湖南

讀后續(xù)寫的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)中的五檔作文要求：與所給短文融洽度較高；有效地使用了語句間的連接成分，使所續(xù)寫短文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊；所使用語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯豐富。這給學(xué)生提升讀后續(xù)寫能力提供了有效途徑。在實(shí)踐中，學(xué)生容易游離于所給文段的中心思想，寫出結(jié)構(gòu)不合理、語言乏味的文章。而完整的行文結(jié)構(gòu)與語言表達(dá)應(yīng)相輔相成，在任何一篇優(yōu)秀的作品里二者都是不可分割的?！垛袢恍膭?dòng)》（Flipped）這本書講述了其貌不揚(yáng)的小女孩和帥氣小男孩的戀愛故事，另有同名電影促進(jìn)學(xué)生對(duì)故事情節(jié)的理解，且詞匯難度適中，適合高中生閱讀。由于其具有趣味性、結(jié)構(gòu)完整性、語言豐富性，因此可作為提升學(xué)生寫作能力的閱讀佳作。在閱讀原著小說的過程中，學(xué)生能夠?qū)W會(huì)欣賞行文結(jié)構(gòu)的設(shè)計(jì)、積累豐富的詞匯表達(dá)，在讀后續(xù)寫的輸出中下筆如有神。

一、結(jié)構(gòu)完整性

達(dá)到結(jié)構(gòu)完整性是學(xué)生寫出好作文的重難點(diǎn)，受中文思維的影響，學(xué)生容易忽略對(duì)寫作結(jié)構(gòu)的設(shè)計(jì)。而只有使段落及篇章結(jié)構(gòu)連續(xù)緊湊，才能準(zhǔn)確地向讀者傳達(dá)作者的思想。想要達(dá)到結(jié)構(gòu)完整性可以從巧用重復(fù)和妙用邏輯兩個(gè)方面入手。在訓(xùn)練中要求學(xué)生不僅要用重復(fù)使續(xù)寫文段與所給文段的中心思想相呼應(yīng)，還要用邏輯詞表現(xiàn)故事情節(jié)的轉(zhuǎn)折、遞進(jìn)等關(guān)系。兩種手法的運(yùn)用能夠使得文段前后一致，緊湊有條理。

1.巧用重復(fù)

巧用重復(fù)包括運(yùn)用原詞重復(fù)、近義詞重復(fù)、句式重復(fù)。

（1）原詞重復(fù)

通過原詞重復(fù)達(dá)到聚集中心的目的，讀起來有統(tǒng)一連續(xù)性。如：

Chapter 1:①Finally I break free and do the only manly thing available when you’re seven years old—I dive behind my mother.②I spotted her in the nick of time and dove under my bed,but man,that right there tells you something about Juli Baker.③It is way better to dive down and get out of the way than it is to get clobbered by some parental tidal wave.④Whatever.I was stuck with her sniffing.And since I couldn’t see her perfectly penned answers anymore,my grades took a dive.

dive 是一個(gè)線索，它在整章中不斷地重復(fù)出現(xiàn)，包含以下幾層含義：dive behind 躲在……身后，dove under my bed 躲在床底下，dive down 潛水，my grades took a dive 我的成績大跳水。通過重復(fù)dive，主要表現(xiàn)了男主人公一開始懦弱膽小的性格。由此可學(xué)到，原詞重復(fù)是不斷地提醒讀者抓住中心思想的有效策略。

（2）近義詞重復(fù)

近義詞的重復(fù)能讓讀者從各個(gè)角度感受到作者的強(qiáng)調(diào)點(diǎn)。如：

Chapter 2:My heart stopped.It just stopped beating...You know,like the world is moving all around you,all beneath you,all inside you,and you’re floating.Floating in midair.And the only thing keeping you from drifting away is the other person’s eyes.They’re connected to yours by some invisible physical force,and they hold you fast while the rest of the world swirls and twirls and falls completely away.

