阿利克山德拉·巴拉施　凱特琳·伍利　佩姬·J. 劉/文　錢(qián)靜穎/譯

When someone asks for your opinion， are you quick to offer it？ Or do you opt instead for a laid-back “its your call，” a noncommittal “anythings fine，” or an eager-to-please “whatever works best for you”？

當(dāng)有人征求你的意見(jiàn)時(shí)，你會(huì)立即給出自己的意見(jiàn)嗎？還是會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)而選擇不在乎地說(shuō)一句“聽(tīng)你的”，或者不置可否地說(shuō)“都可以”，抑或是急于討好地說(shuō)“對(duì)你有用就行”呢？

Many of us intentionally withhold our preferences in an attempt to appear easygoing and amiable. Especially in a workplace context， we may assume that being less opinionated can help us make a good impression on our peers， employees， or managers. But through three large-scale research projects that explored a wide range of interpersonal situations with a total of more than 7，000 participants， we found that failing to weigh in can actually make you seem less likable and harm your relationships.

有很多人會(huì)故意隱瞞自己的真實(shí)喜好，來(lái)試圖顯得隨和可親。尤其是在職場(chǎng)中，我們可能會(huì)認(rèn)為少表露想法或許能給我們的同事、員工以及經(jīng)理留個(gè)好印象。但通過(guò)3個(gè)有7000多人參與的大型研究項(xiàng)目——其中探索了廣泛的人際關(guān)系情況，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)沒(méi)有主見(jiàn)實(shí)際上更不討人喜歡，甚至還會(huì)損害人際關(guān)系。

Easygoing isnt likable

太隨和的人不招人喜歡

In our first research project， we looked at how people reacted when asking a friend or acquaintance what restaurant， movie， or museum theyd prefer to go to. No matter the context， the participants almost always told us that they wanted their companion to pick a specific option—and when their companion chose not to （which they often did， out of a desire to seem easygoing）， the participants found their counterparts less likable， and they became less interested in initiating future outings with them.

在第一個(gè)研究項(xiàng)目中，我們研究了人們?cè)趩?wèn)朋友或熟人更喜歡去什么餐廳、看什么電影或逛什么博物館時(shí)的反應(yīng)。無(wú)論在何種情況下，參與者幾乎總是告訴我們，他們希望同伴來(lái)做出選擇——而當(dāng)同伴選擇不這樣做時(shí)（這類(lèi)情況經(jīng)常發(fā)生，同伴希望自己看上去隨和些），參與者對(duì)他們同伴的好感度便有所下滑，且對(duì)今后與這些同伴一起出去玩的興致也減弱了。

Why is this？ You might think that withholding your preferences makes you more likable， but in fact， when someone asks for your input， theyre generally looking for help making a decision. Our participants consistently reported that it was harder for them to make a decision when their friend refused to express an opinion， and this unpleasant decision-making experience often harmed their impression of their friend.

這是為什么呢？或許你認(rèn)為不表露自己的喜好會(huì)讓你更討人喜歡，但事實(shí)上，當(dāng)有人向你征求意見(jiàn)時(shí)，他們通常是在尋求你的幫助。本次參與者一致反饋說(shuō)，當(dāng)他們的同伴拒絕表達(dá)意見(jiàn)時(shí)，參與者反倒更難做出決定，而這種不愉快的決策經(jīng)歷往往減損他們對(duì)同伴的印象。

No opinion implies a negative opinion

無(wú)意見(jiàn)意味著意見(jiàn)相左

Another reason withholding a preference can backfire is that when someone claims not to care， it can seem like they actually do have an opinion， but are hiding it to avoid conflict. In our second research project， we found that when someone says they dont have a preference， the decision maker often assumes theyre only saying that because they have the opposite preference as they do. When this happens， the decision maker is more likely to choose the option that they themselves dont want （because they assume thats what their counterpart really prefers）， ultimately making them that much less satisfied with the interaction.

