Beating is not the way to educate children

Should parents and teachers spare the rod and spoil the child？ Opinions concerning strict parental or school discipline vary widely. Some view strict discipline as nothing more than a form of abuse， while others argue it is an essential factor for instilling appropriate socialization. "Here is a story on the subject.

家長和老師是否應(yīng)該相信孩子不打不成器？關(guān)于嚴(yán)厲的家庭教育或是學(xué)校紀(jì)律，人們的看法不一。有些人認(rèn)為嚴(yán)格的紀(jì)律是虐待的一種形式，而另一些人認(rèn)為這是逐漸灌輸適當(dāng)?shù)纳鐣?huì)性的一個(gè)重要因素。以下是有關(guān)這個(gè)問題的一個(gè)故事。

I am Hafizur Rahman have been working for poor children’s education since my childhood （1990）. I have stablished an action learning organization based on volunteerism （Education for Deprived Students： EDS） at 2005 in Khulna， Bangladesh. In EDS poor children work for poor children and they help each other. I strongly believe that poor and children are resource; they are not burden for the society. If they get chance can make positive change in their society. "I struggled a lot to get education. I know how hard to get education for poor people. Nobody thought that I could complete my primary level （grade 5） but I have completed my PhD from Norwegian University of Life Sciences. In 2005 I got NORAD （Norwegian Agency for Development Cooperation） scholarship for my MSc. I used to save some money from my scholarship and send to my student （Alamin： He has been working as Coordinator since 2005： he was 14 years old when he started to work for EDS） for the education cost of 20 poor children. I used my most of the saving to buy a house for EDS children and establish EDS. Before joining EDS many children were child labor， begging on the street or were not interested to go to school. Last year 18 EDS students （who never thought to complete grade 8） started university education and they have been working volunteer to give education to 300 poor children. I only use my own saving to run EDS and don’t receive economic help from any organization. I believe everything is possible to achieve if people feel from their heart. To know more about EDS please https：//www.facebook.com/pages/Education-for-Deprived-Students-EDS/387812577947876 and EDE website： www.edsbd.org

However， in my childhood， many adults thought they could beat their children to control them and make them learn better. The current Bangladeshi government has taken a good initiative and forbidden to beat children in schools， but I know beating still happens today in my country and in many other countries around the world. I want to share my story to make people who beat their children rethink what they do and understand the negative effect on their children.

我是Hafizur Rahman，從（1990年）孩童時(shí)代起我就一直致力于貧困孩子的教育工作。2005年在孟加拉的庫納爾市，我成立了一個(gè)基于志愿服務(wù)的行動(dòng)學(xué)習(xí)組織（被剝奪受教育權(quán)的孩子的教育：EDS）。在EDS，貧困的孩子為同樣貧困的孩子服務(wù)，他們互幫互助。我堅(jiān)信貧困人民和孩子是財(cái)富而不是社會(huì)的負(fù)擔(dān)。如果賦予他們機(jī)會(huì)，他們將給社會(huì)帶來積極的改變。為了獲得教育我做了很大的斗爭。我深知接受教育對貧困人民有多難。沒有人覺得我能夠完成初級學(xué)業(yè)（五年級），但是我卻從挪威生命科學(xué)大學(xué)拿到了博士學(xué)位。2005年我拿到了理科碩士的挪威發(fā)展合作機(jī)構(gòu)的獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金。我省下了一部分獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金并且將它寄給我的學(xué)生（Alamin：他自2005年開始做協(xié)調(diào)員：他開始為EDS工作的時(shí)候是14歲）來支付20名貧困孩子的學(xué)費(fèi)。我花了大部分的積蓄來為EDS的孩子們買了個(gè)房子以及用于EDS的相關(guān)運(yùn)作。在來到EDS之前，很多孩子要么是童工，要么沿街乞討或者對上學(xué)沒什么興趣。去年18名EDS的學(xué)生（都沒想過能夠讀完八年級）開始上大學(xué)，并且志愿給300名貧困孩子講課。我一直都是用自己的積蓄來運(yùn)作EDS，并沒有接受任何組織的經(jīng)濟(jì)資助。我相信有志者事竟成。獲取更多EDS相關(guān)信息，請瀏覽以下網(wǎng)址：https：//www.facebook.com/pages/Education-for-Deprived-Students-EDS/387812577947876，以及EDS官網(wǎng)：www.edsbd.org

