December 1st， 2002.

Sunday， sunny

I am so lonely that I want to cry.

In my view， the person who not only knows what he or she needs， but also works hard to achieve his or her goal is the most respectable people . At least， he or she overcomes his or her inertia and recognize himself or herself clearly.

Sometimes I regret the idled time. When I regret it， I think I stand at a higher level.

As I look back the past， I am sure that during that period， I have no direction and motivation， and I don't know what kind of people I want to be. As time goes by， I want to recollect something that happened as a memorial， but I get nothing.

I feel that I am restrained and oppressed again. It is obvious that I do have solutions to help myself. Why don't they take effect ? I am too cold to breathe.

I want to use a word to describe my self. Which word might I choose? I am eager to， but also frightened to know what my future will be， and what I will be in the future ?

Lingering between the past and the future， I am at a loss. Too many people and things affect me.They let me not know myself well.

I want to be a tolerant， firm， bright， kind and aggressive person. But too much knowledge and experience are needed to be a person like that.I am longing for the feeling of running again. The feeling that you know nothing but the movement is the most relaxed feeling. I believe if I find my direction and try my best to run without worries， then I will be the winner certainly.

However， I cannot be a winner because nobody tells me what to do. There is no place to relieve my feelings. At present， what I can do is only to forget the feeling temporally. But I am not able to forget it.

Everyone believes that he or she is the most excellent one. And it's my opinion as well. But the reality often disappoints me.

Although I know it is impossible for anyone to be excellent in every field， I am still self- inferior very much.

Hunting again and again

From temporary comprehension to eternal understanding

From this shore to the other shore

From the world to the illusion

Through the way of sublimation， our beliefs go to perfection

2002年12月1日 星期日 睛

孤獨(dú)到想哭。

知道自己缺少什么，自己的欲望是什么，我認(rèn)為可以拿出實(shí)際行動(dòng)的人是可敬佩的。最起碼，他戰(zhàn)勝了自身的惰性，能夠全面的看清自己。

有時(shí)“清醒”后常常感覺到后悔，為曾經(jīng)虛度的年華和浪費(fèi)的青春而后悔。這時(shí)的我應(yīng)該是一個(gè)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，是一個(gè)站在新高度的自己。

回頭看這一段自己走過的路，途中有一點(diǎn)迷失，并且也少了些支撐我前進(jìn)的力量，同時(shí)也不知道自己究竟想變成一個(gè)什么樣的人。我回憶，卻常感到一片茫然。過去的點(diǎn)滴，已隨時(shí)間逝去，伸手想要抓住一些什么當(dāng)作紀(jì)念，不止是紀(jì)念，也更想作為自己曾經(jīng)經(jīng)歷的證明，卻是什么也抓不住，兩手空空。

又感到禁錮了？又感到壓抑了？可是明明是有方法解決的啊。為什么做不到？！只是覺得心里冷，冷得讓我要窒息。

我究竟是什么樣的人？如果用一個(gè)詞來形容，會(huì)是哪個(gè)詞呢？我的未來是什么樣的？我迫不及待的想知道，但內(nèi)心卻又充滿恐懼。我到底想要自己成什么樣的人？

徘徊在過去與現(xiàn)實(shí)之間，我茫然不知所措。有太多的人與感情左右我，讓我看不清自己，卻又無處發(fā)泄。

寬容、堅(jiān)強(qiáng)、善良、聰明，還有，不斷超越。這就是我想要的狀態(tài)吧。這需要多少豐富的知識(shí)與坎坷的經(jīng)歷才能達(dá)到呢？我不知道。我又在渴望狂奔的感覺。那種忘記一切，只有機(jī)械運(yùn)動(dòng)的感覺是最輕松的。放掉所有的困惑與不安，找到前進(jìn)的方向。只要均勻的呼吸，用力的擺臂，狂奔到終點(diǎn)，我就是勝利者。

可是現(xiàn)在不行。沒人能告訴我怎么做，沒有發(fā)泄的方法。也許我能做的，只是暫時(shí)的忘卻?？蛇@又讓我牽掛，無法釋懷。

每個(gè)人都認(rèn)為自己是最棒的。我也常常這么認(rèn)為。可現(xiàn)實(shí)卻總是給我當(dāng)頭棒喝。雖然我知道“每個(gè)人不可能在每個(gè)方面都是佼佼者”的道理，可是自卑感卻會(huì)像潮水一樣將我淹沒。

從一次尋找到另一次尋找

從一次領(lǐng)悟到永久的感悟

從此岸渡彼岸

從現(xiàn)世渡向夢(mèng)幻

信念在一次次的升華中步向完美