Human growth is a process of experimentation， trial， and error， ultimately leading to wisdom.

To ease this process of learning， you must first master the basic lessons of compassion and forgiveness. Without these essential lessons， you remain trapped in your limited view and unable to parlay1 mistakes into valuable learning opportunities.

Compassion. Compassion is the act of opening your heart. To live in a state of compassion means you approach2 the world with your emotional barriers lowered. Compassion is the emotional glue connecting you to your essence and to the essence of those around you.

You have the ability to choose whether or not you will learn the lessons you are presented with， so you will then need to use your discretion3 to choose whether to invite in compassion or remain closed. If you choose compassion， you can try on what it would feel like to be that person you are judging and imagine putting yourself in her reality. This will connect you to her essence and evaporate4 the judgment encrusted5 around your heart.

Compassion is also required at those times when you are harshly judging yourself. If you have made what you perceive to be a mistake， or failed to live up to your own expectations， you will most likely put up a barrier between your essence and the part of you that is the alleged wrongdoer. Compassion will then open the door to the possibility of forgiveness and will allow you to release those judgments that are holding you in self- contempt.

Forgiveness. Forgiveness is the act of erasing6 an emotional debt. As you move from compassion to forgiveness， your heart is already open， and you engage in a conscious and deliberate release of resentment. Perceiving past actions as mistakes implies guilt and blame， and it is not possible to learn anything meaningful while you are engaged in blaming.

There are four kinds of forgiveness. The first is beginner forgiveness for yourself.

The second kind of forgiveness is beginner forgiveness for another.

The third kind of forgiveness is advanced forgiveness of yourself. This is for serious transgressions， the ones you carry with deep shame. When you do something that violates your own values and ethics， you create a chasm between your standards and your actual behavior. In such a case， you need to work very hard at forgiving yourself for these deeds so that you can close this chasm and re align with the best part of yourself. This does not mean that you should rush to forgive yourself or not feel regret or remorse7; but wallowing in these feelings for a protracted period of time is not healthy， and punishing yourself excessively will only creates a bigger gap between you and your ethics.

The last and perhaps most difficult one is the advanced forgiveness of another. At some time of our life， you may have been severely wronged or hurt by another person to such a degree that forgiveness seems impossible. However， harboring resentment and revenge fantasies only keeps you trapped in victimhood. Under such a circumstance， you should force yourself to see the bigger picture， by so doing， you will be able to shift the focus away from the anger and resentment. It is only through forgiveness that you can erase wrongdoing and clean the memory. When you can finally release the situation， you may come to see it as a necessary part of your growth.

注釋：

1 parlay v.成功地利用

2 approach v.接近，同……聯(lián)系

3 discretion n．謹(jǐn)慎，周詳

4 evaprste v.使蒸發(fā)．使揮發(fā)

5 encrust v.鑲嵌，包殼

6 erase v.抹掉，擦掉

7 remorse n.痛悔，憐惜

人的成長是一個不斷嘗試、經(jīng)歷磨練和失誤，最終變得聰明起來的過程。

要想使這一學(xué)習(xí)過程輕松些，你必須首先學(xué)好同情和寬恕這兩門基本課程，否則你永遠只能是井底之蛙，永遠不能把錯誤轉(zhuǎn)化為寶貴的學(xué)習(xí)機會。

同情之心。所謂同情就是敞開你的心扉，拋開你的情感障礙，用心去感受、體會這個世界。同情心是一種感情黏合劑，它會使你與自己的心靈和周圍其他人的心靈聯(lián)系起來。

對于呈現(xiàn)在你眼前的課程，你可以選擇學(xué)習(xí)，也可以選擇不學(xué)。此時，你就需要用心選擇是敞開還是緊閉你的同情心。如果你選擇同情，你可以試著站在對方的立場，設(shè)身處地地為對方想一想。這樣你就能與對方的心靈聯(lián)系起來，消除你心中的成見。

有時你過分苛求自己，此時你也需要對自己敞開同情之心。當(dāng)你自責(zé)犯了某個錯誤，或辜負(fù)了自己的期望時，你往往會在你的真正自我和所謂的“犯錯嫌疑人”之間豎起一道障礙。擁有了同情之心，你才能開啟寬恕的大門，使自己從自輕自鄙的困境中解脫出來。

寬恕之心。寬恕是指寬大為懷，盡釋前嫌。由同情到寬恕，你已擁有一顆開放的心靈，并開始逐步地、有意識地釋放自己的憤怒與不平。如果你認(rèn)為過去的行為都是錯誤的，這勢必會讓你內(nèi)疚、自責(zé)；而當(dāng)你忙于自責(zé)時，你根本無暇顧及從中吸取任何有益的教訓(xùn)。

寬恕有四種類型。第一種是對自己的初級寬恕。

第二種是對他人的初級寬恕，即你需要寬恕他人的過失。

第三種是對自己更深層次的寬恕，所涉及的是那些你深感恥辱的嚴(yán)重過失。當(dāng)你做了某件違背自己的價值觀和道德觀的事情，你的實際行為和你的為人準(zhǔn)則之間就出現(xiàn)了一道裂縫。這時，你需要努力去原諒你自己的過失，以便修復(fù)這道裂縫，重新找回真正的自我。這并不意味著你可以很隨意地原諒自己或不知悔恨、一錯再錯；但是，一味地深陷于自責(zé)、悔恨是不健康的，而且過分的自我懲罰只會使你越發(fā)遠離你的道德標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

第四種也是最難的一種寬恕，就是對他人的更深層次的寬恕。生活中，有時你可能受到過極大的委屈、極深的傷害，而且這一切似乎是不可原諒的。但是，如果你的心中充滿仇恨以及復(fù)仇的幻想，那你只會深陷于受傷害的情緒之中，不能自拔。此時，你必須強迫自己把眼光看得廣闊一些，只有這樣你才能轉(zhuǎn)移你的注意力，不至于沉溺于怒火和仇恨之中。只有通過寬恕，你才能忘卻過錯，重新獲得心靈的平靜。當(dāng)你最終能夠從中解脫，你也許會意識到這是你成長過程中必修的一課。