I think often， since I started working here， about the appetite for life. For three years I’ve been coming to play in the unit two or three days a month. Each time with someone different. Sometimes a member of the city’s symphony orchestra， in which I’m the first-chair violinist; sometimes a jazz musician， since I’m also involved in that scene. First we play in the family room for the patients who want to hear us， with or without their friends or families. Then we go play in the rooms， only if our presence is requested.

自從我來到這個城市工作，我常常思考什么是生命的渴望。三年來，我每個月都有兩三天到這個病區(qū)演奏。每次的搭檔都不同：有時是和本市交響樂團的同事，我是那兒的首席小提琴手；有時是和爵士樂手，因為我也活躍于那個領(lǐng)域。我們首先會在家屬休息室為想聽演奏的病患演出，不管他們是否有親友陪伴。然后，我們會到病房演奏，但僅限向我們發(fā)出邀請的病人。

Nine or ten months ago I met a patient， Madame Signy， who I wanted to talk to you about. In her youth， she was a pianist and a music teacher. She never stopped practicing her instrument， and she was a music lover of admirable cultivation and retention. The first time I played for her， she recognized all the classical pieces. “Bach， sonata No. 1， second movement，” or “Tchaikovsky， concerto for violin in D major，” she would say as she hummed along with long passages.

大概九到十個月前，我遇見了一位患者，西格尼夫人，我想講講她的故事。西格尼夫人年輕時是一名鋼琴家和音樂教師。她習琴不輟，對音樂有著深切的愛，而她的音樂修養(yǎng)和記憶力令人欽佩。第一次為她演奏，她就辨認出了所有的古典樂曲。“巴赫，第一奏鳴曲，第二樂章?！薄安窨煞蛩够?，D大調(diào)小提琴協(xié)奏曲。”她會邊說邊哼著長長的樂段。

I had a hard time admitting that Madame Signy was seriously ill. She was thin and frail， no question. But there was a striking joie de vivre1 in her eyes.

我很難相信西格尼夫人病得很重。她確實身體羸弱，但她的眼神卻閃耀著超乎尋常的生命活力。

After the first time we met， Madame Signy’s husband told me privately that she waited eagerly for each one of our visits， and that she had expressed a desire to him： she wanted us to come play until the last moments of her life. She was imagining her death in the unit. She saw herself in her final agonies2 with us at her side， playing works by Schubert and Haydn.

我們第一次見面后，西格尼夫人的丈夫私下告訴我，西格尼夫人非常期待我們的每一次來訪，并對他說了一個愿望：她希望我們能一直為她演奏，直到她生命的最后時刻。她在想象自己在病房中離世的情形。她希望自己在經(jīng)受病痛最后的折磨時，有我們在身邊演奏舒伯特和海頓的曲子。

This was the first time anyone had asked me such a thing. I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t accept on behalf of my companions. I could only accept personally. But accepting meant being called for an emergency， at any hour of any day， to come with violin in hand to the bedside of a dying woman.

這是我第一次收到這樣的請求，不知該如何回應。我不能代表同伴作出承諾，只能代表自己。而這意味著我在任何時候都可能被緊急召喚，拿著小提琴來到一個臨終女子的床前。

To get off the hook， I told Monsieur Signy that I didn’t know whether the service would allow such a thing… Knowing Madame Gosselin as I knew her， I assumed the unit would agree to the request. But I bought myself some time.

為了擺脫這個尷尬局面，我對西格尼先生說，我不確定醫(yī)院是否會同意這樣做……據(jù)我對戈塞林夫人的了解，我想醫(yī)院會同意這個請求的。不過我為自己爭取到了一些思考的時間。

Before giving my answer， I talked to Madame Gosselin， who gave her approval. Monsieur Signy continued to await each of my visits anxiously. But the illness was devouring his wife. At first， she talked to me passionately about her favorite quartets： Beethoven’s last ones （especially the thirteenth and fourteenth）， Alban Berg’s opus 3， all of Darius Milhaud’s quartets， the very first by Samuel Barber （which is where his famous Adagio comes from） and Leo? Janá?ek’s Kreutzer Sonata， for instance. It was wonderful to talk about these pieces with her. However， bit by bit， her fervor seemed to dull.

