廣州 朱詠梅

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

讀后續(xù)寫主要依托于語言表達(dá)能力、邏輯思維能力、語言理解能力和語言模仿能力，是對(duì)原文的延續(xù)和收尾，續(xù)寫部分除了要合理并且跟原文在邏輯和內(nèi)容上保持一致，還要保持語言風(fēng)格的一致性。因此，續(xù)寫的文章在語言上也要順承原文的語言風(fēng)格。這就要求我們除了注重原文的邏輯和內(nèi)容，還需要模仿原文的語言風(fēng)格，以達(dá)到續(xù)寫部分與原文的高度融合。我們?cè)陂喿x原文時(shí)須認(rèn)真解讀原文的文本語言，并在續(xù)寫輸出中創(chuàng)造性地模仿原文的語言風(fēng)格。另外，我們?cè)谧x后續(xù)寫的過程中，經(jīng)常會(huì)進(jìn)入以下誤區(qū)：

1.續(xù)寫文章過多使用高級(jí)詞匯和生僻詞匯。在寫作中使用一些不常見的詞匯確實(shí)會(huì)讓一些評(píng)卷老師眼前一亮，畢竟在眾多千篇一律的答卷中看到一種意思的不同表達(dá)方法，而且語境是正確的，會(huì)讓疲憊的評(píng)卷老師擁有不一樣的心情。但是如果過多使用生僻詞匯，而且語境跟上下文不融合，這則會(huì)給人一種“為賦新詞強(qiáng)說愁”的感覺。所以，我們?cè)趯懽鬟^程中一定要注意使用適合續(xù)寫文章的生僻詞匯。高級(jí)詞匯可以用，但一定要與上下文語境一致。

2.動(dòng)作、情感描寫太夸張。有些同學(xué)為了套用老師平常要求背誦的句式表達(dá)，強(qiáng)硬地給文章中的人物安排不合適的情感、動(dòng)作，這使得故事情節(jié)相當(dāng)突兀，例如，當(dāng)描寫學(xué)生因?yàn)樽鲥e(cuò)事情而接受老師的批評(píng)的時(shí)候，需要描寫其害怕的心理活動(dòng)，可是有些同學(xué)直接把面對(duì)大型兇猛動(dòng)物時(shí)害怕的表達(dá)搬了過來，運(yùn)用了“At the sight of the teacher,I froze with terror,too scared to move an inch.”這一句子。這個(gè)句子的表達(dá)就有點(diǎn)夸張。因此，在續(xù)寫過程中，動(dòng)作、情感描寫要切合原文的語言，合乎邏輯。

3.對(duì)對(duì)話的處理不恰當(dāng)。有些同學(xué)在續(xù)寫的過程中不知道怎么寫，但是為了湊字?jǐn)?shù)，續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容大部分是文中人物的對(duì)話。在讀后續(xù)寫中能否描寫對(duì)話這一問題上，不同老師有不同的看法，筆者認(rèn)為這個(gè)也屬于文章語言風(fēng)格的模仿范疇。如果原文中基本沒有對(duì)話，那么后面的續(xù)寫內(nèi)容也應(yīng)盡量避免用對(duì)話來推動(dòng)情節(jié)的發(fā)展，而應(yīng)該用動(dòng)作、心理或者情境等方面的描寫。如果原文中有人物對(duì)話，但不多，續(xù)寫部分也應(yīng)該模仿，加入一些對(duì)話?？傊m(xù)寫中對(duì)對(duì)話的處理，取決于原文對(duì)對(duì)話的處理。

那么，我們應(yīng)該如何模仿原文的語言風(fēng)格呢？我們可以參考以下幾點(diǎn)：

1.深度解讀原文。只有在讀懂原文的基礎(chǔ)上，才能分析原文的語言風(fēng)格，才能確定后面的語言基調(diào)。

2.從原文的情感、語言等方面分析文本。讀完原文，解析每個(gè)人物的性格特點(diǎn)，從原文中動(dòng)作、情感、對(duì)話、環(huán)境等方面的描寫觀察文章中描述人物的語言特點(diǎn)，確定原文的語言風(fēng)格。

