Translated by Sam Bowden

Oh, Woman

Translated by Sam Bowden

Biggest Mistake

A: “What’s your biggest regret this year?”

B: “I was waiting outside my girlfriend’s house one day in the dead of winter and when she came down, I couldn’t control my big mouth and said, ‘your clothes don’t match.’Then, she ran back upstairs and spent another half hour changing.”

Back to Old Days

Recently I bought a second-hand Benz and installed online taxi software to make some money.

One day I had to pick up a girl, who, unexpectedly, just happened to be my ex-girlfriend. The whole trip, I sat there absolutely dumbfounded while she sat there looking torn, as if she was in the dilemma.

When we got to her destination, she said, softly, “Can we still go back?”

Bewildered, I said: “Go back? That’ll be another 20 bucks.”

Same Trick

I asked my brother how he chased his beautiful wife. He told me that one day while out, he saw her and fell in love with her at first sight. The he threw a hundred yuan bill on the ground behind her while telling her that her money fell on the ground. His, now, wife said that it wasn’t her money and then my brother suggested they take the money for dinner and a movie. Later, they were married.

After hearing this, I went out immediately, caught sight of a real beauty, threw a hundred bill behind her, while telling her that she had dropped her money. She said “thanks,” bent over, picked it up and left.

Bad Review

My wife bought some clothes online that shewas very pleased with, but she gleefully gave it a bad review.

I asked my wife: “Didn’t you like the clothes? Why’d you give it a bad review?”

She calmly replied, “That’s right, I have to give it a negative review to stop other people from buying it, then no one will wear the same clothes as me.”

Beauty Camera

My girlfriend posted a picture of her lunch online, so I asked her in a caring manner, “You had steamed buns for lunch?”

Girlfriend: “Yeah right. I had dumplings.”

Me: “Dumplings? But there were no creases, at all.”

Girlfriend: “I used a beauty camera app. It took out all the wrinkles (and creases).”