繪/不歸肉

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卷福在華生婚禮上的伴郎致辭

繪/不歸肉

I'm afraid John， I can't congratulate you.

All emotions and in particular love， stand opposed to the pure，cold reason I hold above all things.

A wedding is， in my considered opinion， nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious①specious英 ［'spi???s］ 美 ［'spi??s］ adj. 似是而非的；外表美觀的；華而不實的；徒有其表的and irrational②irrational英 ［?'r??（?）n（?）l］ 美 ［?'r???nl］ adj. 不合理的；無理性的；荒謬的and sentimental in this ailing③ailing 英 ［'e?l??］ 美 ［'el??］ adj. 生病的，身體不舒服的；體衰的v. 生病；苦惱（ail的ing形式）and morally compromised world.

To d a y w e h o n o u r t h e deathwatch beetle④beetle英 ［'bi?t（?）l］ vi. 急忙來回；突出vt. 用槌打n. 甲蟲；大槌that is the doom of our society and in time one feels certain our entire species.

But anyway， let's talk about John.

If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures，this is not out of sentiment or caprice⑤caprice英 ［k?'pri?s］ 美 ［k?'pris］ n. 任性，反復無常；隨想曲，怪想， it is that he has many fine qualities of his own， that he has overlooked in his obsession⑥obsession 英 ［?b'se?（?）n］ 美 ［?b's??（?）n］ n. 癡迷；困擾；［內科］［心理］ 強迫觀念with me.

Indeed， any reputation I have for mental acuity⑦acuity 英 ［?'kju??t?］ 美 ［?'kju?ti］ n. 敏銳；尖銳；劇烈and sharpness comes in truth， from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides.

It is a fact， I believe， that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there， I feel， and contrast is， after all， God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous⑧l(xiāng)udicrous英 ［'lu?d?kr?s; 'lju?-］ 美 ［'lud?kr?s］ adj. 滑稽的；荒唐的fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.

The point I'm trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant，rude， ignorant， and all round obnoxious⑨obnoxious 英 ［?b'n?k??s］ 美 ［?b'nɑk??s］ adj. 討厭的；可憎的；不愉快的arsehole that anyone could possibly have misfortune to meet.

I am dismissive of the virtuous，unaware of the beautiful and uncomprehending in the face of the happy.

So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be Best Man. It is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend.

And certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.

John， I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth andconstancy of your friendship.

But as I am apparently your best friend， I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually， now I can.

Mary， when I say you deserve this man， it is the highest compliment of which I am capable.

John， you have endured war and injury and tragic loss， so sorry again about that last one， so know this-today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved.

In short， the two people who love you most in all this world，and I know I speak for Mary as well when I say， we will never let you down. And we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

恐怕我不能恭喜你，約翰。

所有的情感，尤其是愛，與純粹冷靜的理智相違背，而我認為這種理智高于一切。

在我的信念中，婚禮簡直就是在慶祝這個病態(tài)的道德敗壞的世界中一切虛偽、華而不實、荒謬、感傷的東西。

今天我們是在慶祝宣告死亡的蛀蟲，它注定了我們社會的消亡，也注定了整個人類的滅亡。

但是，我們還是談談約翰吧。

如果我在旅途中找個幫手，這個不會是出于情感需要或是心血來潮，而是由于他本身的一些美好品質，只不過由于對我的癡迷而忽視了。

的確，大家都知道我觀察力敏銳。事實上，這不過是和約翰對比出來的，約翰無私地提供了如此強烈的對比。

我相信，事實上，新娘總是傾向于在其重要的日子里選擇姿色特別平庸的伴娘。我覺得這肯定是一種對比，畢竟對比是上帝展現(xiàn)他的創(chuàng)造之美的一種手段，或者上帝并不是為結婚的傻瓜們提供了職業(yè)機會而設計出來的可笑的幻想。