3.模仿原文的語言風(fēng)格，盡量和原文保持一致。確定原文的語言風(fēng)格后，創(chuàng)造出與原文性格特點(diǎn)一致的人物形象，運(yùn)用與原文一致的文筆手法，對(duì)后續(xù)的事件展開合理的創(chuàng)作。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

I was turning ten in the summer of 1995.On a warm evening while we were at dinner table,my mom announced we were taking a trip to Niagara Falls when the summer vacation started so that we could celebrate my birthday there.

It all sounded incredibly good until Mom said we would be driving to Canada.As was often the case, my dad would do all the driving when my mom managed the directions.But Dad often took wrong turns along the way and Mom would not stop complaining.

I didn't like the car rides and looked over at my 6-year-old sister, Marlene.She giggled at me and rolled her eyes.Driving in the car meant I'd share the back seat with my sister,who would never stop making noise unless she was asleep.

“Hey, can we take a plane there instead?”I asked with mouthfuls of hamburger and French fries.Sometimes,when Dad had a day off from work,we would drive out to Idlewild Airport to watch the planes take off and land.I always hoped that one day I could get to sit in my own seat on one of those planes.It would be so cool to get high up the beautiful sky.

“Sorry, honey, maybe next time,”my mother replied as she and my father exchanged glances.I turned to my sister, hoping she would say she wanted to get on a plane too, but she simply stuck her tongue(舌頭)out at me and giggled again.

Don't they get it?I was in desperate need of a plane ride,and I needed something cool to talk about with my friends when we got home.“Sitting in the back seat of the car sucks,”I blurted out(脫口而出).

“Jay!”my mom shouted.“Watch your mouth!”

“OK,sorry,but I really want to go by plane,”I said.

“This conversation is over,”my dad growled.“Finish your eating and go to your room.”

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

We left two days later on Saturday morning in our car.__________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

I was told to wait until we checked in our bags at the airport.______________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

-文本解讀

一、原文的語篇要素

Who my mom,my dad,my sister and I When in the summer of 1995 when I was turning ten What discussing whether to go to Niagara Falls for my birthday by car or by air Where at home Why In my opinion,the advantages of travelling by air outweighed its disadvantages.How My parents refused my request and decided to go there by car.

二、原文的情節(jié)脈絡(luò)

三、原文的巧妙用詞

1.On a warm evening while we were at dinner table, my mom announced we were taking a trip to Niagara Falls when the summer vacation started so that we could celebrate my birthday there.在一個(gè)溫暖的晚上，我們?cè)诔燥埖臅r(shí)候，我的媽媽宣布暑假開始的時(shí)候，我們將要去尼亞加拉大瀑布旅行，以便我們能在那里慶祝我的生日。

文中對(duì)環(huán)境的描寫用了warm這個(gè)詞，而且這次旅行的目的是celebrate my birthday，這就為后文的續(xù)寫奠定了基調(diào)——一定是以“我”為主的一次旅行。

2.It all sounded incredibly good until Mom said we would be driving to Canada.這一切聽起來都非常好，直到媽媽說我們會(huì)開車去加拿大。

這里用副詞incredibly 來修飾good這個(gè)形容詞，說明“我”對(duì)自己生日的安排很滿意，又用一個(gè)until引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語從句，點(diǎn)出了美中不足的地方。因?yàn)檫@次的旅程是專門為慶?！拔摇钡纳斩鴾?zhǔn)備的，所以后面“我”為自己爭(zhēng)取坐飛機(jī)去那里也就合情合理了。

四、文章運(yùn)用了各種語言風(fēng)格來推動(dòng)文章的發(fā)展

1.現(xiàn)在分詞作主語和定語從句的運(yùn)用

Driving in the car meant I'd share the back seat with my sister, who would never stop making noise unless she was asleep.開車意味著我要跟我的妹妹分享后面的座位，她不會(huì)停止制造噪聲除非她睡著了。