然而，在我小的時(shí)候，很多成年人認(rèn)為他們可以通過體罰來控制孩子并讓他們更好地學(xué)習(xí)。當(dāng)前的孟加拉政府已經(jīng)采取了很好的行動(dòng)來禁止學(xué)校對學(xué)生的體罰，但是我知道如今在我的國家以及很多其他國家，體罰依舊存在。我希望分享我的故事來讓實(shí)施體罰的人們重新思考其所作所為并明白這樣做對于孩子的負(fù)面影響。

My struggle to get education

為了獲得教育我所做的斗爭

I am born in Khulna （Fulbarigate） and nobody thought I would complete primary school. Now I have completed my PhD from Norway. This was possible due to my hard work， high confidence level and due to support from my family members， teachers， friends， my country and NORAD. I respect my brothers and parents for their support and I do not write this to dishonor anybody. I want to share my story to make people who beat children， to control them or make them learn， understand how beating affects the children and rethink their practice. This story is my personal experience and may not indicate the overall situation in Bangladesh. I wrote it one year ago， but did not post it because I wanted to consult with my friends and family to make sure nobody would feel insulted.

It was not easy for me to get education. I struggled due to many complex factors. I grew up close to a slum area and was friends with the slum children. I did not like school because teachers beat me every day. They beat until I started bleeding and sometimes I pied in my pants because I was scared. Most of the people I have discussed with who are at my age also faced beating from their teachers. Many thought it should be like that as it happened to most children， others did not care， but I thought it should not be that way and started thinking how to change the system.

我出生在庫納爾市（Fulbarigate），沒有人覺得我能讀完小學(xué)。而現(xiàn)在我在挪威完成了博士學(xué)位。這要?dú)w功于我的家人、老師、朋友、祖國以及挪威發(fā)展合作機(jī)構(gòu)的支持。我尊重我的兄弟們和父母，我寫這些也不是要讓任何人蒙羞。我希望分享我的故事來讓那些認(rèn)為體罰可以控制孩子并讓他們更好地學(xué)習(xí)的人們意識到，這樣做對于孩子的影響，從而重新考慮其做法。這個(gè)故事是我的個(gè)人經(jīng)歷，可能不代表孟加拉國的整個(gè)情況。一年前我就寫完了這個(gè)故事，但是沒有發(fā)表，因?yàn)槲蚁胍臀业呐笥鸭胰松塘?，以確保沒人覺得因此受到侮辱。

接受教育對我來說并不容易。由于很多復(fù)雜的原因我為此而斗爭著。我在靠近貧民窟的地方長大，也是貧民窟孩子的朋友。我不喜歡去學(xué)校，因?yàn)槔蠋熋刻於俭w罰我。他們會(huì)一直打到我出血，而且有的時(shí)候我因?yàn)樘ε律踔習(xí)樀侥蜓澴?。大多?shù)和我交談過的年紀(jì)差不多的人都有過被老師體罰的經(jīng)歷。很多人認(rèn)為這很正常，因?yàn)榇蟛糠趾⒆佣际沁@么過來的，其他人并不在意這個(gè)，但我認(rèn)為不應(yīng)該是這樣的，并且開始去想怎樣改變此種情況。

Teachers think they can beat and threaten "students to learn

老師認(rèn)為可以通過體罰和威脅來讓學(xué)生學(xué)習(xí)

I respect the teachers because despite low salary they try to manage large classes and help the students to develop. Our teachers tried from their heart to teach and guide us， but it was difficult to get the attention in classes of more than 80 students. It could take long time to make the children quiet and motivate them to listen， so the teachers may found it more efficient to control the class by beating. Many teachers took care of their students like their own children and visited their home to see that everything was ok. So maybe the teachers did not know the bad effect of beating.

