間。

For most of the 11 years I lived there， I felt her anger， contempt and annoyance at my presence. Though I was supposed to stay just temporarily， after the first 18 months， a judge examined my \"best interests，\" then redefined me under the law. I became a permanent resident. Like a survivor on a life raft， not wanting to be there but having nowhere else to go， I stayed. I tried to make it work.

11年來(lái)大部分時(shí)間我都是住在這里，我目睹并感受了她的憤怒、蔑視和惱火。我本來(lái)是暫住那里，可是18個(gè)月后，一名法官審視了我的“最好的利益”后，根據(jù)法律重新做了決定。我要永久的住在這。就像救生圈上的幸存者一樣，不想呆在那卻別無(wú)選擇，我只有留下。我試著慢慢適應(yīng)。

Early on， my mother came to see me a few times， but the visits were short and tension-filled， with Mrs. Leonard hovering nearby. \"Be sure to do what they say，\" my mother would whisper as we sat in the bedroom together. \"Promise not to cry. And don’t forget we love each other. You're my only boy.\"

起初，媽媽來(lái)看過(guò)我?guī)状危墒敲看螘r(shí)間都很短而且十分緊張，因?yàn)榱袏W納多夫人在旁監(jiān)看著。 “一定要按他們說(shuō)的做，”我們一起坐在臥室的時(shí)候媽媽小聲對(duì)我說(shuō)，“答應(yīng)媽媽不要哭。要記住我們彼此相愛(ài)。你是我唯一的孩子?！?/p>

\"And you're my only mom，\" I would whisper back， sealing the pact. She'd kiss me softly on the head and depart. I never knew when I'd see her again.

這時(shí)我也會(huì)小聲說(shuō)，（不理會(huì)合約）“你是我唯一的媽媽?！彼龝?huì)在我額頭上輕輕地吻一下，就走了。我從不知道什么時(shí)候能再見(jiàn)到她。

I became braver at school as time passed. During morning recess， I no longer hid in the bathroom but lingered in the school library. If a teacher let me， I stayed inside my classroom to read or do extra work. I never mentioned the Leonards or my mother to other kids if I could help it; I was ashamed of my needy circumstances. With my secrets carefully secured， school gradually became a haven.

時(shí)間慢慢過(guò)去，我在學(xué)校變得更加勇敢。在晨間休息時(shí)刻，我不再躲在浴室而是在學(xué)校圖書(shū)館徘徊。如果老師允許的話，我會(huì)待在自己的教室里讀書(shū)或進(jìn)行額外的學(xué)習(xí)。我從不向其他的孩子提起列奧納多夫人或我媽媽；我以自己的悲慘處境為恥。由于我小心翼翼的守護(hù)著這個(gè)秘密，學(xué)校漸漸的變成了我的天堂。

There were a few standout teachers， including Miss O'Malley in fifth grade and others after her. They were genuinely kind and saw my potential， easing my loneliness and helping me succeed. They couldn't change where I lived or what had happened to my mother， but they did what they said they'd do. Day after day， the teachers shared their passion for American history， geometry or English grammar. If the entire world hadn't been safe for me， they showed me that at least a few regions of it might be.

有些老師出類拔萃，比如教五年級(jí)的歐莫利小姐和教比她低年級(jí)的其他老師。他們心地善良，看出了我的潛力，排除我的孤獨(dú)，幫我取得成功。他們無(wú)法改變我的住所或我母親的遭遇，但是他們盡到了自己的職責(zé)。一天天的，老師們講述著美國(guó)歷史、幾何和英語(yǔ)語(yǔ)法。如果整個(gè)世界對(duì)我而言都是不安全的，那么至少他們向我展示了一些可能安全的地區(qū)。

Emancipation

解放

In eighth grade， after Mrs. Leonard suggested I get a part-time job， I began bagging groceries at a supermarket. By tenth grade， I'd joined the swim team and the debate team. Savings from my job and a stipend from a sponsoring organization allowed me to attend a four-week academic program at University of California， Davis， during the summer between sophomore and junior years. The next summer， I attended Boys State in Sacramento， which the American Legion sponsored for free.

八年級(jí)的時(shí)候，列奧納多夫人建議我干一份兼職工作，我就開(kāi)始在一家超市包裝雜貨。十年級(jí)的時(shí)候，我參加了游泳隊(duì)和辯論隊(duì)。我憑著工作存的錢(qián)和從一家贊助機(jī)構(gòu)獲得的薪金在高二和高三的暑假參加了戴維斯加利福尼亞大學(xué)為期四周的學(xué)術(shù)項(xiàng)目。第二年暑假，我參加了薩克拉曼多的“男孩的國(guó)家”，這是由美國(guó)退伍軍人協(xié)會(huì)無(wú)償贊助的。

In English class during my senior year of high school， Mrs. Karen Ross taught poems like The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot. The poem warned about a man who had wasted his life in silence， too timid to demand his place in the world. Mrs. Ross's class had an enormous effect on this shy student attending it.

