By Ling Wei

Wh at is the difference between a happy couple and an unhappy one? Many gender and relationship psychologists have studied this very question for a long period of time and offered varied answers.Here is the one I prefer the most.

When you are judging another person’s behaviors, you may ponder, “Why did they do that? Is it because that’s his nature, or are they environmentally affected?”

The former is called an internal factor and the latter an external factor.

A happy couple attributes the good behaviors of their spouse to their loved one and the bad ones to the environment.For example, if a man escorts his wife to see a movie, the wife will consider her husband a romantic man who knows how to add spice to life; if he is half an hour late for a date, the wife will feel at ease because she knows it’s because of the rain.

An unhappy couple is just to the opposite.They attribute their spouse’s good behaviors to the environment and the bad ones to his/her personality.For example, if a man takes his wife to see a movie, the wife will think that it is because he himself wants to watch the film, or because he is a fan of the film star; if he is half an hour late for a date, the wife will blame him for not having her in his heart, not loving her enough, or still missing his ex-girlfriend.

In dealing with the routine trivia of life, the former couple love each other more and more, while the latter become increasingly detestable to each other.

(FromLive Life to the Fullest, Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Chen Jiani)

為何越來(lái)越愛(ài)

文/另維

幸福的夫妻與不幸福的夫妻在生活方式上究竟有什么不同？?jī)尚孕睦韺W(xué)研究了很久，結(jié)果五花八門(mén)，在這里說(shuō)一個(gè)我最喜歡的。

我們?cè)谡J(rèn)知他人行為的時(shí)候，大腦會(huì)自動(dòng)問(wèn)：“他為什么這么做？是因?yàn)樗旧砭褪沁@樣一個(gè)人，還是環(huán)境所致？”

前者叫內(nèi)部歸因，后者叫外部歸因。

生活幸福的夫妻會(huì)把配偶好的行為歸因給人本身，把壞的行為歸因給環(huán)境。比如他今天帶我看電影了，因?yàn)樗且粋€(gè)注重生活情趣的男人；他遲到了半小時(shí)，是因?yàn)橄掠炅恕?/p>

關(guān)系糟糕的夫妻剛好相反，他們把配偶好的行為歸因給環(huán)境，把壞的行為歸因給人。比如他今天帶我看電影了，是因?yàn)樗恢毕肟茨遣侩娪?，或者是因?yàn)樗侵餮莸姆劢z；他遲到了半小時(shí)，是因?yàn)樗睦餂](méi)有我，不夠愛(ài)我，或者還想著前女友。

在這些對(duì)瑣事的歸因中，前一對(duì)夫妻越來(lái)越相愛(ài)，后一對(duì)夫妻越來(lái)越嫌棄彼此。

（摘自《每一天夢(mèng)想練習(xí)》湖南文藝出版社）