The teachers used to beat me because I was not able to complete my homework. I did not understand the subjects and was afraid to ask any question in the class because I was afraid about beating. Many teachers threatened their students and told them negative things as a method of guiding them and make them study harder. Many teachers told me “You are not able to learn， in your head there is only cow dung， stop your education. If you will pass the final primary school exam the chairs tables will also pass the exam”. I got very sad and demotivated for study. I was interested in education， but nobody at school or home helped me to understand the class and inspired me so I failed the exams. Then my family members thought I was not interested in education. I told my parents that teacher beat me every day， but they said it is normal that the teachers beat their students.

我尊敬老師，因?yàn)楸M管工資很低，他們還是努力管理著人數(shù)眾多的班級并且?guī)椭鷮W(xué)生進(jìn)步。老師們試著用心地教育及引導(dǎo)我們，但是要獲得超過80名學(xué)生的注意力并不容易。讓孩子們保持安靜并聽講需要花上很長時(shí)間，因此老師們會(huì)覺得通過體罰來控制班級更有效。很多老師把學(xué)生當(dāng)成自己的孩子一樣來對待，并且去家訪以確保一切正常。因此，或許老師們并沒有發(fā)覺體罰的負(fù)面影響。

老師體罰我的原因是我完成不了家庭作業(yè)，或是我聽不懂課程，但又因?yàn)榕卤粦土P不敢在課堂上問問題。很多老師通過威脅學(xué)生或者告訴他們負(fù)面的東西來引導(dǎo)他們，讓他們更加努力地學(xué)習(xí)。很多老師跟我說，“你無法好好學(xué)習(xí)，你腦子里只有牛糞，別上學(xué)了吧。如果你能通過小學(xué)末考，桌子椅子都能過?！蔽衣牶筇貏e傷心，也失去了學(xué)習(xí)的動(dòng)力。我很喜歡學(xué)習(xí)，但是學(xué)校、家里都沒有人來幫助或是激勵(lì)我，以至于我考試失利。接著家人認(rèn)為我不愛學(xué)習(xí)。我告訴父母，老師每天都打我，而他們卻說老師體罰學(xué)生很正常。

New dreams get broken by a private teacher

家教讓新夢想破碎

I requested for a private teacher at home to help me to understand the homework. My father was a farmer and did not have much money， so a private teacher （although a cheap one） was a big expense for him， but still he hired one for me to help me in my homework. I was very happy when I heard that and thought that from now no schoolteacher would beat me again because I would be able to answer the questions.

The first day I met my private teacher， he told me： “Hafiz， I heard that you are not interested in education. If you do not follow me I will kill you”. One of my brothers gave the private teacher long stick and said： “If Hafiz cannot answer your questions or does not follow you， beat him so that the skin separates from the bones”. I was so afraid about them. Every day the private teacher beat me. I cried loudly， but nobody came to stop him. Every day I tried to complete the homework of my private and schoolteacher， but was not able to because I was not good in memorizing the facts without understanding. The teachers used to tell their students to memorize English sentences word by word. When I wrote in my own words， the teacher said： “Are you a writer？ Do not try to be a teacher， just follow me！” If the teachers would try to find my gaps and help me to improve my basic knowledge I would not suffer that much.

我要求請一個(gè)家教來輔導(dǎo)我的功課。我的父親是個(gè)農(nóng)民并沒有什么錢，因此請家教（盡管是便宜的家教）對他來說也是一筆大開銷，但是他還是幫我請了一個(gè)家教來輔導(dǎo)我。我知道后非常高興，覺得這下學(xué)校的老師都不會(huì)再打我了，因?yàn)槲矣心芰卮饐栴}了。

見面的第一天，家教就跟我說：“Hafiz，我聽說你不愛學(xué)習(xí)。如果你不聽我講課，我就會(huì)殺了你?！蔽业囊粋€(gè)哥哥給了他一根長棍子，并說：“如果Hafiz答不上來問題或者不聽講，你就打他，打到皮開肉綻。”我特別害怕他們。每天家教都會(huì)打我。我大聲地哭救，但是沒有人來阻止他。每天我都努力地完成學(xué)校老師和家教布置的作業(yè)，但是都完成不了，因?yàn)槲也簧瞄L記住沒有理解的東西。老師習(xí)慣于讓學(xué)生逐字地記住英語句子。當(dāng)我用自己的話寫作的時(shí)候，老師會(huì)說：“你是作家嗎？你也想當(dāng)老師嗎，跟我一樣嗎！”如果老師能找到我的差距并且?guī)椭异柟袒局R點(diǎn)，我就不會(huì)遭受這么多了。

I dream of a place where children

learn with joy

我夢想有個(gè)地方孩子們可以快樂學(xué)習(xí)

Finally， some friends and I decided to quit school and play in the street. I was 8-10 years old that time. I used to go to a university close to my home （KUET） and enjoy seeing how the students there were happy and did not fear their teachers. I sat there， drew pictures and dreamed of a school where the children enjoyed and were not afraid of their teachers.