這一段的核心句是“My heart stopped.”，作者用以下近義詞來呼應(yīng)心理活動(dòng)：stopped beating,floating in midair,drifting away,the rest of the world swirls and twirls and falls completely away?？梢?，學(xué)生需要積累近義詞詞匯，從各個(gè)角度描述主人公的感受，強(qiáng)烈回應(yīng)主題。

（3）句式重復(fù)

除以上兩種重復(fù)手段之外，句式重復(fù)也能強(qiáng)化主旨。如：

Chapter 2:①All through the second and third grades I couldn’t seem to stop myself from following him,from sitting by him,from just wanting to be near him.②Instead,I spent the year whispering spelling words,sniffing watermelon,and wondering if I was ever going to get my kiss.

相似的句式結(jié)構(gòu)可以用來描繪主人公的情緒變化或情節(jié)變化，用側(cè)面暗示、加強(qiáng)中心思想。在寫作中運(yùn)用一兩處相似的句式結(jié)構(gòu)能讓人眼前一亮，它不僅有音韻和諧之美、形式整齊之美，也可從視覺及聽覺上震撼讀者。

2.妙用邏輯

巧妙運(yùn)用邏輯詞能夠使文章具有緊湊性，通過起承轉(zhuǎn)合使故事條理通順。

（1）強(qiáng)轉(zhuǎn)折詞

強(qiáng)轉(zhuǎn)折詞包括一些副詞或短語：however,therefore,meanwhile,besides,on the other hand,on the outside,on the inside 等。如：

Chapter 1:Lucky for me,my dad was willing to run block.And he did it over and over again.He told her I was busy or sleeping or just plain gone.He was a lifesaver.My sister,on the other hand,tried to sabotage me any chance she got.Lynetta’s like that.

Chapter 6:On the outside eggs were boring,but I knew what was happening on the inside!

強(qiáng)轉(zhuǎn)折詞能夠很明晰地提示讀者接下來要發(fā)生什么事。在寫作中安插這些小詞能夠牽引讀者的情緒，進(jìn)行有效互動(dòng)。

（2）弱轉(zhuǎn)折詞

弱轉(zhuǎn)折詞是通過間接的方式，使用褒貶的情感詞突顯出一個(gè)段落前后的邏輯銜接，使得文章結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)。如：

Chapter 1:Juli’d always been sly about sniffing,which really bugged me because no one ever noticed her doing it,but she was just as sly about giving me answers,which was okay by me...But after a while,taking all those answers made me feel sort of indebted to her.How can you tell someone to bug off or quit sniffing you when you owe them? It’s,you know,wrong.

關(guān)注句與句之間、段與段之間的銜接，在作文中適當(dāng)添加弱轉(zhuǎn)折詞能夠使得文段邏輯順暢，讀起來整體性強(qiáng)。

二、語言豐富性

語言豐富性可以從學(xué)習(xí)豐富的語法結(jié)構(gòu)以及地道的表達(dá)入手。豐富的語法結(jié)構(gòu)突出表現(xiàn)為疊加多個(gè)動(dòng)詞、活用伴隨狀語、運(yùn)用多變的句式。形式的變換能夠轉(zhuǎn)變句子的聚焦點(diǎn)，使得句子具有變幻感，而大量地道的表達(dá)會(huì)使語言具有穿透力。

記敘文中有很多動(dòng)作描寫，而連續(xù)相接的動(dòng)詞能夠帶給讀者動(dòng)態(tài)的畫面感，使讀者身臨其境。

1.疊加多個(gè)動(dòng)詞

這種方法有兩種方式：①用before,after,as,when 等連詞來表明先后或者同時(shí)發(fā)生。②疊加使用V1,V2,V3and V4用于描述一氣呵成的動(dòng)作。如（加粗字體表動(dòng)作，加下劃線的詞為連詞）：

Chapter 5:“So,son,mission accomplished?” heaskedas hestabbedinto a mountain of fettuccine andwhirledhis fork around.

Chapter 7:①Icrouchedbehind a neighbor’s hedge andwatchedthem for ten or fifteen minutes,and man,the longer Iwatched,the madder I got.②I shudderedanddroppedthe curtain,ditchedthe homework,andheadedfor the TV.

2.活用伴隨狀語

其操作公式為：V主動(dòng)詞+非謂語作狀語/形容詞作狀語/with 結(jié)構(gòu)作伴隨狀語。如（加粗的字體表示前景化的動(dòng)作，加下劃線的部分表示背景化的動(dòng)作）：

Chapter 6:I stumbledhome,embarrassed and confused,my heart completely cracked open.

