When I was 8， I moved with my family from a huge Midwestern city to a small Alabama town， leaving my friends and old school behind. I was chubby^１ before I moved but， soon， I got into the habit of snacking² constantly after school. Looking back， I'm sure it was an attempt to rid myself of the loneliness I was feeling. In just a matter of months， I had gained 50 pounds.

Boys always said mean things to me， like， \"You're so fat， your meals could feed a whole town!\" or， \"There's Shamu³ --back from Sea World!\" I tried to ignore or laugh my way through their remarks， but sometimes it hurt so bad I'd pinch⁴ myself to keep from crying.

My self-esteem hit such a low that I didn't know what to do--except eat more. That was my secret way of making myself feel better. But， of course， it only made things worse， because I continued to gain more weight.

When I topped 365 lbs， my family took me to Weight Watchers. I learned how to eat more healthfully and exercise regularly and， after several months， I'd lost 30 pounds. But weighing out portions each day wasn't enough. My emotions were still buried underneath all the weight. Pretty soon， I quit the program. By ninth grade， I couldn't even wear clothes that looked decent， since I can't fit into anything from a regular store.

Finally， my dad suggested I go to a \"fat camp\" called Camp Pennbrook in Pennsylvania. I was really uncomfortable with it， but I managed to joke， American Pie-style， with my dad， saying， \"I can't picture myself telling 'This one time， at fat camp...' stories!\" But I researched the camp on the Intenet and it looked amazing， so I agreed to go.

We did everything at camp--softball， swimming， dancing， kickboxing. But the best were the \"rap⁵\" sessions， where we'd sit around and talk about our feelings. For the first time in my life， I didn't feel alone. At camp， I learned my problem has a name--\"emotional eating.\" Simply put( 簡單說一句)， I was eating to numb my pain. I guess I always knew I was an \"emotional eater，\" but this was the first time I really understood my problem.

That summer， I learned to eat and exercise better. I also gained more confidence. I realized I'm not a freak⁶--I'm just a person with a serious issue I can conquer⁷. Most important， I learned that food won't get rid of my sadness， and that learning to accept and love myself is the real solution.

注釋：

1．chubby adj．圓臉的，圓胖的，豐滿的

2．snack n．快餐，點心，小吃

3．Shamu美國海洋世界公園里一種從事表演的殺人鯨的名字

4．pinch vt．使不舒服，使苦惱，使為難

5．rap n．[俚]攀談，閑聊，交談

6．freak n．畸形(可指動物、植物或人)，怪物，怪事

7．conquer vt．破除，克服

8歲時，我告別了朋友們和原來的學(xué)校，隨家人從中西部的一個大城市搬到了阿拉巴馬州的一個小鎮(zhèn)上。在搬家前我就胖，但是搬家后我很快養(yǎng)成了放學(xué)以后不停地吃零食的習(xí)慣?；叵肫饋?，我能肯定當(dāng)時這樣做是為了消除孤獨感。僅僅幾個月內(nèi)我的體重就增加了50磅。

男孩們總是對我說這樣刻薄的話，比如：“你這么胖，你吃的都夠全鎮(zhèn)人吃了！”或者“這是從海洋世界回來的殺人鯨——雪木!”對他們的話，我盡量不屑一顧或者一笑置之。但有時太痛苦了，我就強忍著不讓自己哭出來。我的自尊心降到如此之低，以至于我除了吃得更多，不知道如何是好。這是我的一個秘密方法，它能讓我感覺好點?？墒牵@樣做自然是使情況更糟，因為我的體重有增無減。當(dāng)我體重達到365磅時，我的家人帶我去“體重監(jiān)查者”減肥俱樂部。

我學(xué)會了怎樣更健康地吃，怎樣有規(guī)律地鍛煉，幾個月后，我減去了30磅。但是每天稱量出的減去部分體重還不夠。我的情緒仍然深深地陷在這個體重困擾之中。很快我退出了這個項目。到9年級時，我甚至連看上去體面的衣服也沒法穿了，因為任何一家普通商店的衣物我都穿不進去。

最后爸爸建議我去一個“健康營”，在賓夕法尼亞州被稱為“本布魯克營”。我對此真的感覺不自在，但我竭力跟爸爸開電影《美國派》式的玩笑：“我不能想像自己這樣講‘這一次，在肥胖營……’這類事情!”但是我在互聯(lián)網(wǎng)上了解了一下這個營，它看上去不錯。于是我同意去了。

在營里，我們什么都玩，壘球、游泳、跳舞、拳擊，但是最好的是懇談會，我們圍坐在那兒，談?wù)撐覀兊母惺?。我有生以來第一次不再覺得孤獨。在營地，我知道了我的問題有個名稱：“情緒進食”。簡而言之，我是為了使痛苦變得麻木而進食。我猜想我一直都知道自己是個“情緒食客”，但這是我第一次真正地理解了我的問題。

那個夏天我學(xué)會了更好地進食和鍛煉。我也變得更加自信。我認(rèn)識到自己不是一個怪人。我只不過是有某種嚴(yán)重問題的人，而我能解決這個問題。最重要的是，我懂得了食物不能消除我的悲傷，真正的解決辦法是學(xué)會接受自己和愛自己。