賈利云

If you’re considering adoption for yourself， or want to debunk1 some common myths for family and friends， we explain what’s fact and what’s fiction2.

Myth： Birth mothers are typically3 young， immature teenagers.

Fact： More than half of the births in the United States are to single or married women under the age of 45. Although teenagers make adoption plans， a large percentage of birth mothers are women in their 20’s， 30’s， or 40’s and many are moms raising other children. Placing a child for adoption takes a great deal of love， courage， and maturity. Birth mothers choose adoption because they want to give their child a chance at life. Birth mothers are encouraged to take an active role in making an adoption plan.

Myth： Adoption is a selfish， easy solution—for an unexpected pregnancy—made by expectant parents4 who don’t care about their child.

Fact： Birth parents choosing adoption are making a loving， courageous parenting decision. This option allows them to give a child life and fulfil their parenting responsibilities. In order to do this， they must put their own needs aside in order to focus on what is best for the child. Adoption is by no means taking the easy way out. It is a difficult decision， and birth parents deserve to have people around them who support their choices; Support can come from family and friends， or from adoption counselors and other professionals.

Myth： No one can love a child as much as a birth mother or birth father does.

Fact： Adoptive parents can love their child as fully and selflessly as biological parents5 can. Studies show that adopted children report feeling very loved by adoptive parents and never doubt that love. The absence of biological connection does not determine the adoptive parents’ love for their children. Because adoptive parents are strongly encouraged to be honest with their children about their adoption， most children grow up with the knowledge that they were loved very much by both their birth parents and adoptive parents.

Myth： The birth mother will regret her decision for the rest of her life and have serious emotional problems.

Fact： Birth mothers who understand that the adoption decision gives their child a stable future of opportunity and love， and who receive counseling before and after making an adoption plan， can live the rest of their lives knowing they’ve given their child a very special gift.

Myth： Adoption is a more traumatic experience for a woman than abortion.

Fact： With an abortion， the pain of deep regret may continue for a lifetime. Adoption， when understood correctly， is initially painful but it can be followed by a lifetime of satisfaction for having given her child a chance at life.

Myth： The adoption process is secretive6 and a birth parent will never know anything about their child and their adoptive parents in the following years.

Fact： Adoption has changed over the years. Now birth families can select the child’s adoptive family， meet the adoptive family， receive on-going information about the child， receive pictures on a regular basis and， in some cases， have visits with the child and adoptive family.

Myth： A birth family will eventually forget about the child for whom they made an adoption plan.

Fact： A birth family making an adoption plan will never forget. They will not want to forget. What they can do is continue on with their life without being emotionally crippled7 by their loss. When they do remember， they can remember that they made the most loving， mature and selfless decision possible.

Myth： Adoption damages the child.

Fact： Studies show that adopted and non-adopted children are not different in adjustment， delinquency8 or mental health. Adopted teenagers are as emotionally stable as non-adopted teenagers. Adopted individuals do not have more family problems than non-adopted people. The child can grow up knowing that his/her family was created by adoption and understanding that his/her birth mother selflessly planned a wonderful future for her child. The child can be grateful for the birth parents’ choice of adoption.

Myth： Open adoption9 is confusing to children and a form of co-parenting10.

Fact： Children in open adoptions are not confused by contact with their birth parents. Even at an early age， children can understand the different roles of their adoptive families and birth families： birth parents gave them life and adoptive parents care for and nurture them. In open adoption， the line between family members is clearly defined. The adoptive parents and birth parents do not have shared custody11. Adoptive parents are responsible for all of decisions relating to their child’s welfare. Birth parents may be involved in the children’s lives， but they do not have legal rights or responsibilities for the child.

Myth： Adoptive parents often break their openness agreements12 with their child’s birth parents.

Fact： It’s true that not every adoption agreement goes as smoothly as planned. However， adoptive parents who have been properly counseled understand the benefits of maintaining an ongoing relationship with their child’s birth parents， and are more likely to adhere to the arrangement.