Chapter 7:Then my motherboltedout of the room,sobbing into her hands,and my fatherracedafter her,throwing my grandfather the wickedest look I’d ever seen.

Chapter 8:①“You didn’t get that stubborn streak from me,” she said,butcame backoutside with a glass of juice and a kiss for my cheek.②At least that’s what I tried to tell myself whenI floppedinto bed that night,dead tired.

Chapter 10:And Iwas busy talking tomy buried seedlings,coaxing them to spring up and greet the rising sun,when my father came outside.

活用伴隨狀語的方式類似于電影拍攝里的背景虛化，主動(dòng)詞得到特寫鏡頭，而伴隨狀語起到虛化背景的襯托作用。再結(jié)合疊加多個(gè)動(dòng)詞的寫作方法，能夠使得畫面既在時(shí)間上連續(xù)又在空間上立體，整套動(dòng)作鮮明生動(dòng)。

3.運(yùn)用多變的句式

句式的變化能夠?qū)⒆x者的注意力轉(zhuǎn)移到作者想要突出的部分。長短句的交替使用，倒裝句、連續(xù)問句等的運(yùn)用使得句式有著變幻之美，同時(shí)也能夠達(dá)到強(qiáng)調(diào)的目的。如：

Chapter 5:Was I really afraid of hurting her feelings? Or was I afraid of her?

Chapter 6:...but then I made the most amazing discovery —chickens lay eggs! Beautiful,shiny,creamy white eggs!

Chapter 7:I was absolved.Relieved.Happy.

Chapter 8:And I tried to do what Chet had said—I tried to look past them.What was behind them? What was he thinking? Was he really sorry? Or was he just feeling bad about the things he’d said? It was like looking into the sun,though,and I had to turn away.

Chapter 10:Down the hall was a small person hunched in a wheel-chair.

從整本書閱讀中我們學(xué)習(xí)到，每種句式都有其特定的功能：長句+短句的模式，往往強(qiáng)調(diào)的是后面的短句；感嘆句使得作者激動(dòng)的情感躍然紙上；非語法結(jié)構(gòu)的短句，使得它突出于其他常規(guī)的句子而得到更多的關(guān)注；連續(xù)問號(hào)表現(xiàn)出人物內(nèi)心的迷惑不解；倒裝句將重點(diǎn)轉(zhuǎn)移到句尾。在寫作中應(yīng)當(dāng)根據(jù)需求擇其一二使用。

4.積累地道的表達(dá)

因?yàn)橹杏⑽幕嬖诓町?，就?dǎo)致學(xué)生在寫作中很容易產(chǎn)出中式英語。為了避免蹩腳英語的頻繁出現(xiàn)，學(xué)生應(yīng)積累大量地道的表達(dá)來應(yīng)對(duì)表達(dá)不當(dāng)?shù)那闆r。很多地道的表達(dá)源于對(duì)生活的觀察，我們應(yīng)當(dāng)思考每個(gè)地道表達(dá)的背后邏輯，從概念上去理解英語。做到知其然知其所以然，并恰到好處地運(yùn)用。原著閱讀不僅為理解地道的表達(dá)提供了合適的語境，也為如何使用地道的表達(dá)提供了參照。如：

Chapter 1:①To fully appreciate the brilliance of this （充分地理解這有多妙）,you have to understand that Juli hates Shelly Stalls.She always has,though it beats me why（我不懂為什么）.

②That way,anytime Juli was around,all I’d have to do was hang a little closer to Shelly and things would just naturally take care of themselves（事情就會(huì)自然而然地解決）.

Chapter 4:It was on a day like that when my father’s notion of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts（整體大于部分之和）moved from my head to my heart（頓悟）.

Chapter 8:①They looked at each other,having some private wordless conversation（默契）I couldn’t decipher.② Then in the back of my mind,it clicked.Everything clicked （所有東西對(duì)得上號(hào)）.It was my dad’s brother they were talking about.My uncle.David.

Chapter 10:It was like the silence connected us in a way that explanations never could（此時(shí)無聲勝有聲）.

Chapter 13:Two hours ago you were the man.The man!The whole school was on their knees before you（被你折服）!Now look at you.You’re,like,a social hazard.”

Chapter 14:I didn’t really need to ask,though,and he knew he didn’t need to answer（心照不宣的默契）.I could tell from the shape of the leaves,from the texture of the trunk.This was a sycamore tree.

