適逢趙丹誕辰90周年，《黃宗英自述》這本書以相當(dāng)篇幅回憶趙丹許多鮮為人知的事，現(xiàn)從中摘錄這篇文章，以紀(jì)念這位杰出的電影藝術(shù)家——

你們問中國還會再產(chǎn)生趙丹嗎?

我說：中國已經(jīng)產(chǎn)生、還會再產(chǎn)生十分出色的藝術(shù)家，舉世無雙的藝術(shù)家，遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過趙丹的藝術(shù)家；但中國不可能再產(chǎn)生趙丹，趙丹就是趙丹。趙丹一生扮演了近百個人物，人稱“千面怪”、“演啥像啥”。我想，很難有人能勝任扮演趙丹。

“你忘了最重要的”

說來不信，講趙丹對我還是個難題，連趙丹自己也說不清他自己。每當(dāng)需要他本人和觀眾見面時，他就一百個不自在，既發(fā)愁、又著急：“唉，趙丹該是什么樣的?趙丹該怎么走路?說話?……唉……想到我只是趙丹，兩只手都不知擱哪兒好……”那是一個中國傳統(tǒng)節(jié)日春節(jié)，在一次廣播電視聯(lián)歡大會上，上海的電影演員將紛紛登臺表演。阿丹著急了：“不化妝上臺發(fā)怵?！彼业交瘖y師嘀嘀咕咕又鉆進(jìn)服裝倉庫……于是聯(lián)歡大會開幕那天，中國著名電影演員白楊、秦怡等等一一獻(xiàn)藝之后，掌聲息，燈漸暗，雪花飄舞，中國著名文學(xué)家“魯迅先生”撐著油紙傘從遠(yuǎn)處慢慢走來?！棒斞赶壬闭径ㄖ笫掌饌悖瑹袅?。當(dāng)觀眾明白是趙丹演的魯迅，好一陣掌聲!他說：“演員是通過角色向世界發(fā)言。”某次出國前為印名片，辦公室打電話來問：“名片上頭銜印三個：一、全國政協(xié)委員；二、全國文聯(lián)委員；三、全國音協(xié)常務(wù)理事。行不行?”趙丹回答：“你忘了最重要的?！睂Ψ剑骸鞍?還有什么更重要的?”趙丹：“我是個演員!首先要印上電影演員?！壁w丹一生忘我地生活于角色，生活于藝術(shù)；他經(jīng)常遨游于創(chuàng)作的意境中，很難分解出什么是他本人，更何況在他的生活中，又布滿了比戲劇還強(qiáng)烈的戲劇性。50年代有位捷克雕塑家來中國，他要求為趙丹塑像。趙丹連續(xù)一個星期戴著法蘭西帽，規(guī)規(guī)矩矩坐在他對面當(dāng)模特兒。當(dāng)半身像塑成后，趙丹說：“走，朋友，我請你吃涮羊肉去!”雕塑家問：“你的車呢?”“市長給咱們派車!”他帶著雕塑家跨上公共汽車，到了館子里，他和服務(wù)員有說有笑，大師傅過來拍他的肩膀和他對杯。他胃口好，大杯飲酒，大塊夾肉，興致勃勃。捷克雕塑家站著，端詳著生龍活虎的趙丹說：“誤會了，我錯了。我應(yīng)該敲掉已經(jīng)塑成的那座雕像，重來一個。那不是你，太一本正經(jīng)了。不是你……”

“幸福進(jìn)行曲”

趙丹生于1915年，終年65歲。他上小學(xué)時即登臺表演魔術(shù)、雙簧、話劇，還愛唱京戲，喜歡拉開嗓門唱銅錘花臉。阿丹的父親為滿足兒子愛演戲的興趣，開了一爿戲院，常常聘請戲曲名角和進(jìn)步新文藝工作者來小城演出。阿丹和他的同學(xué)小伙伴看見劇團(tuán)演什么他們也演什么。當(dāng)中國共產(chǎn)黨領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的左翼戲劇運(yùn)動正式派人和“小小劇社”聯(lián)系時，阿丹不滿15歲。

認(rèn)識阿丹是在1947年。當(dāng)時我22歲，他32歲，已是有經(jīng)驗(yàn)的電影明星了。是他和著名導(dǎo)演陳鯉庭，在朋友的書桌玻璃板下邊看到我的照片，之后，調(diào)來我的處女作影片《追》，看完之后把我從北京請到上海，我和阿丹開始合演《幸福狂想曲》。他生活上放浪形骸不修邊幅，常常腳上的襪子都不是原配成對的，但為了一個鏡頭，有時和導(dǎo)演——他的老朋友爭得面紅耳赤。影片中我們是情人，可我有點(diǎn)怕他。當(dāng)影片停機(jī)掃尾我們將分手時，他忽然孩子似的對我說：“我不能離開你。我們不可能分開了，你應(yīng)該是我的妻子?！庇谑恰缎腋？裣肭纷兂闪恕靶腋＿M(jìn)行曲”，我們變成了夫妻。

身上蓋著他的畫

我嫁給阿丹大半年了，有一天收拾他的破書箱——那是我們結(jié)婚時他的唯一財(cái)產(chǎn)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)一疊用圖畫紙畫的西洋畫：有人物，有舞臺裝置圖，有鏡頭畫面構(gòu)圖。我問：“誰畫的?”答：“我，我是美專畢業(yè)的呀!”