我想說的是，我是最討厭、最粗魯、最無知的人、徹頭徹尾的討厭鬼，任何人遇到我都是一種不幸。

我輕視美德、無視美、不了解如何面對幸福。

所以如果我不明白為什么找我做伴郎，那是因為我從沒想過我會是任何人的好朋友。

當然沒想過會是我有幸認識的最勇敢、最仁慈、最聰明的人的好朋友。

約翰，我是個荒謬的人。但是我被你的熱情和對友誼的忠貞拯救了。

盡管我是你的好朋友，我還是不能祝賀你的婚姻。事實上，現(xiàn)在我要祝賀你。

瑪麗，你值得擁有這個男人。這是我能表達對約翰的最高的稱贊。

約翰，你經歷過戰(zhàn)爭、受過傷、有過悲慘的損失。我再次對你最近遭受的損失表示遺憾。要知道今天你坐在你的妻子和你拯救過的人中間。

簡言之就是世上最愛你的兩個人。我知道瑪麗也是這么想的：我們永遠不會讓你失望。我們會用一生的時間來證明。

The lecturer of Zombie Studies is Arnold Blumberg. He wrote a book on zombie①zombie 英 ［'z?mb?］ 美 ［'zɑmbi］ n. 行尸走肉；蛇神；木訥呆板的人movies so is quite the expert on the topic，allowing students to watch classic zombie films and read zombie comics as part of the course.

In 2000， there was a big media backlash②backlash英 ［'b?kl??］ 美 ［'b?kl??］ n. 反沖；強烈抵制 vt. 強烈反對；發(fā)生后沖to Professor Ellis Cashmore introducing a module where students could study David Beckham at Staffordshire University. Football Culture is still a module within Sport， Media and Culture and the lecturer has since defended its inclusion， pointing out that Film Studies was once an absurd concept to employers.

Known as one of the most traditional universities， Durham offers a unit in 'Harry Potter and the Age of Illusion' as part of Education Studies. Students can look at topics such as 'Muggles and magic： the escape from the treadmill③treadmill英 ［'tredm?l］ 美 ［'tr?dm?l］ n. 踏車，跑步機；單調的工作and the recovery of enchantment'④enchantment英 ［?n't?ɑ?ntm（?）nt］ n. 魅力；魔法；著迷；妖術and 'Gryffindor and Slytherin： prejudice and intolerance in the classroom'.

Trekkies everywhere will be beaming⑤beam 英 ［bi?m］ 美 ［bim］ n. 橫梁；光線；電波；船寬；［計量］ 秤桿vt. 發(fā)送；以梁支撐；用…照射；流露 vi. 照射；堆滿笑容at the news that Georgetown University offers a course in 'Philosophy and Star Trek'. Students can attempt to get their most pressing questions answered such as 'Is time travel possible？' and 'Could we go back and kill our grandmothers？'.

The lecturer， Tony Lawrence，said back in 2006 "I went to see Ghostbusters when I was a kid and I thought that would be a great job. Of course the reality is a bit different， but that's when I became interested. We don't tell students what to believe but we help them investigate."

Embedded within the MA in History at Nottingham University is 'The Robin Hood Studies Pathway'. Students can "learn about the tales and ballads⑥ballad英 ［'b?l?d］ 美 ［'b?l?d］ n. 歌謠，民謠；敘事歌謠；流行抒情歌曲of one of England's most enduring medieval⑦medieval 英 ［?medi?i:vl］ 美 ［,mid?'iv?l］ adj. 中世紀的；原始的；仿中世紀的；老式的heroes." They'll also get the chance to choose an aspect of the Robin Hood corpus to under take an extended research project.

The University of Glasgow offers students with the unique opportunity of a fully funded doctoral studentship on the 'History of Lace Knitting in Shetland'. On completion⑧completion 英 ［k?m'pli??n］ 美 ［k?m'pli??n］ n. 完成，結束；實現(xiàn)， the student will be registered as a postgraduate at Glasgow University and will benefit from the extensive doctoral training programme provided for all research students

大千世界，無奇不有。

教授僵尸學的是阿諾德布隆伯格。他曾經寫過一本關于僵尸電影的書，因此在這方面可以說是一個專家了。作為授課的一部分，他讓學生去看經典的僵尸電影，閱讀僵尸漫畫。

2000年，史塔福郡大學的

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