Two years ago,I took a taxi from Beijing to Xianghe in Hebei province,which is something of a lengthy trip.

A friend of mine was holding a marathon and my family and I all participated in the competition to support him.

The traffic was heavy,and the sun was an intense fireball.

My son,Luoluo,was sitting in the back with me.He appeared to be carsick,starting to feel more and more nauseous.I told a story to distract him from his misery.

It began with him asking,“Where did I come from?”

I told him,“One day,Mommy and Daddy wanted a child,so Daddy put a seed in Mommy’s body,and then we fell asleep,hand in hand.In our dreams,we flew to the sky where we met a fairy.She waved at us and said,‘Would you like a child? Come with me and select a little angel.’”

Luoluo was so fascinated by the story that he forgot everything around him.

Giving free play to my imagination,I described the scene as vividly as possible and told him about seeing all the little angels.

“In the playground,there were lots of little angels.They ran after each other and they were very happy.Finally,we saw a little angel next to a slide.He was a small glutenous boy with some bread crumbs that were stuck to the corner of his mouth.His eyes would narrow when he smiled.”

Knowing I was talking about him,Luoluo started smiling,eyes narrowing into slits.

My hubby,who was sitting in the front passenger seat,suddenly turned and said,“You ran so fast that I couldn’t catch you at all!”

That day,I told the story five times.

The variations included how his dad and I decided to choose him and only him to be our son,regardless of the fairy trying to persuade us to think it over.

After hearing the story five times,Luoluo fell asleep.When he woke up,he asked me when we found out he was that little angel.

As our taxi was pulling into Xianghe,I looked outside the window and said,“Nine months after that dream,I gave birth to you.The moment Dad saw you,he shouted in surprise,‘Oh my!Isn’t he the angel we picked in our dream?’”

My husband had loosened his seatbelt and was about to get out of the car when he heard what I was saying.Turning back,he said,“Yeah,that’s exactly what happened.”

One day six months later,Luoluo was acting like such a little hellion that I lost my temper and pushed him out the door.

“I don’t want to be your mom anymore!” I shouted in anger.

Never in my wildest imagination could I have predicted what he was to say next.He asked me in a heartwrenching fury,“I was happy as a little angel in Heaven,then you had to pick me and bring me to this world to live.Now you’re saying you don’t want me anymore?”

For a bloated and uncomfortable moment,I was too shocked to be angry.I apologized saying,“Sorry,Luoluo.I’ll never ask you to leave again.”

One evening,I saw him smiling at the night sky.When asked what he was doing,he pointed to the new moon and said,“Is that the slide? The one I was standing by when you and Daddy found me?”

Another time,when we were looking at star charts,I explained to him what Libra and Cancer were and he said excitedly,“When I was a little angel,I played this harp and hung out with this little crab!”

Even when we were on holiday in the countryside,where we could see every star clearly in the sky,Luoluo pointed at the Milky Way excitedly,“When I was a little angel,I must’ve washed my feet in that beautiful river!”

When he was completely sold on the idea of being a little angel,the world was engulfed in dreamy colors.To him,life became a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces,and he just filled in the missing pieces with his wild imagination all based on him being an angel.And that’s how a story grows.

Small children are not onlyinterested in “what happened before,” but also eager to know“what happens after.”

The first thing that Luoluo was curious about was where his wings had gone.

I told him we hid them,in case he flew away.My husband remarked,“We did hide them,but when you can and want to fly,I’ll go with you.”

Perhaps that’s the difference between a mom and a dad.

His curiosity didn’t stop there.“Where are the wings now?” He wanted to know.

For quite a while after that,Luoluo would always rummage through chests and cupboards,looking for his wings,whenever he was alone in his room.He even asked his classmates,“Have you found your wings?”

I didn’t find an answer to his question until the Spring Festival rush came.

“Do you know why Mom and Dad take you to our hometown every year? Because one of your wings is hidden in a cave on Mount Huang,in Mom’s hometown in Anhui Province,and the other is in a cave on Mount Wuyi in Dad’s hometown in Fujian Province.We go home when your wings call for us.”

However,there are more questions that are harder to answer than the ones about wings.

“What was I before I was a little angel?”

“Were you and Dad angels too?”

“If I’m an angel,then when I grow up and want children,do I have to go to Heaven to pick a little angel too?”

Luoluo’s questions were neverending.

Ultimately,I had no choice but to fill in the gaps in the story,“Little angels are brought home by their parents into the mortal world.When they grow up and want to be parents,they’ll go to Heaven and pick little angels to be their children.Then when they’re really,really old,they’ll go back to Heaven and become little angels again,waiting to be found by their parents.”

