2005年6月30日晨，啟功老先生與世長辭，永遠(yuǎn)離開了我們!我茫然地呆坐在書桌前，無法接受這早已暗示我的事實(shí)。好幾次我想起身再走到樓下去輕輕推開啟功老爺子的屋門，再聽他爽朗地?cái)?shù)落我的話語，再看看他靈動(dòng)的手指點(diǎn)到我的鼻子上把他滿肚子的學(xué)問講個(gè)不停。但是，我知道這已經(jīng)是再也不會(huì)有了!

在深睡中仙逝

2004年10月中旬，我剛從廣州回到北京就聽啟功的侄兒景懷說老爺子左腿出現(xiàn)血栓，住進(jìn)了北大醫(yī)院。午后景懷開車接我同去探望，老爺子躺在病床上，見我進(jìn)去便笑問：“客從何來?”我答道：“去廣州看家鄉(xiāng)給家父塑的雕像?！蔽易谒差^一側(cè)，見他精神疲倦，雙手不停地抓床檔，并叫護(hù)士調(diào)整床頭高度，我逗樂說：“這是熊貓生病?！彼]目答道：“這是神仙生病!”

老爺子在晚年愈是多病愈加不肯住院。每次住院總得家人和醫(yī)生左哄右勸地說服他，即使進(jìn)了醫(yī)院，過不了幾天他就鬧著要出院。這次也不例外，先生僅住了數(shù)日便吵著出了院。他回到家里打電話告訴我：“我回來了!”我過去一看情緒果然大不一樣，他安詳?shù)刈谏嘲l(fā)上，神情顯得那么地自在和得意。于是我就唱著逗他：“排排坐，吃果果，你一個(gè)，我一個(gè)……”他一聽就樂了，還問我散文集《悠游錄》校對得怎樣了?這本散文集是老爺子用硬筆書寫題簽的。

轉(zhuǎn)眼到了2005年。在一段時(shí)間里我發(fā)現(xiàn)他進(jìn)食越來越少，早餐只進(jìn)一杯牛奶、一小塊點(diǎn)心，有時(shí)連這一點(diǎn)還吃不完，或是干脆不吃就去睡，時(shí)常到下午或傍晚才醒來，甚至幾天都不想進(jìn)食，身體顯得越來越弱。雖然如此，在他睡醒的時(shí)候，頭腦依然清楚，思維敏捷，談鋒不減。

元旦前后上門來給老爺子恭賀新年的客人絡(luò)繹不絕。此時(shí)老爺子衣裝整潔，端坐在沙發(fā)上，看上去宛若鑒真和尚打坐。

元月8日，我陪《澳門日報(bào)》社長李(鵬翥)老和張先生去給老爺子拜年，老爺子在臥室睡覺剛醒，他躺在床上，見我們進(jìn)去很是激動(dòng)，伸手握著李老的手一直不放，李老向他致意，他說：“我快不行啦?！比缓笥洲D(zhuǎn)頭看見在床另一邊的我，對李老說：“昨天鐘少華來讀你的信。鐘(敬文)老先生是我長輩，他的公子是我的師弟，他(又轉(zhuǎn)頭對我)很感謝你去年在澳門的接待。以后要拜托你了?！庇终f：“你(李老)是我的詩友。感謝你們來看我?！?/p>

李老講完來北京開會(huì)的事情后準(zhǔn)備告別，不想老爺子哭了，含淚緊握李老的手久久不放。表情凄慘極了。

元月10日上午，我過去看他，他坐在一張單人沙發(fā)上，已經(jīng)吃過早點(diǎn)，顯得十分端正清爽。老爺子問：“王得后業(yè)余時(shí)間干什么?”我答：“他在忙著寫關(guān)于您的思想的文章。”老爺子豎起大拇指說：“王得后立了一功。”

