By Cai Chongda

The Body I s to Use

By Cai Chongda

T his is about A-tai,my maternal great-grandmother,a really hardy person who lived to an age of 99.

A-tai’s daughter,my grandmother, passed away all of a sudden at her 50s. The relatives were afraid that the heart-broken mother would take it too hard and accompanied her by turns.

However,it seemed that a strange drive of anger,instead of grief,filled A-tai’s heart.She just kept moving around,now opening the coffin lid to have a final look and then going to the kitchen to examine the funeral offerings.

I was a grade-one primary school student back then.As I recall,A-tai did not weep at all during the funeral, even when the cremator devoured her daughter’s body.She calmly watched through her squinted eyes,as if beingjust sleepy.

I was confused and asked her,“A-tai,why aren’t you sad?”To my surprise,her wrinkled face,full of senile plagues,was unfolded a little by a smile.And then I heard her reply,“Because I’m willing to move on.”

I heard more times of that sentence because A-tai came to my home frequently after my grandmother’s death. She said her daughter told her that,as my parents were busy and my grandparents all passed away,it would be her duty to help taking care of me.

She was tough and always put forth too much effort.When she cut vegetables,she made it like chopping ribs. OnceIheardhercalmlysaying“ouch”,andIaskedherloudly,“What’s up?”“Nothing but that I cut offafinger.”Thewholefamily hopped to the kitchen to see a bloody scene and her not-caring face.

My mother told me more about A-tai.It was said that she once threw her toddler son into the sea and let him“l(fā)earn swimming himself”.My grandunclewasnearlykilled.Her neighbors reproached her,but she just said coldly,“The body is for you to use,not to serve.”

I asked A-tai if the story was true. She said,“True.You are a moron if you always serve your body.Only those who know how to use it can become somebody.”

I didn’t think she made any sense.

But anyhow,I felt A-tai was like a stone which was too hard to be hurt. She was actually famous to be hardy in our small town.When she was 90, she could still walk on her bound feet [1],from her village to my home in the town.

When A-tai was 92,however,I saw her crying once.One day she climbed on her roof to mend a hole,and fell from it.Later when I went to visit her, she recognized my footsteps from a distance and cried,“Oh my good great-grandson,A-tai is in a bind.She can’t move.”

She was sobbing,asking me to visit her more often.From then on she had to sit on a chair all day waiting for me.I did visit her often,especially when I got into trouble,because her company would make me feel better.

This habit of mine continued even when I grew up,went to university, and then worked in a city far away. Whenever I was frustrated,I would always ask for leave and when back to A-tai.She might not understand my vexation,but when I saw her smile unfolding the aged layers of wrinkles,Isomewhat felt relieved.

It was in an ordinary morning when my mother called me to say A-tai’s gone.We heard each other crying.

My mother said that A-tai’s last words were for me.“My little puppy, dare you cry!Death is no big deal. You miss me badly and I will come to you.It’ll be more convenient without a body.”

Not until that moment did I understand her view of life:You think less of your body and desires,and your life will be swift as it is.

Note:[1]In Imperial China,foot binding(also known as"lotus feet")was the custom of applying painfully tight binding to the feet of young girls to prevent further growth.This custom of old times was announced to be illegal in early 20th century.

(FromNo More Than Skins,Tianjin Renmin Press.Translation:Wang Xiaoke.Illustration:Liang Baigeng,Du Yueru)