在做出決定前，我和戈塞林夫人談了談，她果然同意了。西格尼先生繼續(xù)憂心忡忡地等待我每一次的到來，而病魔仍在吞噬他的妻子。起初，西格尼夫人還充滿激情地與我討論她最喜愛的四重奏，比如：貝多芬的最后幾部作品（尤其是第十三和第十四弦樂四重奏）、阿爾班·貝爾格的作品第三號、達律斯·米約的所有四重奏、塞繆爾·巴伯的第一首弦樂四重奏（其著名的《弦樂柔板》即源于此），以及萊奧什·亞納切克的《克羅伊策奏鳴曲》。與她談論這些作品真的很美好。然而，她的熱情似乎在一點一點地消退。

Monsieur Signy made a superhuman effort to bring his wife a bit of lightness. And I， too， played with a bit more ardor than usual. I nearly even overplayed， which had the unfortunate consequence of creating the opposite reaction in such a sensitive music lover.

西格尼先生竭盡所能給他的妻子帶去一些快樂，而我也比平時更加投入地演奏?？上?，我的演奏有些過火，對這位敏感的愛樂人產(chǎn)生了適得其反的效果。

In the four weeks leading up to her death， she didn’t want to hear anything about me， or my violin， or music in general. She had lost all appetite for the greatest passion of her life. At first， Monsieur Signy and I thought she was feeling rage or disgust， that it was a feeling that would pass. But the most shocking thing was to see her go from that first reaction to complete indifference. One month earlier， she and her husband had made a list of the pieces I would play during her last moments. It didn’t include anything mournful. No requiems， quite the opposite： excerpts from Schubert’s trio No. 2 and Haydn’s last violin concerto.

在她生命的最后四周，她不想聽到關(guān)于我和我的小提琴，以及任何與音樂有關(guān)的事。她對一生中最熱愛的事物全然失去了渴望。起初，西格尼先生和我以為她只是一時有些憤怒或厭煩，這種情緒很快會消散。但她由最初的這種反應漸漸變?yōu)閺氐椎睦淠@實在讓我們震驚。一個月前，她還和丈夫制定了希望我在她臨終時演奏的曲目清單。這份清單里沒有悲傷的樂曲。不是安魂曲，而是風格迥異的舒伯特第二鋼琴三重奏和海頓最后一部小提琴協(xié)奏曲的選段。

During the four weeks that followed， I thought a lot about the pieces they had chosen， which I had to adapt to play as solos. I wanted to play flawlessly for her.

在那之后的四周里，我認真思考他們挑選的這些曲目，我得將它們改編成獨奏樂曲。我想為西格尼夫人帶去一場完美的演出。

Madame Signy died on a Sunday morning and nobody called me to play during her final throes. She had told her husband that， upon reflection， she wanted only silence at the moment of her passing. Silence and his presence， also silent if possible. When I learned this， I was hurt. I told myself that Monsieur Signy could have at least called me to play the agreed-upon program at his wife’s grave. But that was idiotic and petty. In the midst of his pain， Monsieur Signy hadn’t had time to think of me.

西格尼夫人是在一個周日的早晨去世的，在她生命的最后時刻，沒有人通知我去演奏。她告訴丈夫，經(jīng)過深思熟慮后，她只想在寂靜中離世。只要寂靜和他的陪伴，可以的話，希望他也保持沉默。當我得知這一消息時，我很難過。我以為，西格尼先生至少會讓我去他妻子的墓前演奏之前商定的曲目。但這種想法愚蠢且狹隘。西格尼先生沉浸在痛苦中，根本沒有時間想到我。

It’s funny， but last week I got an offer to play Schubert’s trio No. 2 in public. I accepted without hesitation. And I thought， naturally， about Madame Signy. If you want to come hear me， I’d be truly delighted. It’ll be in September， at the Rouen Opera. I’ll be playing in homage to Madame Signy. And you can come listen to the music in her honor.

巧的是，上周我收到一份邀約，有機會公開演奏舒伯特的第二鋼琴三重奏。我毫不猶豫地接受了，并自然而然地想到了西格尼夫人。如果有人愿意來聽我演奏，我將欣喜不已。這場演出將于9月在魯昂歌劇院舉行。我將借此機會向西格尼夫人致敬。歡迎大家來聽這首為紀念她而演奏的曲子。

（譯者為“《英語世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎者）

1 joie de vivre〈法〉對生活的熱愛和享受。" 2 agony極大的痛苦。