MISHMASH

多棱鏡

MISHMASH

GANSU'S UNHEALTHY ADV1CE

Liu Weizhong， Director of Gansu Province’s health department， is no stranger to controversy. For a guy in charge of an entire province’s health affairs， he has often been pretty keen to promote treatments that don’t have much by way of scientific backing. He previously gained notoriety for suggesting that a diet of pig’s feet could cure what ails you， earning the nickname “Pig’s Feet Director”on the Chinese internet. A whole host of commentators pointed out that Liu’s traditional Chinese medicine recommendations could be confused for suggested health advice from the government itself， which this most certainly was not. Recently however， Liu has been at it again，suggesting in mid-April at a press conference that after a disaster a lot of people had developed clinical depression，and that boiling daylily in water would make all of the depression symptoms go away. Again， there was no concrete scientific data， just an anecdote， and netizens are again wondering about Liu’s cavalier attitude toward dispensing health advice， particularly in an area as sensitive as clinical depression.

RONALD DOES HARD T1ME

Ronald McDonald: poster clown for obesity and emissary of Western fast food culture has run afoul of China’s most hated profession: the infamous chengguan. The urban management officers （basically police for street stalls and petty sidewalk violations） decided that a McDonalds in Guangzhou had been handing out too many flyers and cluttering up their precious sidewalk， and thus needed to be punished. When an irate restaurant staff member reportedly told them “［the］ Ronald McDonald statue is also beside our door， why not take it away？” The equally infuriated chengguan achieved an impressive mic drop by grabbing the damn statue， even if that meant busting its bolted-to-the-ground legs off at the ankles. Touché， chengguan， well played. No word on whether Ronald is being interrogated about the flyer incident or how well the now-footless mascot is holding up in custody， but netizens are getting plenty of fun out of contemplating those very questions.

TA1NTED LOVE AND SNEAKY SUPERHEROES

Chinese ladies， stay away from foreign spies and superhero beatniks， they’re just not right for you. April 15 was China’s first National Security Education Day，and a poster appeared in the capital’s Xicheng District. It contained a comic strip with an adorable looking foreigner（Daniel） and detailed how he met and fell in love with the equally adorable Xiao Li. Not so fast！ As the relationship progresses， Daniel asks Xiao Li to provide state secrets and she winds up being interrogated by weirdly adorable but stern-faced police officers！ You might think this was as ludicrous as things got， but no. The Ministry of State Security also rolled out a video in which the narrator asked citizens to identify potential spies， and helpfully informed them that people like Superman， Batman， Ironman and Captain America were not the likely culprits， as “those who safeguard their country’s national security （against China） are not men with magic powers or chest muscles”. It showed images of these heroes crying， while the text “l(fā)aid off” appeared above them， to indicate…that they’re no good beatniks maybe？

SH1NY LOVE L1VES

High school is when teenagers often begin their first awkward attempts at relationships with the opposite sex. This， of course， only gets more awkward the more visible you make it. Which is why students at the Leshan Number One High School in Sichuan are pretty nonplussed about new reflective kits being added to their uniforms， telling media that the blindingly bright strips are there to sabotage any make-out sessions they may want to have among the trees that surround the school. The school denies it’s an attempt to cock-block the students and points to regulations that suggest （not command， just suggest） that schools add reflexive elements to uniforms so students can be spotted in traffic. Sabotaging their frowned-upon adolescent love-lives may just be an added bonus.

DESCENDANTS OF THE WHO？

It’s a tale as old as time: girl sees guy on television， girl makes a fake marriage certificate and posts it on Weibo， girl’s father gets furious. Going by the surname Li， 26， the star of this internet romance used Photoshop to create a marriage certificate of her and her imagined lover Song Joong-ki， star of Descendents of Sun and South Korean pop sensation， to many laughs and ribaldry from her friends. Her father， however， was not so impressed: “Who has given a green light to your marriage？ How dare you leave me in the dark？ Where is he from？” After a pretty heavy phone conversation， she was able to explain that it was all a joke， but not before the story was picked up online and by the Chongqing Metro News.

FOXY THIEVES

The villagers of Tanghekou are under attack from the most adorable invaders ever， and it looks like it’s all because of some no-good Buddhist dogooders. A reporter for The Guardian found that raccoon dogs and foxes have been prowling the arid little village north of Beijing， nabbing chickens from mostly irate locals. The animals are believed to have been released there by well-meaning-but-misguided Buddhists who were carrying out a “fangsheng”ritual， in which they take captive animals and let them go. The problem，in this case， was that they took the animals out into some pretty desolate mountains that don’t have a lot by way of food. The hungry creatures found that the only way they were gonna eat was to raid chicken farmers. At least one local tried to fend them off with a prowling Alsatian， but alas， the dog merely sniffed them and decided to let them go， perhaps because they weren’t hurting anyone—except the chickens.

- DAVID DAWSON