廣東 李奕群

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

一篇優(yōu)秀的讀后續(xù)寫不僅要準(zhǔn)確地?cái)⑹鲆粋€(gè)故事，還要使敘述的故事出彩。這要求寫作者具備扎實(shí)的語言功底，同時(shí)能靈活、準(zhǔn)確地使用各種文學(xué)性的表達(dá)手法。但很多同學(xué)在進(jìn)行續(xù)寫的時(shí)候只關(guān)注情節(jié)的建構(gòu)和句型、短語的表達(dá)，全文缺乏對主旨句的提升，文章缺乏感染力，無法使讀者進(jìn)行深度思考和引起共鳴。

主旨句是全文的收筆處，精彩的結(jié)尾能夠起到點(diǎn)睛的作用。而“改變與成長”類讀后續(xù)寫的主旨句更能讓文章立意深刻。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

“改變與成長”是讀后續(xù)寫中的重要主題，在續(xù)寫第二段的結(jié)尾處，我們往往需要寫一些主旨句來點(diǎn)明文章的主題和要宣揚(yáng)的價(jià)值觀。讀后續(xù)寫情感升華的結(jié)尾主旨句要求有較高的立意，這樣的結(jié)尾能夠產(chǎn)生強(qiáng)烈的藝術(shù)感染力。怎么寫“改變與成長”類讀后續(xù)寫的主旨句呢？我們可以根據(jù)“改變”的因素來學(xué)習(xí)不同的表達(dá)。我們可以把“改變”的因素分為以下幾類，進(jìn)行歸納總結(jié)。

第一類：學(xué)習(xí)知識促“改變與成長”；

第二類：發(fā)揮天賦促“改變與成長”；

第三類：追逐夢想促“改變與成長”；

第四類：克服困難促“改變與成長”；

第五類：戰(zhàn)勝恐懼促“改變與成長”；

第六類：戰(zhàn)勝自卑促“改變與成長”；

第七類：戰(zhàn)勝消極促“改變與成長”。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength.Everyone has his own weakness, but life always offers his unexpected strength in his misfortune.We'd make full use of it just like the girl below;we are certainly fortunate to be given other blessings.

This is a story of one girl who decided to study judo (柔道) despite the fact that she had lost her left arm in a car accident.The girl began lessons with an old Japanese judo instructor.The girl was doing well.But she couldn't understand why, after three months of training,the instructor had taught her only one move.

“Instructor,”the girl finally said,“shouldn't I learn more moves?It isn't far enough to learn just this.”

“This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know,”the instructor replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in her instructor, the girl kept training.She didn't dare to complain about anything and it was apparent that since her instructor said so,she had to follow without any unhappiness.

Several months later, the instructor took the girl to her first tournament.Surprising herself, the girl easily won her first two matches.The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, her opponent became impatient and charged.The girl skillfully used her one move to win the match.Still amazed by her success,the girl was in the finals.

This time, her opponent was bigger, stronger and more experienced.For a while, the girl appeared to be defeated.Concerned that the girl might get hurt, the referee (裁判)called a timeout.She was about to stop the match when the instructor interrupted.

“No,”the instructor insisted,“l(fā)et her continue.”

Soon after the match started again, her opponent made a critical mistake: she dropped her guard.Instantly, the girl used her move to hold her opponent tightly.The girl had won the match and the tournament.She was the champion.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

一、故事梳理

這篇文章是以第三人稱的視角講述一個(gè)失去左臂的女孩學(xué)習(xí)柔道的故事。經(jīng)過三個(gè)月的訓(xùn)練，老師只教了她一個(gè)動(dòng)作。她卻憑借這一關(guān)鍵動(dòng)作參加比賽并贏得冠軍。我們可以用“5W原則”來分析文章結(jié)構(gòu)和內(nèi)容：

Where__Whe___n Who_Wha___t__W____hy in the field__________________________________________________________________in her first tournament_________________________________________________________one girl who decided to study judo despite the fact that she had lost her left arm, her oppo-________nents and her instructor The girl who lost her left arm won the judo match and the tournament.___________________Because the biggest weakness that she lost her left arm was also her biggest strength._______

二、語言分析

通過觀察我們發(fā)現(xiàn)原文開頭第一段就是主旨段，點(diǎn)明了文章的主題和意義，這為我們的續(xù)寫情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)奠定了基礎(chǔ)并指明了方向。

1.Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength.（Para.1）

有時(shí)候，你最大的弱點(diǎn)會(huì)成為你最大的力量。

2.Everyone has his own weakness, but life always offers his unexpected strength in his misfortune.（Para.1）

每個(gè)人都有他自己的弱點(diǎn)，但生活總是在他的不幸中給予他意想不到的力量。

3.We'd make full use of it just like the girl below; we are certainly fortunate to be given other blessings.（Para.1）

我們應(yīng)該像下面的女孩一樣充分利用它；我們當(dāng)然很幸運(yùn)，能得到更多祝福。

三、常用招式

第一類：學(xué)習(xí)知識促“改變與成長”

It's never too late to learn.Each individual has the right to accept more challenges and make more attempts.學(xué)習(xí)永遠(yuǎn)為時(shí)不晚。每個(gè)人都有權(quán)利去接受更多的挑戰(zhàn)，做更多的嘗試。