Driving in the car為現(xiàn)在分詞作主語，現(xiàn)在分詞的使用避免了句式的單一，并且后面用了一個(gè)定語從句who would never stop making noise unless she was asleep，進(jìn)一步說明了“我”不想開車去瀑布的原因。

2.對(duì)話的描寫和狀語從句的運(yùn)用

“Sorry, honey, maybe next time,”my mother replied as she and my father exchanged glances.“對(duì)不起，親愛的，可能下一次（我們?cè)僮w機(jī)去吧，這次不行）?！眿寢尰卮鸬?，與此同時(shí)她和爸爸交換了一下眼色。

這句話用as 引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語從句對(duì)人物的動(dòng)作進(jìn)行細(xì)節(jié)描寫，為后面的續(xù)寫做了鋪墊。讀到這里，讓人不禁深思：為什么爸爸媽媽要交換眼色呢？前面對(duì)話的描寫和后面動(dòng)作的描寫讓人思考媽媽這句話暗含的意思是什么。如果我們能注意到這些寫作特點(diǎn)并將其運(yùn)用到后面的續(xù)寫中去，那么我們就能做到續(xù)寫文章與原文的語言風(fēng)格類似。

3.非謂語作狀語和賓語從句的運(yùn)用

I turned to my sister, hoping she would say she wanted to get on a plane too, but she simply stuck her tongue out at me and giggled again.我轉(zhuǎn)向我的妹妹，希望她能說她也希望坐飛機(jī)，但是她僅僅向我吐了吐舌頭并且再次咯咯地笑了起來。

本句中，hoping she would say she wanted to get on a plane too 用了非謂語作狀語和賓語從句，表達(dá)了“我”希望妹妹能站在自己這邊勸說父母改變出行方式，但是妹妹僅僅向“我”吐了吐舌頭，而且再一次笑了，這讓人覺得她的笑內(nèi)含深意，也為后面的續(xù)寫奠定了基礎(chǔ)。

4.用對(duì)話等描寫表達(dá)角色的感情

“Jay!”my mom shouted.“Watch your mouth!”...“This conversation is over,”my dad growled.“Finish your eating and go to your room.”“杰伊！”媽媽大喊。“注意你的言辭！”……“談話結(jié)束了，”我爸爸咆哮道?！俺酝昊氐侥愕姆块g去?！?/p>

媽媽的shouted 和爸爸的growled 暗示著“我們”這次的討論不歡而散。這也為后面故事的反轉(zhuǎn)做了鋪墊，這樣看起來后面的續(xù)寫故事的基本走向就比較清晰明了了。

五、續(xù)寫故事設(shè)計(jì)與語言運(yùn)用

續(xù)寫第一段段首句是“We left two days later on Saturday morning in our car.”（兩天之后的周六早上我們開自己的車出發(fā)了。）?？此乒适碌陌l(fā)展是按照父母原來確定好的路線——開車出行。但是如果僅看到第一段段首句而忽視了第二段段首句，就會(huì)掉進(jìn)陷阱，導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫第一段與后面的線索銜接不順暢。因?yàn)槔m(xù)寫第二段段首句“I was told to wait until we checked in our bags at the airport.”［我被告知（繼續(xù)）等待直到在機(jī)場(chǎng)辦理我們的行李托運(yùn)手續(xù)。］暗示了后面“我”的生日愿望——坐飛機(jī)去瀑布那里——很可能得以實(shí)現(xiàn)。

那么在續(xù)寫第一段我們要思考到底是什么原因?qū)е隆拔覀儭焙竺嬉C(jī)場(chǎng)，是因?yàn)楦改傅陌才?，還是車子出了問題“我們”不得不改變出行方式。從原文的一系列分析中，我們可以感受到其實(shí)父母早就想尊重“我”的愿望，實(shí)現(xiàn)“我”想坐飛機(jī)出行的夢(mèng)想，并且很可能妹妹也是知情者，雖然她只有六歲。所以續(xù)寫第一段可以通過對(duì)環(huán)境、動(dòng)作、心理等一系列的細(xì)節(jié)描寫來表達(dá)作者的郁悶、心有不甘但又無可奈何的境況。并且續(xù)寫第一段就要有這一內(nèi)容：“我”驚喜地發(fā)現(xiàn)“我們”居然要去機(jī)場(chǎng)。

