林旭鵬

“三步法”是指審題、構思和潤色。這里以2020年高考浙江卷的讀后續(xù)寫為例，談談“三步法”的運用。

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。（注：根據全國卷讀后續(xù)寫的特點，刪除了原題中的劃線詞及續(xù)寫要求）

One fall，my wife Elli and I had a single goal： to photograph polar bears. We were staying at a research camp outside“the polar bear capital of the world”—the town of Churchill in Manitoba，Canada.

Taking pictures of polar bears is amazing but also dangerous. Polar bears—like all wild animals—should be photographed from a safe distance. When Im face to face with a polar bear，I like it to be through a camera with a telephoto lens. But sometimes，that is easier said than done. This was one of those times.

As Elli and I cooked dinner，a young male polar bear who was playing in a nearby lake sniffed，and smelled our garlic bread.

The hungry bear followed his nose to our camp，which was surrounded by a high wire fence. He pulled and bit the wire. He stood on his back legs and pushed at the wooden fence posts.

Terrified，Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knew. We yelled at the bear，hit pots hard，and fired blank shotgun shells into the air. Sometimes loud noises like these will scare bears off. Not this polar bear though—he just kept trying to tear down the fence with his massive paws（爪子）.

I radioed the camp manager for help. He told me a helicopter was on its way，but it would be 30 minutes before it arrived. Making the best of this close encounter（相遇），I took some pictures of the bear.

Elli and I feared the fence wouldnt last through 30 more minutes of the bears punishment. The camp manager suggested I use pepper spray. The spray burns the bearseyes，but doesn't hurt them. So I approached our uninvited guest slowly and，through the fence，sprayed him in the face. With an angry roar（吼叫），the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數應為150左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph1：A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp. ____________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Paragraph2：At that very moment，the helicopter arrived.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

一、審題

審題是最重要的步驟，務必認真對待。讀后續(xù)寫的審題不止是審題目要求了，而是審讀所給語言材料和所給段落首句等，在審讀這些內容時，要重點弄清以下五點。

1. 審人稱。審原材料的人物和續(xù)寫部分的人物需要用哪種人稱出現在續(xù)寫文章里，要特別注意原材料里“擬人化”的人物其人稱代詞的選用。

2. 審時態(tài)。審原材料的主體時態(tài)，多種時態(tài)的混合使用;審續(xù)寫部分的時態(tài)選擇。

3. 審情節(jié)。一方面，審原材料的故事情節(jié)。續(xù)寫部分要求“根據所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫”，表明續(xù)寫內容是原材料故事情節(jié)的延續(xù)，因此原材料的故事情節(jié)是續(xù)寫部分的“指南針”，指引續(xù)寫部分的方向。另一方面，審續(xù)寫部分每段的開頭語，領悟續(xù)寫部分每段的開頭語的提示作用，從而探索續(xù)寫部分組織材料的導向。

4. 審結構。審原材料篇章結構和寫作特點，找出原材料主旨句或主旨段及細節(jié)材料，明白細節(jié)材料是如何圍繞中心思想而展開的，明白這個“中心思想”不只是原材料的中心思想更是續(xù)寫部分的中心思想，是續(xù)寫部分的靈魂，是組織材料的框架，千千萬萬不同的材料可以倒進這個框架，但目的只有一個：服務中心思想。絕對不能離開中心思想的“勢力范圍”。

5. 審銜接。審原材料的尾段特別是尾段的尾句與續(xù)寫首段的開頭語的銜接關系，從這個“關系”中可以窺探續(xù)寫首段的情節(jié)構思方向：是接著尾句繼續(xù)寫下去或是與尾段并列還是接著尾段的反方向續(xù)寫，等等。審續(xù)寫首段的尾句與續(xù)寫第二段開頭語的銜接關系，要承上啟下，讓兩個段落銜接自然，發(fā)揮“紅娘”的作用，因此該特殊位置的句意務必認真對待。審續(xù)寫第二段的結束句，句意要充滿正能量，升華文章主題，發(fā)揮“畫龍點睛”的作用，不僅“使之構成一個完整的故事”，而且具有積極的教育意義。

2020年高考浙江卷的讀后續(xù)寫可以這樣審題。

①人稱：Elli是第三人稱，the bear是“擬人化”的人物，對應代詞是he，him，his。續(xù)寫段落以第一人稱為主。

②時態(tài)：原材料和續(xù)寫部分的主體時態(tài)都是一般過去時態(tài)。

③情節(jié)：“我”和妻子Elli共有一個目標：拍到北極熊的照片。有一天，夫妻倆在科研營地做飯時一只北極熊聞到面包味來到營地，北極熊要穿過營地圍欄。夫妻倆使用很多方法抵御北極熊，情況危急，同時拍到北極熊的一些照片，幸好最后脫險。拍到北極熊的照片是不容易的。

④結構：原材料篇章結構清楚易懂，第二段是主旨段，“But sometimes，that is easier said than done. This was one of those times.”是主旨句，是中心思想（拍到北極熊的照片說的比做的容易，這便是其中一次經歷）。其他段落是細節(jié)描寫服務中心思想。

