聶卉
安妮.迪拉德(Annie Dillard),美國當(dāng)代女作家,1945年生于賓夕法尼亞州的匹茲堡,1968年畢業(yè)于霍林斯學(xué)院英文系。迪拉德的創(chuàng)作文類多樣,作品包括詩集《轉(zhuǎn)經(jīng)輪的票》(Tickets for a Prayer Wheel, 1974)、《如此這般的早晨》(Mornings like This, 1995),兩部小說《活著》(The Living, 1992)、《梅特里一家》(The Maytrees, 2007),散文《聽客溪的朝圣》(Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974)、《神圣的堅實》(Holy the Firm, 1977)、《與中國作家相會》(Encounters with Chinese Writers, 1984)、《寫作生涯》(The Writing Life, 1989)、《現(xiàn)世》(For the Time Being, 1999)以及回憶錄《美國童年》(An American Childhood, 1987)等。其中《聽客溪的朝圣》是迪拉德最重要的作品,榮獲1975年的普利策獎。迪拉德深受梭羅、愛默生等影響,其作品關(guān)注人的心靈和自然世界,語言詩意優(yōu)美。目前迪拉德居住在紐約,專心于閱讀和寫作。
Thomas Merton2) wrote, “There is always a temptation to diddle3) around in the contemplative4) life, making itsy-bitsy5) statues.” There is always an enormous temptation in all of life to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for itsy-bitsy years on end. It is so self-conscious, so apparently moral, simply to step aside from the gaps where the creeks and winds pour down, saying, I never merited6) this grace, quite rightly, and then to sulk7) along the rest of your days on the edge of rage. I wont have it. The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous and bitter, more extravagant and bright. We are making hay when we should be making whoopee8); we are raising tomatoes when we should be raising Cain9), or Lazarus10).
Ezekiel11) excoriates12) false prophets as those who have “not gone up into the gaps.” The gaps are the thing. The gaps are the spirits one home, the altitudes and latitudes so dazzlingly spare and clean that the spirit can discover itself for the first time like a once- blind man unbound. The gaps are the cliffs in the rock where you cower13) to see the back parts of God; they are the fissures14) between mountains and cells the wind lances through, the icy narrowing fiords15) splitting the cliffs of mystery. Go up into the gaps. If you can find them; they shift and vanish too. Stalk16) the gaps. Squeak into a gap in the soil, turn, and unlock—more than a maple—a universe. This is how you spend this afternoon, and tomorrow morning, and tomorrow afternoon. Spend the afternoon. You cant take it with you.
I live in tranquillity and trembling. Sometimes I dream. I am interested in Alice17) mainly when she eats the cooky that makes her smaller. I would pare18) myself or be pared that I too might pass through the merest crack, a gap I know is there in the sky. I am looking just now for the cooky. Sometimes I open, pried19) like a fruit. Or I am porous20) as old bone, or translucent21), a tinted22) condensation of the air like a watercolor wash, and I gaze around me in bewilderment, fancying I cast no shadow. Sometimes I ride a bucking faith while one hand grips and the other flails23) the air, and like any daredevil I gouge24) with my heels for blood, for a wilder ride, for more.
There is not a guarantee in the world. Oh your needs are guaranteed, your needs are absolutely guaranteed by the most stringent of warranties, in the plainest, truest words: knock; seek; ask. But you must read the fine print. “Not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” Thats the catch. If you can catch it will catch you up, aloft, up to any gap at all, and youll come back, for you will come back, transformed in a way you may not have bargained for—dribbling25) and crazed26). The waters of separation, however lightly sprinkled, leave indelible27) stains. Did you think, before you were caught, that you needed, say, life? Do you think you will keep your life, or anything else you love? But no. Your needs are all met. But not as the world giveth. You see the needs of your own spirit met whenever you have asked, and you have learned that the outrageous guarantee holds. You see the creatures die, and you know you will die. And one day it occurs to you that you must not need life. Obviously. And then youre gone. You have finally understood that youre dealing with a maniac28).
I think that the dying pray at the last not “please,” but “thank you,” as a guest thanks his host at the door. Falling from airplanes the people are crying thank you, thank you, all down the air; and the cold carriages29) draw up for them on the rocks. Divinity is not playful. The universe was not made in jest30) but in solemn incomprehensible earnest. By a power that is unfathomably31) secret, and holy, and fleet. There is nothing to be done about it, but ignore it, or see. And then you walk fearlessly, eating what you must, growing wherever you can, like the monk on the road who knows precisely how vulnerable he is, who takes no comfort among death-forgetting men, and who carries his vision of vastness and might around in his tunic like a live coal which neither burns nor warms him, but with which he will not part.
