學(xué)生英語(yǔ)作文簡(jiǎn)析

今年我市深入開(kāi)展了“學(xué)習(xí)雷鋒精神、共創(chuàng)文明城區(qū)”的活動(dòng)。在3月5日的學(xué)雷鋒紀(jì)念日這天，你的學(xué)校組織了志愿者去夕陽(yáng)紅敬老院開(kāi)展“學(xué)雷鋒、送溫暖”活動(dòng)。請(qǐng)將活動(dòng)情況介紹給你的美國(guó)筆友Ben，與他分享你的美好經(jīng)歷。

Dear Ben,

Thank you for your last e-mail. Let me tell you what we did in our school on March 5th.

As soon as we got to Xiyanghong Nursing Home, people there gave us a warm welcome. We brought some fowers and fruits to the elderly people. We cleaned the windows and swept the foor for them. Then we sang and danced. How happy we were！ After that， we sat together chatting with each other and gave our best wishes to them. The elderly people were very excited.

When it was time for us to leave, they were grateful for our kindness. But I felt it’s our duty to care for the elderly people and to respect them.

If you have the chance to come to China, I hope you can join us.

Yours,

Meng Chen

山東省臨沂市黃山中學(xué) 九年級(jí)1班 孟晨

本文內(nèi)容豐富連貫，敘述清晰明了，是篇優(yōu)秀的習(xí)作。文中運(yùn)用了很多時(shí)間連接詞，例如as soon as，then，after that，when it was time to……使活動(dòng)過(guò)程更加緊湊流暢。另外，“gave us a warm welcome”“How happy we were!”“The elderly people were very excited.”等形象生動(dòng)的描述讓文章更加栩栩如生、豐富多彩。

指導(dǎo)教師： 張蒙蒙

Dear Ben,

Thank you for your last e-mail. Let me tell you what we did in our school on March 5th.

On that day, I went to Xiyanghong Nursing Home with other volunteers. We brought some fowers and fruits to the elderly. We helped them clean the house， then we chatted with them. We sang, danced and gave them our best wishes. The elderly people were so happy that they thanked us again and again. I think everyone should care for the elderly people and respect them.

If you have the chance to come to China, I hope y ou can join us.

Yours,

Xie Wenxiang

山東省臨沂市黃山中學(xué) 九年級(jí)1班 謝文香

本文結(jié)構(gòu)完整、要點(diǎn)齊全、語(yǔ)言準(zhǔn)確無(wú)誤，能夠按照題目的要求完成寫(xiě)作任務(wù)。但文章顯得過(guò)于平鋪直敘，原因就是缺乏過(guò)渡性的詞語(yǔ)和句子。如果能夠像第一篇文章那樣用一些表示連接的時(shí)間副詞把句子給連起來(lái)，然后再加上一兩句描寫(xiě)志愿者和老人心情的句子，文章就會(huì)生動(dòng)很多。

指導(dǎo)教師：杜倩