通過閱讀整本書學(xué)生們豐富了詞匯庫，如：get the nerve to 有 勇 氣 做 某 事，the sky’s the limit 不 設(shè) 上 限，stretch their legs 松一下筋骨，when the dust finally settled 塵埃落定之時(shí)，an eye-shot away 瞥一眼就可看到的距離，it dawned on me 我明白了，get an iron backbone 有硬骨氣，crack the case 解決這個(gè)問題，Nothing helped.然而并沒有什么用。地道表達(dá)的積累不是一朝一夕之功，它不僅是新的表達(dá)，更是新的看待世界的角度。只有重組概念，思考每個(gè)地道表達(dá)背后的邏輯，才能夠更深刻地理解它們的含義。這樣一來，學(xué)生在寫作中使用過它們之后更能牢牢記住這些表達(dá)。

三、實(shí)例分析

學(xué)生習(xí)作：

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.Planning to have a picnic,we hung out to look for a place.After a short hunt,a gorgeous sight came into our view.The sunlight cast an orange glow over the river,making the river a brilliant silk ribbon.We put up the tent and started camping there.Time passed quickly and it was almost noon.A sense of hunger pushed us to fetch the delicious food from our car.However,we opened the trunk with full expectations,only to find an empty bag.Again we’re on our way to fetch the food left in the hotel.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way.We visited busy cities and idyllic countryside,enjoying the sunlight and mother nature.Along with the sights were mother’s merry songs,a smiling face and laughter,which added a lot of joy to our trip.Nothing could be compared,we thought,with the family time as well as absent-minded,forgetful but sweet and loving mom.Eventually,we ended this trip happy and fulfilled.（2017 年11 月浙江卷讀后續(xù)寫習(xí)作郭同學(xué)）

習(xí)作賞析：

兩段續(xù)寫結(jié)構(gòu)完整、語言優(yōu)美。第一段的主旨為健忘的媽媽又一次丟了東西，第二段的主旨為這是一次難忘的旅途。所續(xù)寫的段落主旨與所給出的文段的人物性格以及中心思想密切契合。通過同義詞“absent-minded”“forgetful”的重復(fù)將媽媽的形象前后一致地聯(lián)系起來，使得整個(gè)故事結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊完整。此外，第一段中的關(guān)鍵轉(zhuǎn)折詞“However”突顯了意外的發(fā)生，第二段中的“Eventually”對(duì)所有文段進(jìn)行總結(jié)，使得段內(nèi)邏輯非常自然。

語言豐富性體現(xiàn)在句式多變以及用語地道上?！癙lanning to have a picnic,we hung out to look for a place.”“The sunlight cast an orange glow over the river,making the river a brilliant silk ribbon.”是典型的非謂語動(dòng)詞作狀語，突出了主要?jiǎng)釉~，虛化了次要?jiǎng)釉~，使得畫面層次清晰?！癆long with the sights were mother’s merry songs,a smiling face and laughter...”一句采用倒裝句，將重點(diǎn)移至句尾，突出媽媽在旅途中的快樂。“a gorgeous sight came into our view”“A sense of hunger pushed us to...”兩句都是用物作主語，從客觀的視角來描述畫面以及人物心理的變化，非常符合英式思維。用“Nothing could be compared with”的固定短語將句子重心轉(zhuǎn)移到尾部的“family time”和“absent-minded,forgetful but sweet and loving mom”，形式新穎、用語地道。

英文原著閱讀是以讀促寫的重要演練場，只有擁有了明確的演練目標(biāo)才能夠在原著閱讀中拾得珍寶。從結(jié)構(gòu)完整性以及語言豐富性上去借鑒他人的成果，便能使自己在寫作中有所進(jìn)益。結(jié)構(gòu)是表現(xiàn)中心思想的框架，它突出重點(diǎn)、內(nèi)容簡潔，而豐富的語言能夠增添表達(dá)的感染力，兩者統(tǒng)一于寫作過程中。結(jié)構(gòu)是根莖、語言是枝葉花，都為思想之實(shí)服務(wù)。而寫作水平這顆果實(shí)將在原著閱讀的土壤中汲取營養(yǎng)，在重復(fù)多次的寫作實(shí)踐中悄然成長。