隱瞞喜好之所以可能會(huì)適得其反，另一個(gè)原因是當(dāng)人們說(shuō)“都行”時(shí)，往往給人感覺(jué)是有想法，卻為了避免沖突而將其隱藏起來(lái)了。在第二個(gè)研究項(xiàng)目中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)當(dāng)有人說(shuō)“都行”時(shí)，決策者通常會(huì)認(rèn)為他們這么說(shuō)是由于他們確有相反的偏好。在這種情況下，決策者更有可能選擇自己不喜歡的選項(xiàng)（因?yàn)樗麄冋J(rèn)為這是對(duì)方的真實(shí)意圖），最終這次互動(dòng)讓雙方都難以感覺(jué)滿(mǎn)意。

Staying silent can be dehumanizing

保持沉默可能讓人感覺(jué)不近人情

Clearly， keeping quiet when a friend or coworker is seeking your input can be counterproductive. But what about situations in which no one is relying on your feedback to make a decision？

顯然，當(dāng)朋友或同事尋求你的意見(jiàn)時(shí)，保持沉默可能會(huì)起到反作用。但如果你的反饋不會(huì)影響到他人的抉擇呢？

In our third research project， we looked at what happens when people are simply asked to express a general preference， rather than to weigh in on a joint decision. We had participants read about a fictional person who was either indifferent or shared an opinion when asked about their favorite food or type of music， and then we asked the participants to share their impressions of that person. Consistently， people who shared an opinion—whether positive or negative—came across as having more of an individual， distinct identity， while those who withheld their opinions seemed robotic and less human. Moreover， in one study， we found that this negative effect can even extend to evaluations of someones work： Participants were shown identical pictures of a room， but when they were told that the interior designer who had designed it had failed to express a preference about his favorite food or music， they rated the rooms design less positively than when they were told it was designed by someone who was willing to share their personal preferences.

在第三個(gè)研究項(xiàng)目中，我們研究了當(dāng)一個(gè)人只被要求表達(dá)通常的偏好而不用參與共同決策時(shí)，會(huì)發(fā)生什么。我們讓參與者閱讀了解一個(gè)虛構(gòu)的角色，當(dāng)被問(wèn)及自己偏愛(ài)的食物或音樂(lè)類(lèi)型時(shí)，角色要么回答無(wú)所謂，要么是分享自己的想法，隨后我們讓參與者講述他們對(duì)角色的印象。一致的是，那些拒絕發(fā)表意見(jiàn)的人會(huì)讓人感覺(jué)像個(gè)機(jī)器、不近人情，而愿意分享觀點(diǎn)的人，無(wú)論觀點(diǎn)是否正面，讓人覺(jué)得更像是個(gè)有獨(dú)特個(gè)性的人。此外，在一項(xiàng)研究中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)這種負(fù)面影響甚至可以延伸到對(duì)某人工作的評(píng)價(jià)：向參與者展示同一組房間照片，相較于得知這個(gè)設(shè)計(jì)是出自一個(gè)樂(lè)于分享個(gè)人喜好的設(shè)計(jì)師時(shí)，當(dāng)他們得知房間的設(shè)計(jì)師不表露對(duì)食物或音樂(lè)的偏好時(shí)，對(duì)該房間設(shè)計(jì)的評(píng)價(jià)會(huì)打分更低。

Effective managers encourage—and model—healthy self-expression

高效的管理者鼓勵(lì)健康的自我表達(dá)和率先垂范

Driven by a desire to be helpful， minimize conflict， and contribute to a collaborative workplace， employees and managers alike are sometimes reluctant to share their personal preferences or provide opinions on joint decisions. But our research demonstrates how this approach can actually harm relationships， making people come across as less effective and less likable.