高二的英語(yǔ)課上，克倫#8226;羅斯夫人教受諸如艾略特所寫(xiě)的《普魯佛克的情歌》等詩(shī)歌。這首詩(shī)講述了一個(gè)一生都浪費(fèi)在沉默中的男子因膽小而不敢尋求自己在這個(gè)世界上的立足之地的事。羅斯夫人的課對(duì)我這個(gè)上她的課而性格羞怯的學(xué)生產(chǎn)生了巨大的影響。

In early March， a new social worker called to wish me goodbye. She was the last in a line of dozens of caseworkers， male and female， whom the county had assigned to me over the years. She said in a formal voice， \"In six months， Los Angeles County will emancipate you. Emancipation is the judicial act releasing a child from the custody of the county.\" Her voice warmed. \"It really means that you've grown up and that it's time for you to leave the Leonards'.\"

三月初，又一個(gè)社會(huì)工作者來(lái)跟我道別。在過(guò)去的這些年里，洛杉磯郡陸續(xù)派了幾十個(gè)男男女女的社會(huì)工作者來(lái)看我，她是這其中的最后一個(gè)。她正式告訴我：“六個(gè)月后，你將不受洛杉磯郡的管束。解放是指孩子擺脫該郡的管束而獲得合法權(quán)利的司法法令?！彼曇羧岷?，說(shuō)：“這真正的意味著你已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大成人，是你離開(kāi)列奧納多家的時(shí)候了?！?/p>

\"Okay，\" I answered.

“好吧，”我回答說(shuō)。

\"You'll need to pack your clothes.\"

“你需要整理你的衣服。”

She began discussing college， recommending that since I was interested enough to have already applied to several schools， I should seriously consider state schools. If I attended one， she said， \"the county would pay for your tuition and help with almost everything else too. I don't know if the Leonards mentioned that to you.\"

她開(kāi)始談大學(xué)的事情，建議說(shuō)既然我對(duì)此很感興趣并且已經(jīng)申請(qǐng)了幾所大學(xué)，我應(yīng)該慎重地考慮一下州立學(xué)校。她說(shuō)，如果我被其中一所錄取的話，“洛杉磯縣會(huì)為你出學(xué)費(fèi)甚至負(fù)責(zé)其它的任何事項(xiàng)。我不知道列奧納多夫婦是否以前向你提起過(guò)?！?/p>

No， the Leonards hadn't mentioned it. I thought of the humiliation I'd felt over the years about everything from the \"foster kid\" school lunch passes to the summer jobs the county had given me， including one cleaning up dog excrement in a public park. About to graduate from high school， I wanted nothing paid for or helped with again.

沒(méi)有，他們沒(méi)有說(shuō)過(guò)。我想到了這些年來(lái)所受的種種屈辱，從學(xué)校給“領(lǐng)養(yǎng)孩子”的午餐到縣給我的暑假工作，其中一份工作是讓我清理公共公園里的狗屎。至于高中畢業(yè)的事，我不想任何人為我付錢(qián)也不想再得到任何幫助。

Soon several admissions letters began arriving， and among them was a letter from Wesleyan University in Connecticut. Though I had applied there， I hadn't interviewed with its admissions office or seen the campus (I didn't have money to travel). However， when its acceptance was followed with the offer of a generous scholarship， I felt relief and joy.

不久，幾個(gè)通知書(shū)陸續(xù)到來(lái)，其中一個(gè)來(lái)自康涅狄克州的衛(wèi)斯理大學(xué)。盡管我申請(qǐng)了這所學(xué)校，我并沒(méi)有和它的招生辦公室聯(lián)系也沒(méi)有見(jiàn)過(guò)其校園（我沒(méi)錢(qián)旅行）?？墒?，通知書(shū)來(lái)了之后我又收到了為數(shù)不少的獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金的聲明，這令我感到輕松愉悅。

I accepted and told the Leonards. They had never heard of Wesleyan. Four months later， in July， Mr. Leonard finally asked me where it was.

