繪◎盒子菌

I was 18 the first time a therapist①therapist英 ['θer?p?st] 美 ['θ?r?p?st]n. 臨床醫(yī)學(xué)家；治療學(xué)家tried to get me to embrace the idea of daily affirmations. I was dealing with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder.

Daily affirmations②affirmation 英 [?f?'me??(?)n]美 [,?f?'me??n] n. 主張，肯定；斷言, the therapist told me, were little sayings I could use to combat the default negativity that was always running through my mind. "It sounds dumb," she said."But it works." She gave me a little box of cards, each with a happy image and a saying such as "I am a good person" or "I deserve③deserve 英 [d?'z??v] 美 [d?'z?v] vi. 應(yīng)受，應(yīng)得recovery" or "I am lovable and capable of sharing love with others."

I rifled through them on my bed, rolling my eyes at each card I felt like an idiot. This, I decided, was not for me.

New York Times article from last May, and something she said really stuck with me: "What fires together wires together. If you keep on having these negative thoughts or being angry all the time, then that area of your brain is going to get stronger."I realized that I’d never opened up a pathway in my brain for positive thoughts to fl ow through.

So I dug out the stupid cards and read one aloud.

"I am a good person."

I stood in front of the mirror and watched my mouth make those words and listened to my voice push them out into the air. I said it gn.

我在18歲那年，平生第一次有心理醫(yī)生努力說(shuō)服我接受“每天自我肯定”的想法。那時(shí)候，我正陷于抑郁、焦慮中，還要對(duì)付厭食癥。

那位心理醫(yī)生告訴我所謂“每天自我肯定”，就是讓我通過(guò)一些只言片語(yǔ)，來(lái)對(duì)付那些時(shí)刻縈繞在腦海中的、仿佛被設(shè)定好的負(fù)面想法。她說(shuō)：“這聽(tīng)著有點(diǎn)傻，但是很管用?！彼o了我一小盒卡片，每張上面都印著一幅歡快的圖畫，并配著一句類似“我很棒”“我會(huì)康復(fù)”或“我值得人愛(ài)，也能將愛(ài)分享給大家”這樣的話。

我把卡片攤在床上翻了一遍，不屑地掃視著每張卡片。總之，我覺(jué)得自己就像個(gè)傻瓜。我認(rèn)定，這個(gè)法子不適合我。

上個(gè)月，我偶然看到《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》去年五月刊登的一篇文章，一些話真的讓我銘記于心：“要爆發(fā)的都牽系在一起。要是你總有這些負(fù)面想法，一直憤懣不已，那大腦負(fù)責(zé)這塊兒的區(qū)域就會(huì)變得更強(qiáng)大?！蔽疫@才意識(shí)到，我從未在大腦里給積極的想法一個(gè)暢行的通道。

"I am a good person."

I felt so stupid and corny and ridiculous, but I said it again.

"I am a good person."

And then I started bawling④bawl英 [b??l] 美 [b?l] vi. 大叫；放聲痛哭. I'd been able to see how routine the negativity had become, how cruel I’d been to myself on a regular basis.

These days I use daily affirmations as needed.

There are days when I hop off the daily-affirmation train and forget to show myself. But I always seem to come back to them, because sometimes you need to love yourself before you can notice it coming from anywhere else, and if you can take two seconds to stare yourself in the mirror down and pay you a compliment,you’ll eventually stop feeling like a total poseurand start believing the things that are coming out of your mouth.You are beautiful. You do deserve to be loved. You are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggone it,people like you.

于是我翻出了那些愚蠢的卡片，大聲地讀出其中的一句話。

“我很棒！”

我站在鏡子前，看著這些字眼從自己的嘴里冒出，聽(tīng)著自己的聲音將它們推入空氣中。我又說(shuō)了一遍。

“我很棒！”

我覺(jué)得自己傻乎乎的，土里土氣的，顯得很可笑，但我又重復(fù)了一遍。

“我很棒！”

然后我開(kāi)始放聲大喊。我終于能發(fā)現(xiàn)，對(duì)于這些負(fù)面想法，我竟已變得如此習(xí)以為常，每時(shí)每刻我對(duì)自己是多么殘忍。

這些日子以來(lái)，一旦有需要，我都會(huì)進(jìn)行“每天自我肯定”。

有些日子，我會(huì)跳下“每天自我肯定”的列車。但我似乎總能再次回歸，因?yàn)橛袝r(shí)你首先要愛(ài)自己，才能注意到愛(ài)也能來(lái)自其他任何地方。你要是能花上兩秒鐘注視著鏡中的自己，夸上自己幾句，你終將不再覺(jué)得自己是在矯情，而開(kāi)始相信自己說(shuō)出的話。你很美。你真的值得人愛(ài)。你夠優(yōu)秀，你夠聰明。去他的，人人喜歡你！