God knows how hard it is to make up such a story.

And God knows how marvelous a child’s imagination can be.

One morning,I opened my eyes and noticed Luoluo was already awake.Seeing his worried face,I asked him,“What’s on your mind?”

He said,“If you and Dad go back to Heaven in the future,is it possible we’ll never see each other again?”

I told him,“Maybe not.But maybe one day when Dad and I come back to the Earth again and go to Heaven to pick a little angel as our child,we might see you.But all of us will look different and may not recognize each other.”

一

兩年前的一天，我打了輛專車，從北京去香河。

朋友在那里辦馬拉松，我?guī)胰①?，為他捧?chǎng)。

交通很堵，烈日炎炎。

孩子和我坐在后排，依偎著我，他感到越來(lái)越不舒服，想吐，看來(lái)是暈車了。為引開(kāi)他的注意力，我便給他講故事。

故事從他問(wèn)“我從哪里來(lái)”開(kāi)始。

我說(shuō)：“洛洛啊，你知道嗎？有一天，爸爸媽媽想要一個(gè)孩子，爸爸就把種子放在媽媽的身體里，然后我們手拉手睡著了。夢(mèng)里，我們飛到天上，遇見(jiàn)一個(gè)仙女，仙女對(duì)我們招手，說(shuō)：‘想要孩子嗎？跟我去挑一個(gè)小天使吧?！?/p>

洛洛聽(tīng)入神了。

我發(fā)揮想象，盡情勾勒在天上遇見(jiàn)小天使們的情景——

“游樂(lè)園里，許多小天使在玩耍。

“他們你追我，我追你。

“終于，我和爸爸在滑滑梯旁發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)小天使，他有點(diǎn)饞，嘴角還有一粒面包渣，一笑眼就瞇起來(lái)……”

洛洛知道，我說(shuō)的是他，眼已經(jīng)瞇起來(lái)。

坐在副駕駛座的爸爸忽然轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)頭，加入創(chuàng)作：“還跑得特別快，我抓都抓不住。”

那天，這個(gè)故事我講了五遍。

后面的情節(jié)包括，我和爸爸如何一眼挑中他、下定決心要他，仙女如何苦勸我們?cè)傧胂?、再挑挑，都被我們?yán)詞拒絕。

聽(tīng)了五遍，洛洛睡著了。

醒來(lái)，他問(wèn)我，什么時(shí)候發(fā)現(xiàn)他就是那個(gè)小天使。

車已進(jìn)香河境內(nèi)，我看著窗外——

“夢(mèng)醒后的第九個(gè)月，我生下了你，爸爸見(jiàn)你第一眼就驚呆了，沖我喊：‘天啊，這不就是我們?cè)谔焐咸舻男√焓箚?？’?/p>

前排的爸爸解開(kāi)安全帶，準(zhǔn)備下車，再次回頭，表示肯定：“對(duì)！”

二

半年后的一天，因?yàn)槁迓宀宦?tīng)話，我情緒失控，把他推出門(mén)，我說(shuō)：“我不想做你媽媽了?！?/p>

他的反應(yīng)出乎我意料。

他憤怒地質(zhì)問(wèn)我：“我在天上做小天使好好的，是你把我挑回來(lái)的，現(xiàn)在不想要我了？”

一時(shí)間，我驚詫得忘了生氣。

我立馬說(shuō)：“對(duì)不起，我再也不說(shuō)讓你走了。”

此后，出現(xiàn)過(guò)，他笑瞇瞇對(duì)著夜空發(fā)呆，問(wèn)他在干什么，他反問(wèn)我：“就是那架滑滑梯嗎？”他指著一彎新月：“是你和爸爸發(fā)現(xiàn)我的滑滑梯嗎？”

還出現(xiàn)過(guò)，看星云圖，我解釋什么是天琴座，什么是巨蟹座，他暢想著：“我在天上做小天使的時(shí)候，就彈過(guò)這個(gè)琴，和這個(gè)小螃蟹玩過(guò)?！?/p>

甚至，我們?cè)诰┙级燃?，清晰?jiàn)到銀河的那一夜，洛洛脫口而出的也是：“??！我做小天使時(shí)，一定在這條河邊洗過(guò)腳?！?/p>

總之，當(dāng)他堅(jiān)信自己是小天使時(shí)，一切都變得有夢(mèng)幻色彩，他像玩拼圖一樣，拿想象補(bǔ)全前史，發(fā)生的一切都以天使為邏輯存在。

故事就這么自己長(zhǎng)出來(lái)了。

三

然而，孩子并不滿足于知道“前”，還關(guān)心著如何“后”。

Luoluo was worried almost all day until he got home after school.He put his arms around my neck and declared that he had a good idea.