我選擇了這所學(xué)校并且告知了列奧納多夫婦。他們以前從未聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)衛(wèi)斯理。四個(gè)月后，也就是7月份，列奧納多先生最終還是問(wèn)了我學(xué)校位于哪兒。

Linked by Love

因愛(ài)相連

That summer before college， at the Leonards' house， the heat was blistering. Nearly six years had passed since the last of the Leonards' other foster children had come and gone. Their own three kids had long ago moved out. Only the Leonards and I remained.

大學(xué)前的那個(gè)暑假，列奧納多家里炎熱難耐。自從列奧納多家收養(yǎng)的其它孩子中的最后一個(gè)來(lái)來(lái)去去之后，六年已經(jīng)過(guò)去了。他們的三個(gè)孩子很久以前就搬出去了。只有列奧納多夫婦和我仍留在這里。

On the morning of August 11， a Monday， when Mrs. Leonard awoke before seven and saw that I was still in my room - if it was a sunny day， she insisted I spend it out of doors—she snapped， \"What are you still doing in the house? It's a beautiful day. Why do you think we paid for that bike?\"

8月31號(hào)的早上，那是個(gè)星期一，列奧納多夫人7點(diǎn)前就起了，看到我還在房間里—如果是晴天，她就堅(jiān)持我在戶外度過(guò)—她猛然叫道：“你怎么還在房間？天氣這么好。你以為我們買(mǎi)那個(gè)自行車是干什么的？”

I spent hours bicycling around the valley， returning to the Leonards' porch in the afternoon. I warned myself， you've come back too soon. She'll be angry. When I walked through the front door， my T-shirt was soaked with sweat. I tiptoed to the kitchen for some water. Then I saw it.

我繞山谷騎了幾個(gè)小時(shí)的車，下午回到了列奧納多家的走廊。我警告自己說(shuō)，你會(huì)來(lái)的太早了，她會(huì)生氣的。我走過(guò)前門(mén)時(shí)，T恤已浸透了。我墊著腳尖走進(jìn)廚房想找點(diǎn)水喝。然后我看到了那張紙條。

Dangling from the refrigerator by a magnet， the note from Mrs. Leonard was brief: \"Your mother called.\"

紙條懸浮著貼在冰箱上，是列奧納多夫人留下的，十分簡(jiǎn)短：“你母親來(lái)過(guò)。”

After years apart， something-if just a whisper-must have told my mother that her boy needed her， that he was about to leave the one place she knew to find him. Courting danger， I tried prying some information out of Mrs. Leonard. She told me that my mother had called from the Norwalk mental hospital.

分別了那么多年之后，冥冥之中肯定有什么——或許就是一聲低語(yǔ)——告知母親她的孩子需要她，他就要離開(kāi)這個(gè)她所知道的能找到他的唯一的地方。我冒著危險(xiǎn)，試著從列奧納多夫人那打聽(tīng)一些情況。她告訴我我母親從諾沃克精神病院來(lái)的。

\"Did she say what she wanted?\" I asked.

“她有沒(méi)有說(shuō)需要什么？”我問(wèn)到。

\"How would anyone ever know what Hope wanted?\"

“怎么會(huì)有人知道霍普需要什么呢？”

I sat at my bedroom desk and pored over a map， figuring out a route to the Metropolitan State Hospital in Norwalk. Round-trip， the distance was about 90 miles. Two days after my mother called， I left the house early， before anyone else awoke， and walked to the bus stop. After several transfers， I arrived at the edge of the San Fernando Valley. By midmorning I had only begun the long journey through Los Angeles County's immense inner core.

我坐在臥室的桌前，研究著地圖，標(biāo)出了去往諾沃克的大都會(huì)州醫(yī)院的路線。往返距離約90英里。在我母親來(lái)了兩天之后，我趁大家沒(méi)醒早早的離開(kāi)房子去了公共汽車站。轉(zhuǎn)了幾次車后，我到了圣#8226;費(fèi)爾南多山谷的邊界處。到中午我才剛剛開(kāi)始穿越洛杉磯郡廣袤的中部地區(qū)的長(zhǎng)途旅行。

After All These Years

多年之后

Finally I arrived at the facility， a fenced and walled fortress. I told the woman in the reception area， \"I'm here to see Hope Bridge. I'm her son.\"

我最終到達(dá)了目的地，醫(yī)院柵欄環(huán)繞，高墻聳立。我告訴接待處的人說(shuō)，“我找霍普#8226;布雷治。我是她兒子?！?/p>

Her fingers began leafing through the pages. \"Are you sure she's here? I don't see the name.\"

她開(kāi)始一頁(yè)頁(yè)的翻，“你確定她在這兒？我沒(méi)看到這個(gè)名字?！?/p>

Desperate， anxious， I thought maybe I'd already missed her. I reached back in memory for my mother's maiden name. \"Could you look for Priscilla， please? Priscilla Reese?\" I said.