After school time I went back home and told that I had been to school. My brothers did not believe me and when they heard from the teacher that I had not been to school they beat me a lot. First， my family members beat me and then my private teacher beat me for the same reason. I had a dream that one day I will talk to my private teacher and will tell that beating is not a method. After 25 years I got mobile number of my private teacher at 2012. I ringed him and introduced myself. He asked me first question “Hafiz， have you completed grade 10 or stopped education and working…….” I replied “I have completed my PhD and working in a Norwegian university….” He became silent for few minutes and asked me “how it possible？ This is the 8th wonders in the world. I am proud to be your teacher. Hafiz you have proved that you are people can do what they wish”. I thought if he would inspire me instead of beating I would not struggle so much. Now he is a teacher in a school. I tried to tell about the bad impact of beating.

最后，我和一些朋友決定不上課并在街上游蕩。那個(gè)時(shí)候我大概八、九、十歲的樣子。我常常去家旁邊的大學(xué)，喜歡看那些開心的不用懼怕老師的大學(xué)生們。我坐在那里，畫著畫，夢想著有一個(gè)學(xué)校，那里的學(xué)生們都很開心，并且不害怕老師。

放學(xué)后，回到家里的我告訴家人自己去上學(xué)了。哥哥們不相信我，他們聽學(xué)校的老師說我沒去上學(xué)之后，又狠狠地打了我一頓。起初，家人體罰我，接著家教體罰我，原因都是一樣的。我夢想著有一天，我可以對我的家教老師說，體罰不是一個(gè)好方法。25年之后的2012年，我拿到了家教老師的手機(jī)號。我打給他并告訴他我是誰。他問我的第一個(gè)問題是“Hafiz，你讀完10年級了嗎，還是輟學(xué)去工作了……”我回答他“我已經(jīng)完成我的博士學(xué)位并在一所挪威的大學(xué)任職……”他沉默了幾分鐘，然后問我，“這怎么可能呢？這簡直是世界第八大奇跡。做你的老師我感到很驕傲。Hafiz你證明了你可以成為人們希望的那樣?！蔽蚁氲氖撬绻芗?lì)而不是體罰我，我就不會(huì)經(jīng)歷那么多痛苦了。現(xiàn)在他是一個(gè)學(xué)校的老師。我試著講述體罰的負(fù)面影響。

One day one of my brothers was very angry because I did not go to school and kicked me like a football. He did not consider that I was just a child. I was lucky that his wife tried to save me， but one kick hit her so she became senseless. She remained senseless for one hour. I do not want to think what could have happen if I had received that kick.

Although my brother beat me a lot and did not inspire or help me to understand my homework I like him very much because he is a kind person， he was always interested that I should get education and supported me economically for that purpose. He has a big heart and always try to help others economically. Since 2013， I do not have job so he always ask me “Hafiz， are you ok？ Can I send you money monthly to cover your living costs？” He is not very rich， but he is always ready to help me. For this reason， I like him， although I do not like that he beat me and I strongly disagree with him that beating is a good educative method.

My brother has changed a lot since I was a child and he is less temperate now. He has three sons. He likes them very much， but he used to beat them also when they did not study or did a mistake. I motivated him not to beat his children. A few days ago， he called me and said： “Can you please motivate my children for their education？” I promised to do that， but on one condition： That he will not beat his children. I told him how his beating in my childhood affected me. He was very sorry and started to realize that beating is not a method to educate children.