他自幼年起就從父習(xí)字畫。吳作人曾贈他一幅字：“一門歌舞，兩代丹青?！壁w丹在十歲左右就能為店家寫斗方匾額，及長到上海讀大學(xué)，長輩叮囑他學(xué)法律，不求人，人求己?？墒牵低等ジ读松虾Ｃ佬g(shù)?？茖W(xué)校的學(xué)費(fèi)，入了國畫系，師從黃賓虹、潘天壽等習(xí)畫山水，一張臨摹的工筆手卷畫了一學(xué)期。以后投身學(xué)生運(yùn)動，在“左聯(lián)”領(lǐng)導(dǎo)下從事話劇、電影工作，漸漸擱下了畫筆。而后他又開始大畫特畫起來，是在《李時珍》拍攝外景去了黃山、富春江之后。從此，除系獄，他一直沒停筆，直到病危難以握筆，還勉強(qiáng)動著手指在腹部書、空中畫……

我每回出門前常常給他磨一大瓶墨汁，在瓶子上貼一小紙條，書：“臨行細(xì)細(xì)磨”，又私語曰：“莫怨遲遲歸?！蔽揖蛽炱鹦心易咛煜氯チ?。

作伴三十二載，阿丹只為我畫過兩張畫，寫過一張條幅(許多最親密的朋友倒也都沒有他的書畫，總覺得來日方長)：一張是解放時期他從全國第一次文代會開會回來，在筆記本上用鉛筆給我畫了寫生像，題“嬌妻”以贈我；而一幅字是1979年我為他寫電影劇本《聞一多》時，他為我寫下聞一多之座右銘：“義所當(dāng)為，毅然為之。”勉我并自勉。最后一次1980年夏，他已病在床上尚未確診，我每天在探訪時間去醫(yī)院看望。一天，他怪我為什么來得那么晚，說：“急壞人啦?！蔽覔?dān)心地問：“檢查報(bào)告出來了?”“關(guān)于你生日啊，我一大早就給你畫了個壽桃，等啊等……”我心里“咯噔”一下，大熱天打了個寒戰(zhàn)。他這人，除了對藝術(shù)外，什么都馬馬虎虎、糊里糊涂，今生今世今番怎么會想起我的生日來?一種不祥的預(yù)感浮上心頭。那段時間，我見他點(diǎn)花花放，繪鳥鳥飛，著水水流，染云云行，我心里禁不住打戰(zhàn)……

十年動亂年月，他從監(jiān)獄中“解放”出來，第一件大事就是囑咐我去買顏料、紙墨。以后每月逢干校休假四天回家，他就畫個四天四宿，作為唯一的舒心事。那時我們?nèi)覕D住在一間屋里，書桌小，孩子們還要做功課。他在吃飯的小方桌上畫，有時只得在地上畫，在門背后畫。到了晚上我和三四個孩子橫排睡一張大床，他說搭鋪可老是不搭。我一天勞累下來，被窩里是鉆進(jìn)小子還是閨女也鬧不清。睡夢中我一翻身，只聽得阿丹著急地說：“噯、噯，慢點(diǎn)，別動、別動……唉……”原來，我和孩子們的身上也攤著他畫就的畫。

他想演黃省三

1973年春，阿丹被單獨(dú)監(jiān)禁五年多之后假釋出來了。孩子們見過爸爸后躲在后樓小屋里哭，說：“爸爸完了，爸爸不可能再演戲了?！卑胍估?，我被他的自言自語、自問自答驚醒了，我不敢打岔，不敢開燈，以為他在夢游。等他安靜下來，我叫他，說：“你睡著了嗎?”“我醒著。”“那……你想說話，就把我或孩子叫醒說吧，別自己跟自己說話，怪叫人害怕。”

他說：“習(xí)慣了。我擔(dān)心失去說話能力，就不能再演戲了。”

唉，還演戲?!什么時候他都總想著演戲，演戲!

……又一夜，我問他：“你怎么活過來的?”