“Mom,you know how I always pronounce ‘walk’ as ‘work’?” he asked.“When you and Dad come to pick a little angel,I’ll sit next to the slide,in case we can’t recognize each other.I won’t go with anyone else until I hear you call out ‘work’ and then I’ll know you’re my parents and I’ll come home with you.”

His face brightened into a big smile and his eyes narrowed into those same cute little slits again.

Tears started flowing in an unending stream,and I was powerless to stop them.Now it’s time to write about this story,I thought to myself.

It’s a story that has naturally grown.It has sprouted,blossomed and born fruit from a child’s imagination.

It’s a real story that was gifted to me by a little angel and I was simply there to record it in all its beautiful innocence.

(FromGentleness on Earth:Be a Warm Person the Rest of My Life.Jiangsu Phoenix Literature and Art Publishing Ltd.Translation:Liu Lili)

洛洛第一關(guān)心的是，如果他是天使，他的翅膀后來(lái)去哪兒了？

我的解釋是藏起來(lái)了，怕他飛走；爸爸的解釋是，藏起來(lái)了，“但等你能飛、想飛，我就陪你飛”。

呵，這也是爸爸和媽媽的區(qū)別吧。

然而，問(wèn)題又來(lái)了：“究竟藏到哪里去了？”

一段時(shí)間內(nèi)，只要洛洛單獨(dú)待在房間，就翻箱倒柜；他還問(wèn)同學(xué)：“你找到你的翅膀了嗎？”

我是在春運(yùn)途中，終于找到合適答案的——

“為什么每年，爸爸媽媽要帶你回老家？因?yàn)槟愕某岚?，一只藏在媽媽的老家安徽黃山的山洞里，一只藏在爸爸的老家福建武夷山的山洞里，我們回老家，是翅膀在默默引領(lǐng)著我們回去看它?！?/p>

然而，還有比翅膀更難解決的問(wèn)題，即生死——

“天使在做天使之前，是什么？”

“你和爸爸以前也是天使嗎？”

“如果我是天使，我以后想要孩子，也要去天上挑天使嗎？”

洛洛的問(wèn)題追著問(wèn)題。

于是，我編織了一個(gè)輪回：“小天使被人間的父母挑回來(lái)，慢慢長(zhǎng)大，也變成父母，再去天上挑天使做孩子；他們變老，特別老，就再回到天上，過(guò)一段時(shí)間，再變成天使，等待人間的父母來(lái)挑?！?/p>

天知道，編織的過(guò)程有多復(fù)雜。

天知道，孩子的衍生能力有多奇妙。

當(dāng)一個(gè)清晨，我醒來(lái)，發(fā)現(xiàn)洛洛睜大著眼睛，顯然醒得更早，并顯得很憂慮，我問(wèn)他：“你在想什么？”

他回答：“如果你和爸爸回到天上，我還在地上，我們是不是見(jiàn)不著了？”

我說(shuō)：“也許見(jiàn)不著。也許有一天，我和爸爸又到地上，又需要去天上挑小天使，可能還會(huì)遇見(jiàn)你，但我們都變樣了，不一定認(rèn)識(shí)對(duì)方，可能會(huì)錯(cuò)過(guò)。”

他就這么憂慮了一天，直到晚上放學(xué)回來(lái)，摟著我的脖子，說(shuō)他想出辦法了——

那天，洛洛說(shuō)：“媽媽，我不是總把‘走’喊成‘抖’嗎？等你和爸爸再去挑小天使時(shí)，我們都變樣了，我就坐在滑滑梯旁，誰(shuí)來(lái)挑我我都不走，你們一喊‘抖’，我就知道我的爸爸媽媽來(lái)了，我就跟你們回家?！?/p>

他因想出辦法，眼睛又笑得瞇起來(lái)。

而我哭了，我想是時(shí)候?qū)戇@個(gè)故事了。

一個(gè)自然生長(zhǎng)出來(lái)的故事，一個(gè)偶然開(kāi)頭，孩子卻讓它發(fā)芽開(kāi)花結(jié)果的故事。

一個(gè)真正由天使賜給我的故事，我只是記錄者。

（摘自《人間溫柔：余生做一個(gè)溫暖的人》江蘇鳳凰文藝出版社）