繪/修介

暗戀對象有了女朋友，你會怎么樣

繪/修介

Oh， look at that you're holding hands with someone else that's not me. How weird！

He's dating someone？ Since when？ But is it like serious dating？ Or just like one of those things that's gonna fizzle①fizzle 英 ［'f?z（?）l］ vi. 失??；發(fā)咝咝聲；萎靡 n. 失??；咝咝聲out in the next month？ I wonder if she's met his parents yet. I wonder if his mom likes her. His mom would love me.

How could he cheat on me and destroy our hypothetical②hypothetical 英 ［，ha?p?'θet?k（?）l］ 美 ［，ha?p?'θ?t?kl］ adj. 假設的；愛猜想的relationship like this？ But he's my boyfriend. He just， you know，doesn't know it yet. It's okay， it's okay. He just needs to kiss a few frogs before he finds his perfect princess.

My daydreams never anticipated③anticipated 英 ［?n't?s?，pe?t?d］ 美 ［?n't?s?，pet?d］ adj. 預期的；期望的this. But like... what？Dang it， she's cute. But， I mean，I'm like cuter than her， obviously.

Act natural， just smile and pretend that you're totally not losing it inside. Ah they seem nice enough. I just feel like he won't be truly happy without me by his side. So really I'm just looking out for his happiness.

I swear， if she breaks his heart I'm gonna break her skull④skull 英 ［sk?l］ 美 ［sk?l］ n. 頭蓋骨，腦殼. Actually， if they break up I could be the rebound chick. I'll be his shoulder to cry on when it all goes downhill. Please break up，please break up， please break up，please break up. I feel bad for wanting them to break up， but at the same time I don't. Sorry not sorry.

He is missing out on true love by not being with me. Am I morally opposed to being a side chick？ Yeah， I'm opposed to it. But just by a little bit. Oh wow you guys are cute. Yeah， so cute，so cute. You guys have a really cute friendship！

Oh no that's not platonic⑤platonic ［pl?'tɑn?k］ adj. 理想的；柏拉圖哲學的；不切實際的；純精神友誼的at all. I'm not jealous. I'm totally not jealous right now！ Okay maybe I'm a teeny bit jealous.

If I had even an ounce of music ability， I could make a killer song right now. I need to learn everything about this girl. I'm smiling through the pain. This is a prank⑥prank 英 ［pr??k］ 美 ［pr??k］ n. 惡作劇，開玩笑；戲謔 vt. 裝飾；打扮， right？ Am I being filmed right now？ Don't mind me， I'm just gonna lock myself in my room for the next 48 hours.

Cool， now I can be a third wheel on dinners with my crush. Oh wow， she's perfect， huh？You've never seen someone with better hair？ Really， never？ That's so funny. I object to this.

Why didn't he ask me for my blessing before they started dating？ Wow， this has been a truly great reminder of how single I am. Don't mind me over here， just working on my future，adopting 30 cats.

看著你正牽著一個女孩的手而那個人不是我，尷尬嘍！

約會？什么時候？這次是認真的嗎？還是跟之前一樣撐不到一個月吧？我想知道她見他的父母了沒，也想知道他媽媽會不會喜歡她，我覺得他媽媽一定會喜歡我。

他怎么能這樣玩弄我的感情，破壞我的幻想呢！他是我的男友耶，只是他自己還不知道而已。沒關系，他只是在遇到他心中完美的公主前需要親一些青蛙罷了。

我的白日夢中沒有夢到這些。但是……什么？天哪，她好可愛，但很明顯地我比她可愛很多。

必須表現(xiàn)自然一點，強顏歡笑吧。呼……他們看起來還蠻登對的啦。我想沒有我在他身邊，他并不會真正快樂，所以其實我只是為了他的幸福著想。

我發(fā)誓，如果她傷了他的心，我一定打爆她的頭。老實說，如果他們真的分手了，我也是可以幫他療傷的。情況真的很糟的話，我可以讓他哭倒在我的肩膀上。拜托你們分手吧！拜托分手，拜托分手，拜托分手……我覺得希望他們分手的自己很壞，但好像又沒那么壞。真是抱歉啊。

他已經錯過他的真愛，因為他不是和我在一起。我應該根據(jù)道德來反對當個小三嗎？是啊，我是反對的。但就那么一點反對。哦！你們兩個真可愛，你們的關系真好呢！

哦不，不要這樣，這樣一點都不柏拉圖式了，我沒有在忌妒。我現(xiàn)在完全沒有在忌妒！好吧，可能有那么一點點忌妒。

如果我有一絲絲音樂才能，我現(xiàn)在就能做出一首殺手之歌，我想知道更多關于那個女孩的事。我會強顏歡笑，這只是惡作劇對吧？現(xiàn)在有攝像機在拍我吧？別管我，我要在房間獨處個48小時。

我想我現(xiàn)在可以當我愛人晚餐時的電燈泡了。哦，她真完美，是吧？你從沒發(fā)現(xiàn)發(fā)型這么好看的人吧？真的沒有？從來沒有？太搞笑了！我才不相信。

為什么他們在一起前沒有來請我給他們一個祝福呢？哇，這徹底地提醒了我自己現(xiàn)在孑然一身。別管我了，我會繼續(xù)過我的人生，領養(yǎng)30只貓之類的。

Thoughts When Your Crush is Dating Someone Else