Myth： Placing a child with a family of another race or ethnicity is bound to cause problems for the child.

Fact： More than fifty years of research on transracial and transcultural adoptions， as well as research on Black children adopted by Caucasian13 parents， disproves this myth. Trans-racially and trans-culturally adopted children usually adjust well， with strong racial identity， self-esteem， and attachment to their family.

如果你正在考慮收養(yǎng)小孩，或想向家人和朋友澄清關(guān)于收養(yǎng)的一些常見(jiàn)謬見(jiàn)，本文為你辨明真相、消除誤解。

謬見(jiàn)：生母通常是不成熟的青少年。

事實(shí)：美國(guó)一半以上的新生兒母親是45歲以下的單身或已婚女性。雖然計(jì)劃送養(yǎng)小孩的生母中有青少年，但大部分是二三十歲或三四十歲的女性，其中許多人育有多個(gè)子女。決定送養(yǎng)小孩需要滿(mǎn)滿(mǎn)的愛(ài)、巨大的勇氣且足夠成熟。生母做此決定是因?yàn)樗齻兿虢o孩子提供更好的人生機(jī)會(huì)。生母被鼓勵(lì)積極參與送養(yǎng)計(jì)劃。

謬見(jiàn)：送養(yǎng)是不在乎孩子的準(zhǔn)父母因意外懷孕作出的自私而輕率的決定。

事實(shí)：送養(yǎng)小孩是親生父母作出的一個(gè)出于愛(ài)、有勇氣的決定。這一選擇給了孩子新生，也讓他們完成了養(yǎng)育孩子的責(zé)任。要做到這一點(diǎn)，他們必須將自己的需求放到一邊，而專(zhuān)注于什么對(duì)孩子是最好的。送養(yǎng)并非為了逃避困難，而是艱難作出的選擇，親生父母需要身邊有人支持他們的決定，可尋求來(lái)自親友或領(lǐng)養(yǎng)顧問(wèn)等專(zhuān)業(yè)人士的支持。

謬見(jiàn)：沒(méi)人能像親生母親或親生父親那么愛(ài)孩子。

事實(shí)：養(yǎng)父母也能像親生父母那樣全心全意、無(wú)私無(wú)求地愛(ài)孩子。研究顯示，領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的孩子感受到養(yǎng)父母對(duì)他們的深深關(guān)愛(ài)，他們也從不懷疑那份愛(ài)。沒(méi)有血緣關(guān)系不會(huì)影響?zhàn)B父母對(duì)孩子的愛(ài)。因?yàn)閺?qiáng)烈鼓勵(lì)養(yǎng)父母就領(lǐng)養(yǎng)之事對(duì)孩子坦承相告，所以大多數(shù)孩子在成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程中就知道，親生父母和養(yǎng)父母都很愛(ài)他們。

謬見(jiàn)：生母余生都會(huì)后悔將孩子送養(yǎng)，并產(chǎn)生嚴(yán)重的情感問(wèn)題。

事實(shí)：生母如果理解送養(yǎng)是給孩子提供一個(gè)充滿(mǎn)機(jī)會(huì)和愛(ài)的穩(wěn)定的未來(lái)，并在制訂送養(yǎng)計(jì)劃前后都接受咨詢(xún)，知道她們給了孩子一份非常特殊的禮物，有生之年也能有所慰藉。

謬見(jiàn)：對(duì)女性來(lái)說(shuō)，送養(yǎng)帶來(lái)的創(chuàng)傷比墮胎更大。

事實(shí)：因墮胎而深感悔恨，這種痛苦會(huì)持續(xù)一生，而若對(duì)送養(yǎng)有正確的認(rèn)識(shí)，開(kāi)始可能會(huì)感到痛苦，但以后會(huì)因?yàn)榻o孩子提供了新的人生機(jī)會(huì)而感到滿(mǎn)足。

