By Hu Changbai

When a man reaches a certain age, being funny is the highest compliment he can receive.

Lin Yutang was reckoned as one of the truly amusing men of his time. “Life is just a life. Do and cherish what you have at the moment.” This famous line was originated from the old gentleman Lin, who received his master's degree at Harvard University and a doctorate at Leipzig University.

Scholars like Lin are more likely to dwell on all living beings and the world, focusing on routines and uncertainty,as well as common people and their subtleties. For instance, Lin observed how ordinary people spoke in their daily life, and wrote a book entitled The Art of Speaking. Based on his Chinese and foreign experiences, Lin highlighted some important tips for speaking.

Manners of Speaking

The first principle is to be sincere in speaking. Confucius stressed that speaking must be supremely honest to thrill the listeners. Aristotle's rhetoric of persuasion involved three elements: credibility, logic, and emotion—and credibility ranks first. The second is to be refined and polite. A drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of venom can kill. The third is that we should respect and treat others with equality. It's no good to have a long face, or to grin cheekily in speaking. The former is not lovely while the latter is not respectable.

Strategies of Speaking

The key point in speaking involves the word “Yes” being given priority. That is, to say“Yes” more, and to praise and approve of others more. It is more reasonable to embrace the common ground first and then to express differences,contradictions, conflicts, and debates. In brief, it is more important to seek common grounds before discussing differences. In order to verify it, Lin offered the following five suggestions:

First, everyone has dignity, so we should learn to keep other's dignity and face. Second, most quarrelsome guys are fools. Third,criticism and rebuke can only invite resistance. Fourth, your seemingly cleverness will arouse others' stubbornness—triggering indifference, frustration, and even self-abandonment. Lastly, “yes”is favored not to please and flatter someone, but to live by reality and truth.

With the booming of communication sciences, reality and truth in today's world co-exist—explored, discovered, and shared by both the speaker and the listener. Reality and truth will be silted between the speaker's own mouth and the listener's own ears.

Why do people prefer listening to “Yes” or a word of praise?Among all the possible answers,one answer is desirability—that is,man after all, are humble animals,longing for certainty, security,and approval, resorting to others'warmth and sincerity. Modern citizens have a particular yearning feeling to be desired. The reasons are as follows:

The recognition of human identity no longer arises from the self-pride of the marriage of divinity and humanity, but from the confirmation, recognition,and identity on the part of others.For example, if you work day and night and you are exhausted,both physically and mentally, and then if a superior pats you on the shoulder and says, “Man, you've done a great job,” you can go ahead cheerfully and sweat over your work for another few days.

Minding the Response from Listeners

The listener is entitled to speak and it is better to let them speak first. Listening to others is the highest compliment. There is no more beautiful manner than listening to others in the world.It involves your respect and deep concern for them in a more accurate and in-depth manner.As soon as they open their mouth,their intentional secret will reveal itself.

Praising is also regarded as a useful means to getting a positive response, and presumably is the most effective form of communication in the world.Of course, a gentleman should also compliment the beauty of others in a sincere and flexible way, and let others savor the words of praise—even a long time later, their faces will still be beaming from genuine praise, as if in a spring breeze or in autumn stillness.

Skills Necessary for Speaking

Lin Yutang detailed several tools and acute methods of speaking,among which three main points dominate:

Humor! Lin once said, “A positive attitude comes from humor and laughter, while irony and jokes are hidden behind the solemn forms.” As mentioned above, being funny is a trait that never goes out of fashion.

Quips! There must always be one or more outstanding phrases in one's speech. There should be punch lines in long conversations or public speeches, a quip or two that could be remembered,repeated, and whispered in a noisy square occupied by millions of people.

Repetition! It's best to assume that the listener is always absentminded, and never behave as the speaker imagines. Napoleon once said that repetition is the only important principle in rhetoric.Don't detest repetition for being monotonous; monotony is a powerful tool.

Furthermore, hints or cues are equally vital in producing a speech. Men court women mainly by repeated confession while women woo men by bodily hints.Do you remember Jia Rui in the book A Dream of Red Mansions?Wang Xifeng seduced him in a mirror, which ultimately took away his spirit and life.

Requirements for Voice and Manners

Voice is essential in delivering a speech. The pitch and tone the speaker utters can dwarf the listeners. Manners are important,too. When a speaker speaks,their postures, gestures, and expressions—such as sitting,standing, brow-raising, and eyeblinking—should be visualized in person, and formal speeches require more practice and rehearsal beforehand.