不想過了10天，到了元月21日，老爺子出現(xiàn)昏迷，家人把他送進(jìn)醫(yī)院。臨出門前他要來串珠仔細(xì)放進(jìn)口袋中，又摸了摸脖子上掛的玉石，摘下來叫鄭收好。又同我說：“王得后的文章，我還沒有來得及看。”我說沒有關(guān)系，我會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)告的。我指著他平常戴的瓜皮帽正放在大熊貓玩具頭上，說：“您瞧，您的帽子已經(jīng)扣在熊貓頭上了。”他說：“都一樣。”然后我們送他上汽車去醫(yī)院，師大的鐘校長、陳書記等人到醫(yī)院去探望他，等校領(lǐng)導(dǎo)走后我上前拉住他的手，老爺子說：“遺腹子不夢其父。我夢見我母親好多回了。我知道他們在叫我呢!”說著眼淚流了出來。我對他說：“你別急，他們等你已經(jīng)很多年了，讓他們再等一會(huì)兒，你這兒還有許多事情沒有辦完呢!”

這次住進(jìn)醫(yī)院后，他的手上腳上安了幾種治療儀器，醫(yī)生不時(shí)地來給他用藥，鬧得他煩了，他便直用手錘床，我知道這種治療對他來說簡直是折磨，是痛苦。有一次護(hù)工來給他送藥，挑起大拇指說：“老爺子是最棒的!”老爺子也挑起大拇指回應(yīng)，然后便安靜地吃藥。不過雖然僅有兩小粒藥片，可他吞服并不輕松，他先含一粒用了三口水才能夠吞下去，接著再含一粒又喝了三口水用力吞下，顯得十分吃力和難受。

2月5日我到醫(yī)院值班，問起昨晚情況，護(hù)工說老爺子昨天鬧了一夜吵著要回家，今天早上老爺子醒來，又提出院事，于是我立即給景蓉打了電話。過了一會(huì)兒，景蓉同王連起一同走進(jìn)來，老爺子馬上說：“我要回家?！蓖跸壬帐郑室鈭?bào)告在香港講學(xué)情況，他聽了一會(huì)兒還是說要回家，并逐一點(diǎn)了我們的名字，景懷找借口說他不能出院，他就說：“推、拖、騙，是舊中國的‘三招’，現(xiàn)在你就是。”后來我們下樓去商量，只好同意他先回家。當(dāng)我們把老爺子抬上急救車時(shí)，老爺子這時(shí)好開心啊!我拉住他的手激動(dòng)地說：“老爺子，您真棒!”這時(shí)他笑得更得意了，真是一臉的陽光燦爛呢!

2月9日，農(nóng)歷大年初一，老爺子終于如愿以償，在家里度過了中國的傳統(tǒng)春節(jié)。上午9點(diǎn)半鐘老爺子叫我過去，我過去時(shí)看他躺在床上打點(diǎn)滴，臉色還好。他問了我的家事，我回答后問他看見我的《悠游錄》了嗎?他笑著說：“油葫蘆?！蔽夷闷饡o他看，他點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。我說：“書上說有一個(gè)胡人，他講豬跑學(xué)，他投兔兒爺一票。”他笑說：“胡說八道?！蔽伊⒓凑f：“從前中國有八股，考據(jù)是變成八道，再經(jīng)胡人一說，就變成胡說八道啦。”他聽見更是高興得笑了，并用手指頭點(diǎn)我的額頭。一會(huì)他就顯得很累，我勸他閉目休息，替他摘下手表，這時(shí)他睡著了。

下午3點(diǎn)鐘，老爺子剛醒，王兄先過去拉著他的手，老爺子說感激王兄，然后問：“少華來了嗎?”我連忙趨前，他對我說：“《悠游錄》看過啦?！被仡^又對王兄笑著說：“油葫蘆?！?/p>

沒有幾分鐘，老爺子又睡著了。我們退到客廳同景懷說話，景懷說：“老爺子中午醒來，高興啦，吃了六個(gè)小餃子。”我就問還有嗎?景懷拿出一碟子餃子，我吃了三個(gè)，王兄也吃了。

