BY SUN JlAHUl （孫佳慧）

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街頭俚語

CUT OFF MY HANDS！

BY SUN JlAHUl （孫佳慧）

You came to grow grass again？I've been eating dirt！ Now I have to chop off my hands again！” This is not， as you might frst imagine， the tale of a dirt-eating landscape gardener with a severe self-harm complex； no，this is a shopaholic. If you are the type to head to downtown and come back with more bags than sense， you'll need to learn these simple phrases：chop off hands （剁手 duòshǒu），eat dirt （吃土 chītǔ），and grow grass （種草zhòngcǎo）. With that in mind， the implicit meaning of the opening sentence is， “You come to me recommending fancy goods？ I've spent all my money！ I can't believe I will shop even more！”

To “eat dirt” is a fairly easy one； it means you're broke. But， what's less obvious is that the phrase implies that you've overspent. Someone might look at their credit card bill and scream： “我為什么買了這么多衣服？ 我這個月只能吃土了！（Wǒ wèi shénme mǎi le zhème duō yīfu？ Wǒ zhège yuè zhǐnéng chītǔ le！ Why did I buy so many clothes？ I can only eat dirt this month！）”

It's a cruel world out there for people who yearn for Prada and hanker for Harry Winston， with signs assaulting the senses with “買買買！” or “buy，buy， buy！” Advertisements spring from every shop and billboard， so it's no wonder that the phrase for having one's appetite whetted for fancy new goods is described as “growing grass”，meaning “plant a desire in the mind”. This phrase is often used in a passive voice， as in， “我被種草了。（Wǒ bèi zhòngcǎo le. I was grown grass.）”

Ungrammatical as it sounds， it's a common expression. Hearing about a sale， seeing a commercial for watches， even being recommended a new trashy reality television show can all be met with “I have become grown grass”， meaning the advertising has taken root and you're hooked （or in need of some sort of impulse item hedge trimmer）. Accordingly， when you fnally buy， watch， read， or steal what has been grown， you pull off the grass， or 拔草 （bácǎo）. This is perhaps best illustrated with the sentence， “我惦記這款包很久了，今天終于拔草了! （Wǒ diànji zhè kuǎn bāo hěn jiǔ le， jīntiān zhōngyú bácǎo le！I have been thinking about this bag for so long and fnally pulled off the grass today?。?/p>

However， some grass grows too deep， and when you're eating dirt，you might fnd the need for a more severe metaphor. A shopper might，with timid determination， shout： “我要是再買就剁手?。╓ǒ yàoshi zài mǎi jiù duòshǒu！ If I buy one more thing，I will chop off my hands?。?Actual bloodshed is rare. Rather， it is a stolid declaration of suffering for spending，not unlike the Biblical passage， “If thine hand offend thee， cut it off.”The term can even be made into a declaration of intent； one might say，“I will chop off my hands today” in anticipation of their shopping spree.

Sadly， spending disorders can be quite serious—affecting family members， friends， and those you love. People suffering should seek psychological help. That is， unless they're buying a copy of The World of Chinese. If that's the case， “買買買!”You handless dirt-eater.