【分析】individual意為“個(gè)人；個(gè)體”；make more attempts意為“做更多的嘗試”。

第二類：發(fā)揮天賦促“改變與成長”

Actually, every individual possesses talent.Be brave when you find it and also make efforts.You can create miracles in the end.事實(shí)上，每個(gè)人都有天賦。當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)它的時(shí)候要勇敢，也要付出努力。最終你會(huì)創(chuàng)造奇跡。

【分析】possess意為“擁有”；create miracles意為“創(chuàng)造奇跡”。

第三類：追逐夢想促“改變與成長”

It's never too late to go for your dream.As long as you grasp every opportunity and take full advantage of it,you will stand a chance to realize your dream.追夢永遠(yuǎn)不晚。只要你抓住機(jī)會(huì)，充分利用機(jī)會(huì)，你就有機(jī)會(huì)實(shí)現(xiàn)夢想。

【分析】take full advantage of 意為“充分利用”；realize your dream意為“實(shí)現(xiàn)你的夢想”。

第四類：克服困難促“改變與成長”

The journey to success is not smooth.It is full of challenges and difficulties.We should be brave to face them.As long as we don't give up hope and make every effort to overcome all the difficulties,we will surely achieve our goal finally.通往成功的路不會(huì)平坦。這條路充滿挑戰(zhàn)和艱辛。我們要勇敢面對。只要我們不放棄希望并竭盡全力克服所有困難，我們最終會(huì)實(shí)現(xiàn)我們的目標(biāo)。

【分析】smooth 意為“平坦的”；overcome all the difficulties 意為“克服所有困難”；make every effort意為“竭盡全力”；as long as意為“只要”，引導(dǎo)條件狀語從句。

第五類：戰(zhàn)勝恐懼促“改變與成長”

Determination and optimism are what it takes to conquer your fear and accomplish your goal.戰(zhàn)勝恐懼和實(shí)現(xiàn)目標(biāo)，需要決心和樂觀。

【分析】conquer your fear 意為“克服你的恐懼”；accomplish your goal 意為“實(shí)現(xiàn)你的目標(biāo)”。

第六類：戰(zhàn)勝自卑促“改變與成長”

I smiled as I eventually realized the real source of confidence.Now, I am proud of what I look like and much happier, because I have realized it is your personality that decides who you truly are.我笑了，因?yàn)槲易罱K意識到了自信的真正來源?，F(xiàn)在，我為我的樣子感到驕傲，而且更快樂，因?yàn)槲乙呀?jīng)意識到，決定你真正是誰的是你的個(gè)性。

【分析】eventually意為“最后；終于”；personality意為“個(gè)性”。

第七類：戰(zhàn)勝消極促“改變與成長”

Attitude is more important than facts for us.We cannot change our past; we cannot change the facts.However,the only thing we can do is hold a positive attitude.態(tài)度對我們來說比事實(shí)更重要。 我們不能改變我們的過去；我們不能改變事實(shí)。然而，我們唯一能做的就是保持積極的態(tài)度。

【分析】positive attitude意為“積極的態(tài)度”。

參考范文

（加黑部分為主旨句。）

Paragraph 1:

On the way home,the girl and her instructor reviewed every move in each and every match.Then the girl took courage to ask what was really on her mind.“Instructor,how did I win the tournament with only one move?Is there any magic power about it?Is my opponent much weaker than me? Please tell me the secret.”She couldn't wait to know the answer,but the instructor appeared unhurried.Finally,he opened his mouth.

Paragraph 2:

“Two reasons account for your win,”the instructor answered.“First,you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.Second,the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.”Hearing these words, she was suddenly enlightened.The journey to success is not smooth.It is full of challenges and difficulties.We should be brave to face our weaknesses.As long as we don't give up hope and make every effort to overcome all the difficulties, our weaknesses can also become our strengths.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

At the age of six, I fell in love with art.In grade school, art on Fridays was what I looked forward to each week.I remember making ornaments (裝飾品) out of cardboard paper rolls.

All through school, art was my main interest because there were no mistakes to be made.Art provided self-esteem,love and a natural high like runners get.I loved staying up late drawing and listening to Johnny Cash.When I was doing Indian ink drawings, time stood still and I could see the ink filling the minute crevices(裂隙)in the paper.

There was a love affair with certain brushes and pencils.In the late fifties,my parents moved the family from a small town in Minn to the big city of Seattle.No woods to explore,so I would get up early in the morning and take my red wagon around to collect things that people placed on the roadside for the garbage man to pick up.I found great treasures.

At the age of twenty-two, I was working as a mechanic and fell in love with worn out gears (齒輪) and sprockets (鏈輪).My foreman showed me how to run a bead (珠子) of weld (焊接) and I practiced welding by creating art out of the scrap iron that we set out for the scrap man.Now at the age of sixty-five, I use a boom truck and a trailer to gather my scrap iron I refer to as rusty gold.

I had always had a dream of one day having a sculpture park for people to come and see my creations.There were a lot of rejections along the way from museums to art galleries and at the time they were negatives which fueled a fire inside me to create my own museum and gallery.I now realize those negatives had to happen in order for me to create a fouracre sculpture park at the base of Mount Rainer ten miles before the west entrance to the national park.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

【評價(jià)導(dǎo)思】