第二天，景懷來電話，說昨天下午你們走后，到8點(diǎn)鐘，護(hù)工發(fā)現(xiàn)他沒有反應(yīng)，于是立即送醫(yī)院去搶救。下午4點(diǎn)鐘，李老來師大接我同往北大醫(yī)院。進(jìn)病房看見老爺子側(cè)臥在床上，鼾聲如雷，臉色紅潤，顯然這是靠藥物維持的結(jié)果?？此笫钟悬c(diǎn)腫，按上去沒有反應(yīng)，此時(shí)李老站在床邊俯下頭喊他兩次，老爺子仍然沒有反應(yīng)……

從此，老爺子再也沒有醒過來，他整整沉睡了四個(gè)多月。最后，2005年6月30日凌晨2點(diǎn)25分，老爺子在北大醫(yī)院乘鶴西去。

病中和老友心相通

啟功先生晚年是在多種病痛纏繞下度過的，他的心臟、腎臟、肺部都出了問題，尤其是白內(nèi)障和黃斑病變，讓他幾乎失視，再加上行動(dòng)不便，出行、開會(huì)都要借助輪椅，所以他與老友間的聚會(huì)和走動(dòng)便越來越少了，但大家心里總在彼此思念和牽掛。由于他走動(dòng)不便，我們除了通電話之外，凡遇到跑腿辦事老爺子就會(huì)招呼我過去。每次電話里傳來他用戲劇京腔說出的“我來問你”一句開場白之后，我便放下手頭的寫作，立馬前去“領(lǐng)旨”，因?yàn)閺奈业淖≈芳t二樓到老爺子居住的紅六樓，相距不過六七十米。

老爺子藏有一部八大山人的拓本，是上世紀(jì)30年代他的一位好友贈(zèng)送的。老爺子愛若寶貝，呵護(hù)頗為精心，黃苗子老先生深諳這部法帖的價(jià)值，經(jīng)過與河北出版社聯(lián)系，出版社決定將其出版。2004年2月老爺子親自取出八大山人的法帖，命我給黃老送去。一個(gè)月之后，黃老就為法帖撰寫了洋洋數(shù)萬字的序言，請老爺子過目。我去取序時(shí)，黃苗子叔叔和郁風(fēng)姑姑熱情地留我吃飯，郁姑姑還特意留出兩份菜叫我給老爺子帶去，她說這兩份菜是劉詩昆在飯店專門定做的，他要我“借花獻(xiàn)佛”，轉(zhuǎn)送給老爺子品嘗。于是我立即打的趕回北師大。老爺子一見這兩份菜特別高興，他自己留下一份，卻把另一份(炒海螺)留給了我。

為了這部法帖出版事，老爺子和黃苗子常在電話里熱烈探討學(xué)問，有時(shí)為法帖里的某一個(gè)字，兩人在電話里探討的專注程度真讓外人吃驚。有一次二老探討得高興，說完正事還興致勃勃地聊起社會(huì)新聞來。這部書出版了，老爺子把我叫去，讓家人捧出一本來要我猜一猜書的價(jià)格，我說“總要1000元吧?”他不動(dòng)聲色，只讓我自己打開版權(quán)頁上的定價(jià)去看看。這一看著實(shí)讓我大吃一驚，正式定價(jià)竟為10000元一部!