“我想戲，沒人打攪我時我就想戲。齊白石的電影劇本在我腦子里已經(jīng)分好鏡頭了。山坡下，奔泉、溪流、短笛、牛群，牧牛的孩子們站在牛背上過河，小白石……當(dāng)然，還想著演魯迅、李白，還有黃省三……”他說的是曹禺《日出》里的黃省三。

“我倒頭一回知道你想演黃省三?！?/p>

“嗯，過去，人們多演他的可憐，我要演出他的自重。如果現(xiàn)在再讓我演許云峰，我會比以前演得更好……”

“不許你再演監(jiān)獄里的戲!”我打斷他，“不許!”

阿丹活了

一天，我又應(yīng)邀到了北京中央新聞紀(jì)錄電影廠去看一部早就拍成但尚未公映的影片。那天是傍晚六點(diǎn)來鐘，我還沒吃晚飯，新影廠也下班了，只有編導(dǎo)高仲明同志和著名的已故影劇事業(yè)家、導(dǎo)演應(yīng)云衛(wèi)的女兒——剪接師應(yīng)萱以及幾位領(lǐng)導(dǎo)在等。這是一部已經(jīng)等了四年多、萱萱已經(jīng)剪了四年多的片子，我已經(jīng)不指望在有生之年還能看到的傳記紀(jì)錄影片，影片的片名為《他活著》。這部影片將在今年全國電影工作者代表大會或全國文藝工作者代表大會上首映，并與廣大觀眾見面。

這部影片記錄了趙丹在半個多世紀(jì)里的藝術(shù)生涯，有許多鏡頭是十分難得的。我極為冷靜地觀看著，我必須冷靜。此時此刻，我的身份是對此片有發(fā)言權(quán)的藝術(shù)家，而不是一個失去丈夫的孀婦。而且，趙丹的個人命運(yùn)，總是與時代、藝壇的盛衰興敗聯(lián)得那么緊，那么緊。僅僅作為妻子，除了覺得實(shí)在受不了，欲語還休之外，是難以提意見的。命運(yùn)之神盯上了阿丹，夫復(fù)何言？！映后，我僅提出：要有明朗、快樂甚至頑皮的基調(diào)。雖然他確實(shí)是已經(jīng)遺憾地、戲劇性地告別了人間，但他確實(shí)還活著。別讓觀眾參加他的追悼會，而是知友重逢的歡聚。雖然這個要求很難做到，我還是希望大家再努一把力；因?yàn)榘⒌げ幌Ｍ思覟樗?。他的出現(xiàn)，總是會帶來歡樂和熱鬧。生前如此，身后亦應(yīng)如此。

離開新影，回到家居的小屋，我躲進(jìn)被窩哭了，抽抽搭搭地哭了。第二天，大哥宗江和我通電話時，我還是哭著。大嫂若珊勸我，我說：“我四年多沒哭，阿丹活了，還不許我哭哭嗎？！”大嫂說：“小妹，你哭吧，好好地哭哭吧，高興地哭哭吧?！蔽也涣?xí)慣一個人哭，打電話給幾個老朋友，告訴他們紀(jì)念阿丹的書《他活著》已由中國電影出版社出版了，影片也快放了！我對著電話好好兒地、高興地哭了幾陣。阿丹的青年朋友們看我不吃飯，晚間為我送來一碗湯面想勸我吃下。我說：“別勸了。我一定吃完這碗面并睡個大覺，明天本總經(jīng)理、報(bào)告文學(xué)片《3215》的監(jiān)制人還得做決策呢！”

Reminiscences of Zhao Dan

By Huang Zongying

Editor's note: The 90th birthday anniversary of Zhao Dan (1915-1980) falls on 2005. This excerption from Huang Zongying's memoir is printed in commemoration of the great film artist.

I am often asked whether there will be another movie star like Zhao Dan. My answer is， China has produced and will continue to produce film artists much greater than Zhao. But Zhao is unique. There will not be another Zhao Dan. In his acting career， Zhao personified nearly 100 characters. He was always able to interpret his role perfectly and truthfully. Fans joked that Zhao was \"a monstre sacre with 1，000 faces\". I believe no one can act as Zhao Dan.