續(xù)寫第二段的描寫可能是偏向?qū)υ捠降慕忉?，因?yàn)樵囊灿昧艘恍?duì)話來推進(jìn)故事的發(fā)展，所以在續(xù)寫這段時(shí)運(yùn)用對(duì)話是非常合適的。而作者肯定也很納悶為什么父母之前不同意坐飛機(jī)去旅行，卻又在中途變卦，這也是讀者心里的一個(gè)疑團(tuán)。所以第二段的重點(diǎn)應(yīng)該是解惑和一次完美快樂的生日之旅。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

We left two days later on Saturday morning in our car.Sighing with disappointment, I helped carry the suitcase to the trunk of the car.There I was speechlessly sitting in the back with my sister, who was shouting loudly to express her excitement of the trip.Murmuring in a down voice, I tried to practice picturing to my friends how wonderful my car trip would be though it was not.After what seemed like a lifetime, I felt extremely relieved when Marlene finally fell asleep beside me.Looking out of the window, I caught sight of a large plane flying overhead.How I wished I were on that plane! Suddenly, I noticed my father drove past a sign which read“Airport Parking”.Confused,I looked at my mom, hoping she could tell me what was going on.Wearing a mysterious smile on Dad's face,he asked us all to get off our car with all our belongings.

Paragraph 2:

I was told to wait until we checked in our bags at the airport.Seeing the puzzled look on my face, Mom happily explained,“Surprised, honey? It's not our plan to go Niagara Falls by car, just as you can see.We want to give you the choice and pretend to do the opposite in order to give you an unforgettable birthday!”My dad also wished me a happy birthday as he bent down to kiss my head while Marlene threw her arms around me,winking and giggling once again heartily, which revealed that even my sister also knew the whole plot.Tears of joy welled up in my eyes and I couldn't help hugging them tightly,crying,“Thank you! I love you.”Words failed to express my emotion at that time.What touched me most was the great love, patience and tolerance from my family.I will never forget this memorable birthday!

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

Emily came from a musical family.Her father was a famous pianist in his early years and later was a music instructor.Her mother, was a performer and composer.Emily's older brother was a cellist and part of the church's choir.However,Emily wasn't like her brother.She was unable to play any instrument.

“You have to be an instrument that you're playing.Why aren't you able to do it?”Emily's father said to her, advising her to learn to play the piano.From time to time, her mother would show the wish that Emily could develop her ability to perform on the stage.It seemed that the whole family was pushing her to play music.Every time this happened, it was a massive pain for her.Emily felt that she wasn't part of her family.It was her dream to become just like the rest of them.However, no matter how hard she tried, she was unable to make it.

“Being different doesn't mean that you aren't blessed with any potential or talent,”said Sarah,a teacher of Emily.“Maybe there is something interesting that I can do,”Emily thought.Every evening, Emily spent time sketching or drawing and painting in her bedroom.Her paintings showed her father on the piano and her brother on the cello as well as her mother performing on the stage.Her paintings were vivid and the emotions were real.The paintings revealed how much her family was devoted to music.The paintings also revealed the things Emily was skilled at.

But her family did not even know.The only thing they knew was that Emily was unable to sing and play one musical instrument.And they weren't happy with her at all.Emily was a lover of her loved ones,and she loved them dearly.She wanted to be the pride of the family someday.How could this happen when she wasn't able to do what they asked her to accomplish?

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

The answer was found when Sarah saw her gift for the arts._______________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

When her parents saw her artwork,they were moved deeply._______________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.請(qǐng)歸納本文描寫細(xì)節(jié)的詞匯或句子。

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

2.文章使用了哪些修辭手法？

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

3.對(duì)比你的文章和范文，有哪些異同？

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________