謬見(jiàn)：收養(yǎng)程序是保密的，且在以后的日子里，親生父母永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)知道他們孩子和養(yǎng)父母的任何消息。

事實(shí)：多年來(lái)，收養(yǎng)制度發(fā)生了很大變化。現(xiàn)在，親生父母可以選擇讓什么樣的家庭收養(yǎng)他們的孩子、和收養(yǎng)家庭見(jiàn)面、持續(xù)了解孩子的情況、定期收到孩子的照片，有些情況下還可以看望孩子、拜訪(fǎng)收養(yǎng)家庭。

謬見(jiàn)：親生父母最終會(huì)忘記他們送養(yǎng)的孩子。

事實(shí)：作出送養(yǎng)小孩決定的親生父母永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記，他們也不想忘記。他們能做的就是繼續(xù)他們的生活，不因孩子的離開(kāi)而產(chǎn)生嚴(yán)重的情感問(wèn)題。當(dāng)他們回想起來(lái)時(shí)，記得的是他們滿(mǎn)懷愛(ài)意做了最成熟、最無(wú)私的決定。

謬見(jiàn)：領(lǐng)養(yǎng)會(huì)給孩子造成傷害。

事實(shí)：研究表明，領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的孩子和非領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的孩子在調(diào)整適應(yīng)、違法犯罪和心理健康上沒(méi)有差別。領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的青少年和非領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的青少年在情感上一樣穩(wěn)定。與非領(lǐng)養(yǎng)人群相比，領(lǐng)養(yǎng)人群并沒(méi)有更多家庭問(wèn)題。孩子成長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程中，知道他/她是被收養(yǎng)的，理解他/她的親生母親無(wú)私地為自己規(guī)劃了一個(gè)美好的未來(lái)，會(huì)感激親生父母當(dāng)初送養(yǎng)的決定。

謬見(jiàn)：開(kāi)放式收養(yǎng)是一種共同養(yǎng)育的方式，會(huì)讓孩子感到困惑。

事實(shí)：開(kāi)放式收養(yǎng)的孩子不會(huì)因和親生父母保持聯(lián)絡(luò)而感到困惑。即使在很小的時(shí)候，孩子也能理解他們的養(yǎng)父母和親生父母承擔(dān)著不同的角色：親生父母給予他們生命，養(yǎng)父母關(guān)愛(ài)、養(yǎng)育他們。在開(kāi)放式收養(yǎng)中，家庭成員的分界是很明確的。養(yǎng)父母和親生父母并非共同享有對(duì)孩子的監(jiān)護(hù)權(quán)。養(yǎng)父母全權(quán)決定撫養(yǎng)孩子的相關(guān)事務(wù)，親生父母雖然參與孩子的生活，但在法律上沒(méi)有權(quán)利，也無(wú)須承擔(dān)責(zé)任。

謬見(jiàn)：養(yǎng)父母常常不遵守和親生父母簽署的開(kāi)放式收養(yǎng)協(xié)議。

事實(shí)：雖然不是所有的收養(yǎng)協(xié)議都會(huì)得到順利執(zhí)行，但在收養(yǎng)問(wèn)題上受過(guò)專(zhuān)業(yè)指導(dǎo)的養(yǎng)父母會(huì)明白，和孩子的親生父母持續(xù)保持聯(lián)系是有好處的，他們更可能遵守協(xié)議。

謬見(jiàn)：把小孩送給另一種族或民族的家庭收養(yǎng)必然會(huì)對(duì)孩子產(chǎn)生不良影響。

事實(shí)：50多年的跨種族和跨文化收養(yǎng)研究以及對(duì)被白人父母收養(yǎng)的黑人小孩的研究打破了這個(gè)謬見(jiàn)?？绶N族和跨文化領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的孩子通常能很好地調(diào)整自己，有很強(qiáng)的種族認(rèn)同意識(shí)、自尊心和家庭觀(guān)念。

（譯者為“《英語(yǔ)世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎(jiǎng)選手）