我萬(wàn)分絕望，擔(dān)心不已，想著自己可能再也見(jiàn)不到她了。我努力回想著母親的娘家姓?！澳芊裾乙幌缕绽镂骼?？普里西拉#8226;里斯？”

The woman found it. I signed in and was taken to an empty room， where I was told to have a seat， that Priscilla would be brought out. I fidgeted. The sharp clack from the door's lock startled me. I turned my head. An attendant appeared and smiled. Then， suddenly， she was there.

女接待員找到了這個(gè)名字。我簽了字，然后被帶到一個(gè)空房間，做了下來(lái)并被告知普里西拉一會(huì)就到。我坐立不安。尖厲刺耳的關(guān)門(mén)聲把我嚇了一跳。我回過(guò)頭來(lái)。一個(gè)服務(wù)員站在面前，微笑著。就這樣，頃刻之間，她就來(lái)到了我的面前。

Boxed in the door frame， the woman who had clung to me on a Los Angeles street long ago， the woman who had loved me unconditionally， no matter what her situation， stared at me.

在這個(gè)封閉的屋里，那個(gè)很久以前在洛杉磯的一個(gè)街道上緊擁著我的女人，那個(gè)不論其境況如何都無(wú)條件愛(ài)著我的女人凝視著我。

Her hair was still dark but cut randomly. The bright flowered muumuu that she wore was really more of a bag than a dress. Her once slender form had swollen. My mother moved toward me. A smile of faint recognition crossed her face as she lifted her arms to hug me.

她的頭發(fā)依然很黑但剪得凌亂。她穿的由亮花邊裝飾的穆穆袍更像是個(gè)袋子而不是上衣。以前苗條的身軀已變得臃腫。母親走向我。模模糊糊的認(rèn)出我之后，一絲笑容浮上臉龐，她抬起胳膊抱住了我。

In her still familiar voice， she whispered， \"Andy.\"

她的聲音依舊熟悉，低語(yǔ)到：“安迪?！?/p>

I stepped forward and gripped her. My mother， I learned， had arrived here only recently， after authorities took her off the streets， as they did from time to time. We strolled together to a grassy area bordered by patches of orange marigolds. I told her that I would be going away to college soon， that I would be leaving the Leonards'. The college was in the East.

我走上前，抱緊她。我后來(lái)才知道，我母親剛到，醫(yī)院官員把她帶到街道上去了（他們經(jīng)常這樣做）。我們一起閑逛到一片綠草地旁，那里有著成片的黃色萬(wàn)壽菊。我告訴她我很快就去上大學(xué)了，并且我就要離開(kāi)列奧納多家了。大學(xué)位于東部。

She lifted her hand to my face， brushed it against my hair. \"It's still blond，\" she observed with a faint smile.

她抬起手撫摸著我的臉，撫順我的頭發(fā)?！邦^發(fā)還是金色的?！彼⑿χ粗摇?/p>

\"And yours is still black，\" I answered.

我回答說(shuō)：“您的依舊是黑色的?！?/p>

She looked to the side， then muttered to the emptiness， as much as to me， \"You know， I tried. I tried.\"

她把臉轉(zhuǎn)向一邊，然后似乎是喃喃自語(yǔ)，又像是對(duì)我說(shuō)：“你知道，我努力過(guò)，我努力過(guò)。”

I tried to concentrate on the space over her shoulder and the closed door that waited beyond.

我盡力注視她身后的空間，注視身后閉著的門(mén)。

\"I know you did，\" I answered， feeling the burn of a first tear as it escaped and ran down my face. \"I know，\" I repeated. \"I know.\" And we held each other for a long， long time.

“我知道你努力了，”我回答到，我無(wú)法抑制，眼淚涌了出來(lái)。“我知道，”我又說(shuō)了一遍?！拔抑?。”我們擁抱了很久很久……

from Hope's Boy

選自《霍普之子》

作者簡(jiǎn)介：

安德魯#8226;布雷治1985年畢業(yè)于衛(wèi)斯理大學(xué)，1989年畢業(yè)于哈佛大學(xué)法學(xué)院。他在紐約生活、工作，他提倡領(lǐng)養(yǎng)兒童應(yīng)有權(quán)利享有合法的醫(yī)療服務(wù)和接受教育的機(jī)會(huì)。他的母親——霍普，仍然呆在精神病院；安德魯盡可能經(jīng)常去看她。