Never Better

Phoebe： Honey， I’ve got a confession to make.

Kurt： Well， I’m not an 1）ordained priest or minister or whatever， and having something to confess probably means you were hiding something from me in the first place. ①But I am glad you’re ready to come clean， so let’s have it.

Phoebe： The fact is…I’ve never felt better？！

Kurt： Umm…I’m no expert， but I’m pretty sure that feeling good is not something you’re supposed to feel bad about.

Phoebe： But you don’t understand； feeling good is making me feel guiltier than ever.

Kurt： Why， because of all the people in poverty around the globe？ It’s true， we do live rich， comfortable lives with only first-world problems to deal with， like which 2）tile to choose for the master bathroom or how much to 3）tip the pool guy for Christmas.

Phoebe： Hey， choosing the wrong tile can ruin the whole 4）aura of your home.

Kurt： Sorry， I wasn’t aware homes could have auras. I guess I need to brush up on my new-age 5）vernacular.

Phoebe： ②Anyway， the guilt I feel stems from knowing the source of my happiness， and not wanting it to be true.

Kurt： Well， spit it out already！

Phoebe： I’m so happy because having an empty nest has been such a relief！ No yelling， no 6）whining， no teenage 7）mood swings， no 8）kvetching， just pure， 9）unadulterated peace and 10）tranquility. And I love it！

Kurt： I know！ I have been having the time of my life. ③I thought I would miss him like the dickens， but it feels like a weight has been lifted ever since we shipped him off to boarding school.

Phoebe： But am I a terrible mother for sending my little boy away？

Kurt： On the contrary， you are a responsible parent who is looking after the well-being of her child. We recognized our son’s educational needs and did what had to be done. Who could have guessed that him being gone would be the best thing for everyone？

Phoebe： I believe it was me who made that exact argument when the topic of boarding school first came up for discussion.

Kurt： Exactly. So now he’s getting the proper learning environment he needs to grow and fulfill his potential， and we may be starting to realize that we have needs of our own， needs that weren’t being met cuz we didn’t have the time.

Phoebe： Yeah. I get my quiet time， you get your sports， and， if I’m not mistaken， we’re both looking a bit 11）svelte these days. Am I right？

Kurt： We are looking and feeling better than ever. And you， my dear， have nothing to feel guilty about.

Phoebe： That is， until he comes back for winter break and sees that his old bedroom is our new exercise room…

菲比：親愛的，我需要向你懺悔。

庫爾特：我不是被授予神職的牧師或神父之類的，需要懺悔首先可能意味著你正對(duì)我隱瞞著什么，但我很高興你準(zhǔn)備向我坦白了，說吧。

菲比：事實(shí)是……我感到從未這樣好過。

庫爾特：嗯……雖然我不是專家，但我相當(dāng)確定感覺很好并不應(yīng)該是讓你感到慚愧的事。

菲比：你不懂，感覺良好讓我比以往任何時(shí)候都要感到內(nèi)疚。

庫爾特：為什么，因?yàn)槭澜缟纤械哪切└F人嗎？是的，我們的確過著富裕、舒服的生活。處理的是第一世界的問題，像選擇哪一種瓷磚來裝修我們的主浴室，在圣誕節(jié)應(yīng)給多少小費(fèi)給幫你清洗游泳池的人這些事。

菲比：嘿，選錯(cuò)了瓷磚可是會(huì)毀了你房子的整體光環(huán)。

庫爾特：對(duì)不起，我沒有意識(shí)到房子會(huì)有光環(huán)。我想我要溫習(xí)我新世紀(jì)的方言了。

菲比：不論如何，我感到內(nèi)疚是因?yàn)槲抑牢腋械娇鞓返脑?，卻不希望它是真的。

庫爾特：痛痛快快地說出來吧！

菲比：我感到高興是因?yàn)檫M(jìn)入空巢狀態(tài)讓我松了一口氣。沒有大聲的叫喊，沒有抱怨，沒有青少年的情緒波動(dòng)，沒有吹毛求疵，有的只是完全純粹的寧靜。我喜歡這種狀態(tài)。庫爾特：我知道！這是我生命中的快樂時(shí)光。我原本以為我會(huì)很想念他，但自從我們把他送到寄宿學(xué)校去，我感到如釋重負(fù)。

菲比：但送走我的孩子，我是不是一個(gè)糟糕的母親呢？

庫爾特：恰恰相反，你是一個(gè)有責(zé)任感的，為孩子的幸福著想的母親。我們認(rèn)可兒子的教育需求，做我們必須要做的事。誰能想到他的離開對(duì)我們每個(gè)人都是最好的呢？

菲比：當(dāng)我們第一次談及寄宿學(xué)校這個(gè)話題時(shí)，我想這（原本）是我提出的理由吧。

庫爾特：確實(shí)。所以現(xiàn)在他有一個(gè)合適的幫助他成長(zhǎng)和發(fā)揮潛能的學(xué)習(xí)環(huán)境，而我們也許應(yīng)該開始認(rèn)識(shí)到我們也有自己的需求。之前因?yàn)闆]有時(shí)間，這些需求都無法滿足。

菲比：是的。我重獲寧靜，而你可以回歸你的體育運(yùn)動(dòng)了。還有，如果我沒弄錯(cuò)的話，這些天我們比以前苗條了一些。對(duì)吧？

庫爾特：我們的樣子和感覺都比以前好多了。親愛的，你不需要感到內(nèi)疚。

菲比：只是當(dāng)他放寒假回來時(shí)，他會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)他的臥室變成了我們新的健身房……

Smart Sentences

① But I am glad you’re ready to come clean， so let’s have it.

但我很高興你準(zhǔn)備向我坦白了，說吧。

come clean： admit or tell people about sth. that’s been kept secret（承認(rèn)或告訴他人保守已久的秘密）。例如：

Just when Adam was about to come clean about what really happened in the meeting， he died in a strange car accident.

就在亞當(dāng)想說出會(huì)議真相時(shí)，他死于一次不同尋常的車禍。

② Anyway， the guilt I feel stems from knowing the source of my happiness， and not wanting it to be true.

不論如何，我感到內(nèi)疚是因?yàn)槲抑牢腋械娇鞓返脑颍瑓s不希望它是真的。

stem from： have or take origin from sth.（起源于，由……發(fā)生）。例如：

While New Year’s Day is a relatively recent phenomenon in China， the lunar New Year celebration stems from custom in the past.

在中國(guó)，過元旦相對(duì)來說是一個(gè)新現(xiàn)象，但慶祝農(nóng)歷新年的做法來自過去的習(xí)俗。

③ I thought I would miss him like the dickens， but it feels like a weight has been lifted ever since we shipped him off to boarding school.

我原本以為我會(huì)很想念他，但自從我們把他送到寄宿學(xué)校去，我感到如釋重負(fù)。

like the dickens： really， seriously（真是，實(shí)在是）。例如：

An internship at a respectable company， straight A academic record， and a supportive girlfriend. Man， I envy you like the dickens.

在一家體面的公司里實(shí)習(xí)，取得優(yōu)異的學(xué)習(xí)成績(jī)，還有一個(gè)支持你的女朋友，好家伙，我對(duì)你實(shí)在是羨慕不已。