此書出版后，黃老因膝積水發(fā)炎住進(jìn)醫(yī)院，老爺子放心不下，叫我?guī)纤龅?本書代他去醫(yī)院探望黃老。黃叔叔說他的病不礙事，治治就好，倒是仔細(xì)地問起老爺子的近況來。問畢他拿出一張小紙片，說他寫了半首詩，囑咐我?guī)Щ厝ソo老爺子一笑。

晚上8點(diǎn)鐘，老爺子來電話詢問關(guān)于黃老的病情，我一一告知，并把黃老那首詩在電話里念給他聽：

病中妄改前人詩呈啟老

我今不樂思啟老

身欲奮飛腳不好

美人娟娟隔雅典

金牌銀牌撈不著

瞎腳法師未定稿

老爺子聽了在電話中大笑，說：“安息吧，安息吧?！?/p>

去年春天我的新書《中國近代新詞語談藪》即將完稿，老爺子得知后叫我過去，他讓景懷上樓拿了一幅畫來。我打開一看原來是1982年華君武先生贈(zèng)給他的一幅漫畫，標(biāo)題是《考考啟功》，左邊是華先生自畫像，手中舉著一張紙，紙上鬼畫符似的涂鴉；右邊是啟功漫畫像，眼鏡后瞇縫著眼睛，襯托著一臉的無奈，他把一支毛筆背手藏在干部服后面，兩人全是哭笑不得的樣子。我一看就樂了，說：“這正好做我這本書的首頁?！崩蠣斪有廊粦?yīng)允，笑著說：“你拿去復(fù)印了用吧。”后來朋友們看了這幅畫無不捧腹大笑。

晚年最怕做壽

2002年秋適逢北師大建校百年大慶，老爺子也迎來了九十華誕，北師大為此專門做了賀壽安排。老爺子深領(lǐng)校領(lǐng)導(dǎo)和全校師生的深情厚意，但他內(nèi)心卻不希望大家為他祝壽：一方面他覺得自己奉獻(xiàn)甚少，另一方面做壽會(huì)引起他對許多往事的痛苦回憶。

啟功先生出生于皇族支系，但根據(jù)清朝爵位累降規(guī)制，他的家庭早年便逐漸沒落了：先生一歲時(shí)父親即因病去世，他隨曾祖父和祖父生活。不幸的是1922年先生10歲時(shí)，曾祖父和祖父也相繼去世，同一年家中還有多人故去，由于償還債務(wù)和辦理喪事，家業(yè)因此破產(chǎn)，他和寡母及未出嫁的姑姑便遭遇了清貧，度日異常艱難。后來幸虧遇到了培養(yǎng)并影響他終生的恩師陳垣先生，所以他對恩師一直至敬，對母親至孝，對妻子至愛。

盡管啟功先生不愿做壽，但領(lǐng)導(dǎo)和眾師生情誼難違，他不得不“從命”。2002年7月26日，老爺子命我與他同去。早上9點(diǎn)我們坐車來到英東樓，一開車門他就被人群簇?fù)碇呱先龢牵疫B忙拿出相機(jī)給他拍照。老爺子在主席臺(tái)上，一直嚴(yán)肅端坐，輪到他致辭，他語重心長地說：“我一歲喪父，母子相依為命。我1957年當(dāng)了右派，幸虧母親在1956年去世，所以自己還有一絲安慰：因?yàn)槟赣H不會(huì)理解她的兒子為什么會(huì)是右派?所以我每逢做壽就倍感酸甜苦辣……”說罷頓時(shí)會(huì)場氣氛顯得壓抑起來。待到中午他站起來如廁，然后他就下樓直接回家了。后來大家到餐廳吃祝壽午餐，校領(lǐng)導(dǎo)來切蛋糕，但啟功先生家中無一人在場。

2004年7月，老爺子已屆九十二高壽，師大照常又要給他做壽。眾心熱情如火，老爺子對此一臉的無奈。7月26日他終于又身著西裝出席了祝壽大會(huì)，輪到他致辭時(shí)他總是反復(fù)說：“太慚愧，太慚愧……”他說自己的經(jīng)歷是“有淚往肚子里咽”。我和師大的老友們見他如此痛苦終于深深感到：老爺子最怕做壽，老爺子最怕憶及往事!