1. 英文節(jié)選自本書最后一章,主要講述人應(yīng)該拒絕在沉思中混日子過的誘惑,應(yīng)該更加狂野與驍勇地探索世界的未知。
2. Thomas Merton:托馬斯·默頓(1915~1968),美國作家,20世紀(jì)最著名的基督教神秘論者之一
3. diddle [?d?d(?)l] vi. 〈美〉浪費時間,閑混
4. contemplative [k?n?templ?t?v] adj. 沉思的;好沉思的
5. itsy-bitsy [??tsi?b?tsi] adj. 極小的,纖小的
6. merit [?mer?t] vt. 值得;應(yīng)受到……
7. sulk [s?lk] vi. 生氣而不說話,慍怒
8. whoopee [w??pi?] n. 狂歡作樂
9. Cain:該隱,《圣經(jīng)》里的人物,因嫉妒和憎恨殺死自己的弟弟。
10. Lazarus:拉撒路,《圣經(jīng)》里的人物,病亡后又被耶穌救活。
11. Ezekiel:以西結(jié),公元前六世紀(jì)以色列的先知
12. excoriate [?k?sk??r??e?t] vt. 嚴(yán)厲指責(zé),痛斥
作品賞析
英國詩人蘭德在75歲時曾這樣談?wù)撋白匀唬骸拔液驼l都不爭,/和誰爭我都不屑;/我愛大自然,/其次就是藝術(shù);/我雙手烤著,/生命之火取暖;/火萎了,/我也該走了?!痹诟ゼ醽喼菟{(lán)嶺的聽客溪邊,有一位年輕人,也選擇與自然為伴,專注于觀察、思考、閱讀和寫作,她在樹蔭里觀看陽光下的松鼠,聽山谷中鳥兒的鳴啼從一個山頭傳到另一個山頭,俯頭觀察溪水中游動的鱸魚,與一只捕食獵物的蒼鷺對視,抑或坐在橫于水上的桐葉楓樹上看書,在夜里仰望200萬光年外的仙女座星系,看四季在生靈萬物中流轉(zhuǎn)。
冬天,在陰天時去看人們臉上蕩漾的可愛和溫柔,雪天時凝視每一朵雪花的飄落。傍晚看成群的燕八哥蜿蜒飛向落日,夜晚則在櫻桃木爐火旁閱讀,想象愛斯基摩人如何造冰屋、縫合衣物,抑或神游至外海,垂線釣一條北極斑鮭。金魚和蜘蛛在屋中游走,萬物各安其所。
春天,林子里開滿了花,鵝掌楸發(fā)出的新芽優(yōu)雅地端坐于葉中央,反舌鳥在云杉上唱歌,水蜥在溪中游動。也是在這個充滿生機的春天里,迪拉德質(zhì)疑那造物主以揮金如土的稟賦和充滿奢華的關(guān)愛創(chuàng)造出的繁復(fù)世界,而最終明白美本身就是創(chuàng)造者豐茂的果實,那繁復(fù)的、奇異的、糾纏的、抑或恐怖的,最終都在善意的恩寵下自由成長,活潑奢華,恰如其分。而“我”要做的則是在明媚的春光中感受自然的豐茂,從鴨池塘的一滴水中窺探聽客溪的整個春天,在森林里的破水族箱上撿起已經(jīng)蛻落的蛇皮,看落日霞光奔跑著掠過群山,在一年中最富有生命力的季節(jié)過純凈的生活。
夏天,蚱蜢在草原上集結(jié)軍隊,溪水上漲,洪水泛濫。夏夜天空的藍(lán)色穹頂猶如馬戲團的帳篷,迪拉德蕩入這個神秘的世界,想一窺究竟,于是那為世人所贊美的自然的容顏逐漸被揭開面紗,殘酷、愚蠢抑或荒謬一一呈現(xiàn)。寄生蟲貪婪地毀滅一切,各物種相互殘殺甚至自我啃噬,溪中的青蛙被巨型田鱉瞬間吸干,草蜻蜓會食自己剛產(chǎn)的卵,雄螳螂在交配中被雌螳螂一點點吃掉。造物主在造出豐盈萬物的同時也在吞噬這個世界,自然的身上滿是疤痕,面對大自然未戴冠冕的樣子,迪拉德產(chǎn)生了無數(shù)的疑問:這個世界如此豐沃又如此殘酷,它到底是在做生的買賣,還是死的交易?究竟是我們?yōu)樗劳霭У康那楦谐隽隋e,還是世界的運行機制荒唐之至?她繼續(xù)潛行在聽客溪邊,在安靜等待麝香鼠的時刻,明白自然界的萬物自顧自死亡又生長,卻始終保有美好的尊嚴(yán),人類的悲哀與觀看無法介入,“不管我們要不要,或知不知道,美和天道兀自展現(xiàn),我們只能盡量在場?!庇谑恰拔摇弊兂苫ò?、石頭、羽毛,潛行于聽客溪邊,學(xué)會與大自然真正相處,靜候它發(fā)光的榮耀。
秋天來了,它讓石榴變甜,讓蟋蟀和大黃蜂失去知覺,在紅楓上燃起火焰,讓已結(jié)籽的青草彎下腰,再把蚯蚓和甲蟲們?nèi)客迫肓四嗤辽钐?,醞釀著下一場四季輪回。