員工和管理人員出于能夠提供幫助、盡量減少?zèng)_突、促進(jìn)彼此合作的愿望，有時(shí)不愿意分享他們的個(gè)人喜好或在共同決策時(shí)不愿貢獻(xiàn)意見(jiàn)。然而，我們的研究表明，這種做法實(shí)際上會(huì)有損人際關(guān)系，讓人感覺(jué)效率低下和不討人喜歡。

To address these challenges， managers should take steps to encourage healthy self-expression on their teams. In one study， we found that people are twice as likely to share their preferences if the decision maker explicitly says that they dont want to make the choice on their own.

為應(yīng)對(duì)這類(lèi)挑戰(zhàn)，管理者應(yīng)采取相應(yīng)措施鼓勵(lì)其團(tuán)隊(duì)進(jìn)行健康的自我表達(dá)。在一項(xiàng)研究中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，如果決策者事先明確他們不想單靠自己做出選擇，那么其他人愿意分享自己想法的概率是正常情況下的兩倍。

Managers can also set up dedicated events or digital channels for employees to share their hobbies， tastes， and opinions on various topics， and they can conduct team-building exercises to address common misconceptions and help people become more comfortable telling people about their preferences. In some cases， it may make sense to administer surveys before or after meetings to proactively solicit input from employees who might be nervous to speak up in the moment， and for customer-facing roles， managers may also consider explicitly encouraging employees to voice their opinions with clients， as this may boost perceptions of likability and help them build stronger connections.

管理者還可以為員工設(shè)立專(zhuān)門(mén)的場(chǎng)合或提供數(shù)字渠道，讓員工可以分享自己的愛(ài)好、品味和對(duì)各種話(huà)題的看法；他們還可以組織團(tuán)建活動(dòng)，以解決常見(jiàn)的誤解，幫助員工更好地敞開(kāi)心扉，對(duì)人說(shuō)出自己的好惡。在某些情況下，會(huì)前會(huì)后做些調(diào)查，主動(dòng)征求那些在會(huì)上發(fā)言會(huì)緊張的員工的意見(jiàn)，也是很有意義的。對(duì)于和客戶(hù)對(duì)接的員工，管理者也可以考慮明確鼓勵(lì)員工向客戶(hù)表達(dá)自己的看法，因?yàn)檫@可能會(huì)增加客戶(hù)的好感度，進(jìn)而建立更牢固的聯(lián)系。

But most importantly， managers and executives must model open communication themselves. Especially for senior leaders who may struggle to stay connected to on-the-ground workers， openly sharing their preferences can help combat perceptions that they are aloof or lacking in humanity. Indeed， rather than alienating employees， our research suggests that expressing an opinion—even if its one that people disagree with—can help leaders come across as more human， more competent， and more likable. This will both improve their own relationships with colleagues across their organizations and normalize the expression of personal preferences for employees who might otherwise be inclined to stay silent.

但最重要的是，經(jīng)理和主管自身需要以身作則，公開(kāi)交流。尤其是對(duì)于職位較高的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，可能感覺(jué)和基層員工保持溝通不易，那么公開(kāi)分享個(gè)人喜好，有助于破除給員工留下冷漠孤高或不近人情的印象。事實(shí)上，我們的研究也表明，與和員工保持距離的做法相比，分享自己的想法和觀點(diǎn)（即便分享的觀點(diǎn)可能不被認(rèn)可），能夠讓領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者顯得更有人情味，還能彰顯其能力并提升其人格魅力。這種做法既能拉近他們自己與組織中同事的關(guān)系，也能讓那些本來(lái)選擇沉默的員工正常表達(dá)個(gè)人的傾向。

So next time someone asks you what you think， dont hold back. Our research demonstrates that respectfully and honestly expressing your preferences both helps the person whos seeking your feedback and makes you come across as more likable.

因而，如果下次有人問(wèn)你的想法時(shí)，不要隱瞞不語(yǔ)。我們的研究表明，尊重和真誠(chéng)地表達(dá)你的喜好，既能給征求你意見(jiàn)的人以幫助，又能讓你更討人喜歡。

（譯者單位：上海興偉學(xué)院）