⑤銜接：原材料的尾句“With an angry roar（吼叫），the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.”與續(xù)寫首段開頭語“A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp ”銜接自然，可以接著尾句情節(jié)續(xù)寫;續(xù)寫首段的尾句必須與續(xù)寫第二段開頭語“At that very moment，the helicopter arrived.”有合理邏輯聯系，該句意思要認真構思;續(xù)寫第二段的結束句句意要有滿滿正能量，要謹慎構思。

二、構思

構思是指組織材料。經過認真的審題之后就可以為續(xù)寫搜集材料，可以使用各種各樣的材料構思情節(jié)，但材料要符合“與所給短文融洽度高，與所提供各段落開頭語銜接合理”的要求，并且要圍繞全文中心思想而展開。如2020年高考浙江卷的讀后續(xù)寫可以這樣構思。

構思續(xù)寫第一段：

由材料尾句“With an angry roar（吼叫），the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.”和所給首段首句”A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp.”構思：We saw this. We thought another danger was on the way.

由原文第五段“夫妻倆使用很多方法抵御北極熊，同時拍到北極熊的一些照片，情況危急”構思：We wanted to turned the bear around. Elli threw our bread as far as possible. The bear smelled the bread and ran back for it. I took this good opportunity to photograph the bear. The flashing camera attracted his attention. The bear dashed back again and roared angrily. The bear gathered all his power to pull down the fence. The bear got in. I attempted to use pepper spray to force him off but failed.

由第二段所給首句“At that very moment，the helicopter arrived.”構思尾句：He was a great danger to us.

構思續(xù)寫第二段：

由“At that very moment，the helicopter arrived”推測：直升機來到后，夫妻倆如何與北極熊周旋?？梢赃@樣構思：The helicopter produced noises. The helicopter was a giant. It was more powerful than him. We hid ourselves behind the helicopter. The bear was terrified not to come forward. We were safe. The bear would not like to leave. The bear wanted to attack us. The bear made some aggressive actions. Sometimes he glared at us. Sometimes he roared to us. Sometimes he watched the helicopter in a funny way.

由原文情節(jié)“夫妻倆共有一個目標：拍到北極熊的照片”，構思：We took the pictures of all his“posts”.

由全文主旨“幸好最后脫險”，構思：Then we left in the helicopter.

由“續(xù)寫第二段的結束句要有積極的教育意義”，構思：Polar bears needed protecting.

綜上所述，兩個自然段的“構思”如下：

A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp. We saw this. We thought another danger was on the way. We wanted to turned the bear around. Elli threw our bread as far as possible. The bear smelled the bread and ran back for it. I took this good opportunity to photograph the bear. The flashing camera attracted his attention. The bear dashed back again and roared angrily. The bear gathered all his power to pull down the fence. The bear got in. I attempted to use pepper spray to force him off but failed. He was a great danger to us.

At that very moment，the helicopter arrived. The helicopter produced noises. The helicopter terrified the bear not to come forward. We were safe. We hid ourselves behind the helicopter. The bear would not like to leave. The bear wanted to attack us. The bear made some aggressive actions. Sometimes he glared at us. Sometimes he roared to us. Sometimes he watched the helicopter in a funny way. We took the pictures of all his“posts”. Then we left in the helicopter. Polar bears needed protecting.

三、潤色

根據評分標準“所使用語法結構和詞匯豐富、準確”“有效地使用了語句間的連接成分，使所續(xù)寫短文結構緊湊”去潤色，把“構思”的句子進行修改，使得行文流暢，邏輯合理，語意連貫，語法正確，英語味濃。

為使語言形象生動，避免所有句子都以主語開頭，可以把表語或狀語前置使用倒裝結構;避免句式單一，要靈活應用分詞短語、with的復活結構、強調句、并列句、主從復合句、省略句;避免使用表意籠統(tǒng)化的詞匯，應該使用表意具體的高級詞匯;還要注意長短句相間;為增強文章的可讀性，根據上下文的邏輯關系，可恰當添加過渡性的詞語或連接詞，如not only ... but also，either ... or ...，however，as a result，whats more，in addition 等。

上面的構思可以這樣潤色：

A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp. Seeing this，we thought another danger was on the way. To turned the bear around，Elli threw our bread as far as possible and ?smelling the bread，the bear ran back for it. So I took this good opportunity to photograph him. With the camera flashing，the bear dashed back again，roaring angrily. Besides，the bear gathered all his power to pull down the fence and got in. I attempted to use pepper spray to force him off but failed. Obviously，he was a great danger.

At that very moment，the helicopter arrived. The helicopter producing noises scared the bear a distance away. We were safe. However，the bear would not like to leave but to attack us.Therefore，he made some aggressive actions. Sometimes he glared at us. Sometimes he roared to us. Sometimes he watched the helicopter in a funny way. We hurried to take the pictures of all his “posts”. Then we left in the helicopter，realizing polar bears needed protecting.

上面續(xù)寫的兩個段落與每段的開頭語能很好銜接，段落之間也能夠銜接;細節(jié)描寫生動，邏輯性強，續(xù)寫情節(jié)能夠根據原材料情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，構成一個完整的故事。語法運用正確，英語味濃，多次使用現在分詞作狀語，with的復合結構，不定式作目的狀語前置，長短句相間;文章的可讀性強，多次使用過渡性的詞語或連接詞。

責任編輯 蔣小青