時間周而復(fù)始,那些發(fā)出的疑問又散入了空氣中。在為父復(fù)仇、重整乾坤的重任面前,哈姆雷特也曾發(fā)出生與死的天問:“誰愿忍受人世的鞭撻和譏嘲、壓迫者的凌辱、傲慢者的冷眼、被輕蔑的愛情的慘痛、法律的遷延、官吏的橫暴和費盡辛勤所換來的小人的鄙視,要是他只要用一柄小小的刀子,就可以清算他自己的一生?”哈姆雷特最終倒在大殿之上,卻用疑問和生命為我們上演了一場絕美的命運悲劇。造物主不回答任何人,我們看見、發(fā)問,然后繼續(xù)生長,“年輕人自豪地以戀人為其傷疤命名;老人獨自在鏡前,用眼睛拭去其傷疤,見到完整的自我”。于是在跌宕起伏的人生中,我們怒吼著,等待著,盼望著,然而最終贊頌?zāi)窃姷氖篱g萬物為美。
保持純真和忘我是迪拉德選擇與自然相處的方式,或許也是與世間萬物相處的最高法則。宋人張擬在《棋經(jīng)》中將下圍棋的境界分為九品,其中二品為坐照,一品則為入神。在寫作《包法利夫人》期間,福樓拜曾在給朋友的信中談道:“我感到男人與女人、情人與情婦在自己身上融為一體,在這個秋天的午后,在金黃色的樹林里,我騎馬漫步,我就是馬、樹葉、風(fēng)以及它們傾談的話語,我就是那使它們沐浴著愛意的眼瞼半開半闔的紅色的陽光?!蹦侨硇牡耐度肱c忘我,是讓神入駐自己的心靈,屏息靜候美降臨的時刻,是想將自己變成世界忠實的觀察者和記錄員,做造物主的朝圣者。
《聽客溪的朝圣》并不是一部十分成熟的作品,偶爾像是生物學(xué)考察日志,偶爾又像是浪漫派的詩歌。它呈現(xiàn)的是安妮·迪拉德對大自然的細(xì)致觀察和詩意感受,但更多時候我們看到的是一些美的時刻,是許多形而上的大膽發(fā)問,是一位二十幾歲的年輕人睥睨一切的目光和天馬行空的思考。一切美的事物、新鮮的知識,我們稱之為奢華的、豐盈的、殘暴的、危險的、繁復(fù)的,還有那勇敢無畏的好奇心,在年輕的頭顱中馳騁沖撞,火花四濺。這是屬于年輕人的時刻,充盈的生命與這世界交鋒的每個時刻都大聲詰問,它被撕裂、被馴服,并最終毫無保留地將心靈獻(xiàn)祭于自然和美。迪拉德在等待那道光,它來時,山岳大開,萬物轟隆。
25年后迪拉德再次談起年輕時與自然為伴的那些日子:“我毫不畏懼上帝而沖了進(jìn)去;27歲的時候我以為自己擁有一切該有的放逸,來與世間最偉大的主題交鋒。我毫不畏懼人而沖了進(jìn)去?!蹦切├Щ蟆⒃憜柦K將都成為歌頌。迪拉德說“你看到什么就得到什么”。那些行于大路上的年輕人,請告訴我,你看到了什么?
13. cower [?ka??(r)] vi. 蜷縮,蹲
14. fissure [?f???(r)] n. (狹而深長的)裂縫,裂隙
15. fiord [?fi???(r)d] n. 峽灣
16. stalk [st??k] vt. 悄悄地追蹤,潛近
17. Alice:指小說《愛麗絲夢游仙境》(Alices Adventures in Wonderland)里的女主人公愛麗絲。故事敘述了愛麗絲從兔子洞進(jìn)入一個神奇的地下世界,她在那里喝一口水就能縮得如同老鼠大小,吃一口蛋糕又能變成巨人。
18. pare [pe?(r)] vt. (逐步)削減,縮減
19. pry [pra?] vt. (用杠桿等)撬動,撬開,撬起
20. porous [?p??r?s] adj. 有孔的,多孔的
21. translucent [tr?ns?lu?s(?)nt] adj. 〈古〉透明的;清澈的
22. tinted [?t?nt?d] adj. 帶色的
23. flail [fle?l] vt. 鞭打;抽打
24. gouge [ɡa?d?] vi. 鑿,挖
25. dribble [?dr?b(?)l] vi. 流口水;垂涎
26. craze [kre?z] vt. 使發(fā)狂
27. indelible [?n?del?b(?)l] adj. 難以去除的;洗不掉的;擦不掉的
28. maniac [?me?ni?k] n. 瘋子,狂人
29. carriage [?k?r?d?] n. 運輸工作, 車輛;(載客的)馬車
30. jest [d?est] n. 打趣,嘲笑
31. unfathomably [?n?f???m?b(?)li] adv. 深不可測地