陳光偉

在續(xù)寫(xiě)創(chuàng)作中，考生容易因忽略文章中隱藏的信息，導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫(xiě)部分融洽度不高。

“契科夫法則”是19世紀(jì)俄國(guó)作家契科夫短篇小說(shuō)善用的一種文學(xué)技巧，即“在故事早期的某一元素，直到后面才顯現(xiàn)其重要性。換言之，在故事開(kāi)頭出現(xiàn)過(guò)的事物一定會(huì)在故事后面展現(xiàn)，否則，它就不應(yīng)出現(xiàn)。”同樣，在原文中如果出現(xiàn)作者用一定筆墨描寫(xiě)的事物，在續(xù)寫(xiě)中就應(yīng)該有再次出現(xiàn)的必要。牢記此法則，可幫我們抓住隱含線索，突破讀寫(xiě)協(xié)同的困境。下面我們來(lái)看一篇例子：

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫(xiě)兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

Growing up， I understood one thing about my dad： He knew everything. This was our relationship： I asked him questions and he told me the answers.

In my teen years， he taught me things I’d need to know to survive in the real world. When I moved out on my own， I called him usually when something broke into my apartment and I needed to know how to fix the toilet， the air-conditioner or the wall.

But then， eventually， I needed him less. For everything， I had Google. I don’t know when it happened， but when I called，our conversations developed into six words. Me：“Hi， Dad”. Him： “Hi， sweets. Here’s Mom.”I loved my dad， of course， but I wondered at times if maybe he had already shared everything I needed to know.

Then， this past summer， I moved in with my parents for three weeks while my house was being repaired. They own a lake house， and Dad asked me to help him rebuild the bulkhead（隔板）at their dock（船塢）.

“How do you know how to build a bulkhead？”

“I spent a summer in college building them on the Jersey shore.”

“You did？”I thought I knew everything about my dad. I knew about the summer at the manufacturing plant that burned his hands raw， and even the tiny little kitchen， where he learned how to make the best pancake. But I never knew this.

“Yes. Now come up here and let me teach you how to use this circulars saw（圓鋸）.”All of a sudden， I realized that maybe it’s not that there’s nothing left to say. Maybe it’s just that I’ve spent my life asking him the wrong questions.

注意：

1. 續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2. 請(qǐng)按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。

We ended up our talking but I was lost in thought. ________

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“Wait， Dad，”I said.“How are you？”_________________

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語(yǔ)篇解讀

作者小時(shí)候一直認(rèn)為父親無(wú)所不知，有什么問(wèn)題都向父親尋求幫助。長(zhǎng)大后，作者覺(jué)得自己已經(jīng)很了解父親了，并且有問(wèn)題可以從網(wǎng)絡(luò)上搜索，以至于慢慢地，和父親沒(méi)有什么話可說(shuō)了。然后，在剛剛過(guò)去的這個(gè)夏天，作者搬去和自己的父母住了三個(gè)星期。作者的父親讓作者幫他重建碼頭的隔板。續(xù)寫(xiě)部分分為兩段，第一段開(kāi)頭是：我們結(jié)束了談話，但我陷入了沉思，所以應(yīng)該寫(xiě)作者重新審視自己對(duì)父親是否真的了解，發(fā)現(xiàn)一直以來(lái)自己只是從父親那里獲得問(wèn)題的答案，從未試圖真正去了解父親的生活。本段應(yīng)詳細(xì)描寫(xiě)作者內(nèi)心的想法。第二段開(kāi)頭是：“等等，爸爸”，我說(shuō)，“你好嗎？”本段應(yīng)該寫(xiě)那天作者和父親聊了很多，作者發(fā)現(xiàn)自己想和父親說(shuō)話，這是一個(gè)全新的開(kāi)始。

考生習(xí)作

We ended up our talking but I was lost in thought. How much on earth did I know about this man in front of me？ I stared into Dad， reading his modest expression， reading his wrinkles imprinted by age， together with untold stories.“You listening？”Dad’s gentle voice dragged me back to reality. I nodded. Then with acquaintance， he displayed me the usage of the saw and gave me detailed instructions， which to a large extent amazed me. It was at this moment that he accidentally hurt his finger. With beads of blood dropping， he continued his work as if nothing had happened.

“Wait， Dad，”I said.“How are you？”Looking up， Dad noticed my worry and smiled. He went to grasp some soil near the lake and covered them around the injured finger. Before long， it miraculously stopped bleeding. I wowed in awe， which marked the beginning of our further communication. When building the bulkhead， Dad shared with me his arduous life journey and countless skills and knowledge he boasted. On finishing rebuilding，I was lost in thought again. I always ask questions centering myself instead of Dad. I blamed myself now for not knowing him well. It’s time for me to ask the“right”questions.

教師點(diǎn)評(píng)

該作品中，主題、人物形象的設(shè)計(jì)都沒(méi)有問(wèn)題;情節(jié)方面，考生未能準(zhǔn)確理解“How are you？”這一問(wèn)候語(yǔ)（與Are you all right？混淆），設(shè)計(jì)了父親受傷這一情節(jié)，此處需改進(jìn)。結(jié)尾處It’s time for me to ask the “right”questions與原文最后一句Maybe it’s just that I’ve spent my life asking him the wrong questions形成照應(yīng)，也是亮點(diǎn)之一。整體來(lái)說(shuō)，該作品用詞準(zhǔn)確，句型結(jié)構(gòu)多樣化，語(yǔ)流通暢，體現(xiàn)了考生較好的語(yǔ)言素養(yǎng)。

但如果利用“契科夫法則”審視考生續(xù)寫(xiě)，不難發(fā)現(xiàn)原文中幾處較明顯的伏筆，考生作品并沒(méi)有體現(xiàn)，如Me：“Hi， Dad”. Him：“Hi， sweets. Here’s Mom.”這個(gè)第三段提到的場(chǎng)面卻在后面的文章中只字未提，根據(jù)“契科夫法則”，前有因必定后有果，我們可以在續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段的結(jié)尾將打電話這一情景元素融入進(jìn)去。作者與父親通電話，父親按往常想把電話轉(zhuǎn)給母親，這與第二段的“Wait， Dad，”I said.能較好地銜接起來(lái)。那如何設(shè)置一個(gè)打電話的場(chǎng)景呢？可以增加作者已經(jīng)搬回去這一情節(jié)，這與原文的I moved in with my parents for three weeks while my house was being repaired也能形成呼應(yīng)，并且“How are you？”的問(wèn)候也更符合這個(gè)情景。具體表達(dá)見(jiàn)作文范例的劃線部分。

作文范例

We ended up our talking but I was lost in thought. For years， I had taken it for granted that dad could give me answers to any of my questions only if I asked， but seldom did I try to understand his life just like the summer when he was building bulkhead and what he wanted from me. Maybe he was also eager to share his story with me， or he wouldn’t have asked me to help him rebuild the bulkhead. After all， it was hard， manual labor. A few weeks later， after I moved back into my house， I called my parents. Dad answered.“Hi， sweets，”he said.“Here’s Mom.”

“Wait， Dad，”I said. “How are you？”We talked a lot that day， from the little quarrel between him and my mom to the job he was working on. Nothing important. To anyone else， it would sound like a normal conversation between a dad and his daughter. But to me， it was novel， as well as to my dad. I sensed his voice with excitement and delight. It was a whole new beginning. I spent the first part of my life needing to talk to my dad. Now I talk to him because I want to.

責(zé)任編輯 蔣小青