Qigong's Last Days of Life

By Zhong Shaohua

Master Qigong passed away at 6 am on June 30， 2005. When I learned the news， I was numbed with grief， unable to accept the fact. Several times I wanted to stand up and walked to his house， which is only abou6 60 meters away from mine. I wanted to hear him enumerating my mistakes again. I wanted him to put his finger on my nose jokingly and tell me things I didn't know. But I knew all this would never happen again. How sad!

As soon as I came back to Beijing in the mid October 2004 I heard from Qigong's nephew that Qigong had been hospitalized for a thrombus in his left leg. The nephew drove me to the affiliated hospital of Beijing University after lunch. Seeing me enter the ward， Qigong broke into a big smile， saying， \"Where are you from， my guest?\" I replied that I was just back from a trip to Guangzhou where I visited a statue of my father my hometown people had set up. I sat down by his bed. He asked a nurse to adjust the bed so that he could sit up. I joked， \"This is a panda that has fallen ill.\" With his eyes closed， he replied feebly， \"This is an immortal that has fallen ill!\"

In his last years， Qigong stubbornly refused to stay long in hospital whenever he was hospitalized. Doctors and his family took pains to persuade him. But after a few days in hospital， the patient would become restless and wanted to go home. It was no exception this time. After he was back home， he phoned me to inform me of his return. I went to see him. He sat comfortably in the sofa， looking composed and complacent. I sang a few bars of a nursery rhyme to mock him for the way he sat there. He was amused. Then he asked about a collection of my essays. He had written the title in calligraphy for the book.

Time flew and it was 2005. I found he was eating less and less. His breakfast was a cup of milk and a small piece of cake. Sometimes he could not even take all this. Sometimes he gave up breakfast and slept till afternoon or evening. But when he was awake， he was a good and sharp-minded talker.

Around the New Year's Day， guests came to see Qigong. He was dressed neatly and sat in the sofa， looking like a monk sitting cross-legged.

On January 8th 2005， I accompanied Li Pengqi to pay a New Year call to Qigong. He had just waked up. Seeing us， he became excited. He held Li's hand for a long while. When Li said goodbye， Qigong expressed his sadness with tearful eyes.

He fainted for a while on 21st January. When I rushed over， his family was about to take him to hospital. He asked for a string of prayer beads， took off a jade ornament from his neck which he had been wearing for a long time， and asked his family to put it away. When I went to the hospital to visit him later， he said， \"A posthumous child will never dream of his father. But I have dreamed of my mother many times. I know they are calling out to me now.\" Tears oozed from his eyes. I replied， \"Please stop worrying. They have been waiting for you for a long time. They will not mind waiting a little longer. You still have a lot to do here.\"

Hospitalized again， he had a few instruments attached to his body. Sometimes he would become impatient and hammer the bed with his hands when a doctor came to administer the medicine to him. He had difficulty taking medicines.

On 5th February I went to the hospital and sat with him. I was told that Qigong had not slept well the night before， because he had made a lot of noise about going home. In the morning he again mentioned he wanted to go home. When we finally agreed to move him home， he smiled brilliantly.

He spent the Spring Festival at home， which fell on February 9 in 2005. Around 9:30 am that day I went over to see him. He lay in bed and was having an intravenous injection. He looked not bad. He asked after my family. I replied and then asked him if he had read my essays. I showed him my book. He wisecracked about the name of the book. After sharing a joke with me， he became tired and fell asleep. I went to see him at 3 pm. He woke up. When he saw me， he said he had read my essays. Then he fell asleep again.

I received a call the next day that Qigong had been sent to hospital for emergency in the previous night after he was found to have stopped responding to the nurse. I went to the hospital that afternoon. Qigong was snoring， his face flushed， apparently because of some medicines he had taken. His left hand was puffy. I pressed it and found no reaction.

He did not wake up again. After a long sleep for more than 4 months， he passed away in sleeping at 2:25 am on June 30， 2005.

(Translated by David)