But I can hardly believe that I find no words when describing him. Even he failed to do that. In his later years， whenever he was supposed to meet his fans， he would feel ill at ease. He would be worried. Probably he forgot himself and imagined himself as a character he wished to portray. Even his life was full of dramatic moments. In the 1950s a foreign sculptor came to Shanghai and asked Zhao Dan to sit as a model for him. The artist worked on a statue of Zhao Dan for a week and Zhao sat there in all seriousness for the whole week. When the sculpture was completed， Zhao Dan treated the artist at a local restaurant. When the sculptor saw how Zhao Dan happily chatted with the chef and waitresses， he was surprised. He eyed Zhao Dan for a long while and said， \"I got you wrong. I should have made another sculpture to portray the real Zhao Dan.\"

I first met Zhao Dan in 1947 when he was 32 and I was 22. He was an experienced film actor by then. One day he saw my photo under a glass top on a desk. After watching my first movie， Zhao and Chen Liting， a film director， decided to have me star as the female lead in a new movie called Happiness Rhapsody.A man utterly careless in daily life， Zhao was extremely meticulous about details of the movies he made. Sometimes he would get into an argument over a detail with the director. In the movie I acted as his sweetheart， but I was somehow afraid of him. When the shooting was completed and I was about to leave Shanghai， he surprised me by saying in a childlike way: \"I can't live without you. We should not be separated. You should be my wife.\" So Happiness Rhapsody became the Wedding March. We married.

One day more than half a year after our wedding， I was tidying the house up. When I went through his book case， the only property he owned when we married， I found some western-styled paintings in the case. Some were figures， some were about stage settings， and some were sketched for a movie camera. I asked who had painted them. He said he did and explained that he was a graduate of a fine art school. His father taught him how to paint and write when he was a kid. When he was about 10 years old， he was able to write large-sized plagues for others. When he went to college in Shanghai， the elders of the family exhorted him to study law. But he enrolled himself quietly into the Shanghai Fine Arts Academy and studied traditional paintings under the guidance of Huang Binghong and Pan Tianshou. When he later participated in the student movements and began to appear in drama and movies， he gradually stopped painting. He rediscovered the enthusiasm for painting when he was doing the shooting of Li Shizhen， a movie that described the life of a Ming Dynasty doctor (1518-1593) who single-handedly wrote the 52-volume Compendium of Materia Medica over decades. Whenever I was about to take a business trip， I would carefully prepare a bottle of ink for him to paint.

During the 32 years we were together， he did only two paintings and wrote one scroll of inscription for me. Many bosom friends didn't have his paintings either， for they always believed there would be a time for that. The first painting he did for me was when he returned to Shanghai after attending the 1st National Congress of China Federation of Literary and Art Circles in Beijing. He wrote an inscription for me when I was writing a film script Wen Yiduo for him. The inscription is a motto by Wen， a poet and professor assassinated in 1946. The last painting he did for me was in the summer of 1980 when he was in hospital. I visited him every morning. One day he complained that I was late for the morning visit and then he showed me a longevity peach he had created for me. He was always casual about things in life， how could he have remembered my birthday that day of all days? I thought it was a bad omen.

1967 was a bad year. None of its days was a day we wanted to wake up in the morning to see. Zhao Dan was tortured. A man wore a blunt hard thing under the glove and hit Zhao's face repeatedly while roaring murderously: \"let me see how you will act again! Let me see how you will poison people's mind!\" Zhao's left eye pupil was ruptured. One day after the beating accident， he was thrown into prison.

In 1973 he was released from prison. He had stayed in prison for more than five years. After seeing their father， our children hid themselves in the attic and cried， \"Daddy is not able to appear in movies any more.\" I woke up that midnight when I heard him talk to himself. I dared not interrupt him. Nor did I switch on the light. It was scary to hear him talk like that. When he became quiet， I called out to him in a whisper. I asked him if he was still awake. The answer was yes. I said to him if he would like to talk at night， he could wake me up or one of the kids so that they would talk with him. I said， \"It's scary to hear you talking to yourself.\" He explained， \"I have been used to it. I was afraid that I would not be able to act any more if I lost the ability to speak.\"

On another occasion， I asked him how he survived the prison. He said when he was alone， he thought about the movies he was going to make and the characters he was going to portray.

Four days after he had been released from prison， he was sent to work in the countryside. Farmers took him under their wings. The father and son whom Zhao stayed with went fishing everyday for him. When the agents of \"The Gang of Four\" went to investigate how Zhao Dan was doing in \"remolding\" himself， farmers said that he had been well reformed and that he did not need reform any more. They said they wanted to see new movies starring Zhao Dan.

In 1980， Zhao Dan passed away. One day， people of a work group under the Shanghai Municipal Bureau came to see me. The group was organized to， among other things， review the cases of the persecuted people during the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976). I was asked to sign a document about their conclusion about Zhao's performance during the Campaign. I refused to sign. They asked me to take care of myself and took back the document. They left me two big bundles of a secret dossier on Zhao Dan put together for Zhao's persecution. They asked me to destroy the documents.

I wanted to weigh how heavy these documents were， but we didn't have such a huge scale. The two large bundles were put side by side on the floor. I didn't destroy the dossier. Hadn't too many things been destroyed?

(Translated by David)