(From China Youth, Issue 16,2018. Translation: Qing Run)

林語(yǔ)堂談?wù)f話的藝術(shù)

文/胡長(zhǎng)白

人到一定年紀(jì)，有趣乃最高的評(píng)價(jià)。

林語(yǔ)堂算得上有趣的風(fēng)流之一?！叭松贿^(guò)如此，且行且珍惜”，這句著名的雞湯語(yǔ)便出自老林，他是哈佛大學(xué)的碩士、萊比錫大學(xué)的博士。

林語(yǔ)堂這樣的文人，更易平視眾生和世事，將目光投向日常與無(wú)常、人及其細(xì)微的命運(yùn)。舉例說(shuō)，老林觀察了常人說(shuō)話的方式，便寫了一部《說(shuō)話的藝術(shù)》。林語(yǔ)堂基于中外經(jīng)驗(yàn)的比照，道出了說(shuō)話的講究：

說(shuō)話的態(tài)度

一要誠(chéng)言，孔子講修辭立其誠(chéng)，至誠(chéng)足以動(dòng)人；亞里士多德講說(shuō)服之修辭有三要素——信譽(yù)、邏輯和情感，可信排在第一位。二要溫雅，一滴蜜所能捉得的蒼蠅，比一加侖毒汁殺死的蒼蠅還要多。三要尊重，平等心以待，拉長(zhǎng)面孔不好，嬉皮笑臉也不行，前者不可愛，后者不可敬。

說(shuō)話的策略

根本要?jiǎng)t在于“是”字優(yōu)先，即多說(shuō)“是”，多贊美、贊同對(duì)方，先立下認(rèn)同的根基，再明示差異、矛盾、沖突和辯難。質(zhì)言之便是先求同，再論異。林語(yǔ)堂為申明這一主張，提出了五個(gè)證據(jù)：

誰(shuí)都為尊嚴(yán)而戰(zhàn)，別開口就摧毀對(duì)方的尊嚴(yán)和面子；劈頭蓋臉的爭(zhēng)論者多是傻子；批評(píng)和訓(xùn)斥往往招致反抗；你的高明只會(huì)徒增對(duì)方的倔強(qiáng)，或招致漠然、沮喪乃至自暴自棄；“是”字優(yōu)先并非取悅阿諛，而是不愿?jìng)罢嫦嗪驼胬怼?/p>

以今日傳播學(xué)的積累，真相和真理既是實(shí)存的，亦是言者和聽者一道探尋、發(fā)現(xiàn)和共享之物。對(duì)方一旦旁觀或離場(chǎng)，真相和真理便淤在言者自家的唇齒之間了。

人何以這般愛聽“是”或贊同的話？在所有可能的答案中，我偏愛這樣的說(shuō)法：人，說(shuō)到底是一種卑微的存在，渴望確定性、安全感和贊同，渴望他人溫暖懇切的目光?，F(xiàn)代人在此一方面尤甚，理由在茲：

遠(yuǎn)離神性之后，人的認(rèn)同不再來(lái)自神性與人性合一的自足，而是他人的確認(rèn)、承認(rèn)和體認(rèn)。譬如，你沒(méi)日沒(méi)夜地做工作業(yè)，分明身心委頓至竭，此時(shí)若有尊長(zhǎng)領(lǐng)袖拍一下你的肩膀，道一聲“伙計(jì)，你真不錯(cuò)”，你又可歡喜向前，再熬他三五日。

顧及聽者的反饋

讓聽者有說(shuō)話的機(jī)會(huì)，最好讓對(duì)方先開口。傾聽是我們對(duì)他人至高的恭維，世上再無(wú)比傾聽更美的姿勢(shì)。對(duì)方先開口的好處，除了將你的尊重傳遞給他，還在于更準(zhǔn)確、深入地洞察他的關(guān)切。他一開口，

掩蔽的靶子便顯露出來(lái)了。

贊美在獲得積極反饋方面同樣有用?；蛟S贊美是世界上投入產(chǎn)出比最劃算的交際方案了。當(dāng)然，君子見人之美，亦應(yīng)贊之有道，要真切、靈動(dòng)，讓人很久之后想起你的贊美，臉上仍有春風(fēng)秋水。

演講必備的技巧

林語(yǔ)堂瑣細(xì)列舉了演講的工具和乖巧的方法，要者有三：

幽默。老林說(shuō)：“幽默在歡笑的背后隱藏著對(duì)事物的嚴(yán)肅態(tài)度，而諷刺卻在嚴(yán)肅的形式背后隱藏著玩笑”。如前所言，有趣才是真風(fēng)流。

金句。總要有一句或數(shù)句漂亮話。長(zhǎng)篇的談話或演講更須妙用金句，要有那么一兩句話像在百萬(wàn)人的廣場(chǎng)上，人皆聞之如切近的耳語(yǔ)。

重復(fù)。聽者總是無(wú)情，永遠(yuǎn)不如言者想象那般傾心專注。拿破侖說(shuō)，重復(fù)乃修辭學(xué)上唯一重要的原則。你別嫌它單調(diào)，單調(diào)才有力。

除了重復(fù)，暗示也很重要。男追女主要靠重復(fù)，女追男則須暗示。你還記得《紅樓夢(mèng)》中的賈瑞嗎？鳳姐一面暗示的鏡子，索了他的精魄和性命。

聲容的要求

聲音對(duì)于說(shuō)話是重要的。高亢者凄厲，調(diào)門一高，人就矮下去了。舉止也是重要的，說(shuō)話時(shí)的起座安立、舉手投足、揚(yáng)眉瞬目皆應(yīng)自觀，正式演講更須練習(xí)。

（摘自《中國(guó)青年》2018年第16期）