有一天，我的哥哥因?yàn)槲覜]去上學(xué)而非常生氣地像踢足球一樣踢我。他沒想過我只是一個(gè)孩子。幸運(yùn)的是他的妻子試著去救我，還被踢中了一下而暈了一個(gè)小時(shí)。我都不敢去想如果我挨了那一下，我會(huì)變成什么樣子。

盡管我的哥哥經(jīng)常打我，也不鼓勵(lì)或輔導(dǎo)我的功課，我還是很愛他，因?yàn)樗苌屏?，他總是覺得我應(yīng)該接受教育并且在經(jīng)濟(jì)上支持我。他很熱心，總是在經(jīng)濟(jì)上幫助他人。2013年起，我沒有工作，他就總問我，“Hafiz，你怎么樣？要不要每個(gè)月給你寄錢來幫助你生活？”雖然不是很有錢，但是他總準(zhǔn)備好了幫助我。因?yàn)檫@個(gè)原因，我很愛他，盡管我并不喜歡他打我，也很不同意他關(guān)于體罰是個(gè)好的教育方法的想法。

從我是個(gè)孩子起，哥哥就變了很多，他現(xiàn)在脾氣更差了。他有3個(gè)兒子。他很愛他們，但是在他們不學(xué)習(xí)或是犯錯(cuò)的時(shí)候他還是會(huì)打他們。我勸他不要體罰孩子。幾天前，他給我打電話說：“你能不能勸勸我的孩子們讓他們?nèi)W(xué)習(xí)？”我答應(yīng)了，但條件是：他不會(huì)再體罰他們了。我告訴了他小時(shí)候的體罰對我的影響。他感到很抱歉，并開始意識到體罰不是教育孩子的一個(gè)好方式。

In our culture， our parents and elder brothers and sisters work very hard to earn money for the survival of our family and the education of their children and younger siblings. Thus， when they see that their children or younger siblings do not study or follow them， many of the adults get angry and beat them. The situation is improving as more people are aware of the negative effects of beating. The reason for beating maybe lack of patience or lack of awareness on how beating negatively affects the children’s mentality and learning abilities.

All teachers are not same. There are many good teachers in Bangladesh and due to their support I have completed my education. When I was student of grade 10， I got a private teacher who helped me a lot to fulfill my knowledge gap. When he saw that I had a lot knowledge gap， asked me to stay at his home at night （he was whole day busy for teaching）. He used to teach me up to middle night. It was possible for me to complete SSC （exam at grade 10 organized by ministry of education. If someone fails SSC can’t continue grade 11）. I had 3 months before SSC exam but had to complete 12 books. I just lost my hope but he helped me a lot and inspired me to complete SSC. It was quite impossible for me to pass SSC for me but I got the best grade. I will never forget his contribution in my life. I still communicate with him.

在我們的文化里，父母、哥哥和姐姐都辛苦地工作掙錢來支撐家庭以及支持他們的孩子、弟弟妹妹的學(xué)業(yè)。因此，當(dāng)他們發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子或是弟弟妹妹不學(xué)習(xí)，不聽話的時(shí)候，很多人都會(huì)很生氣，然后實(shí)施體罰。這種情況正在得到改善，因?yàn)樵絹碓蕉嗟娜艘庾R到體罰的負(fù)面影響。體罰的原因可能是缺乏耐心，也可能是沒有意識到體罰對于孩子心理和學(xué)習(xí)能力的負(fù)面影響。

老師并不都是這樣。孟加拉有很多優(yōu)秀的老師，并且因?yàn)樗麄儯彝瓿闪藢W(xué)業(yè)。10年級的時(shí)候，我的家教老師幫助我彌補(bǔ)了知識點(diǎn)上的差距。當(dāng)發(fā)現(xiàn)我有很多知識點(diǎn)缺陷的時(shí)候，他讓我晚上待在他家補(bǔ)課（白天他都忙著教書），并且常常給我輔導(dǎo)到午夜。對我來說，完成SSC考試的準(zhǔn)備是不可能的（教育部組織的10年級考試。如果失敗就不能升至11年級）。在SSC考試之前我只有三個(gè)月，但我要看12本書。我很絕望，但是他給了我很多幫助并鼓勵(lì)我去完成它。通過SSC考試對我來說也是不可能的，但是我卻取得了最好的成績。我不會(huì)忘記他對我生活的巨大幫助。直到現(xiàn)在我們還保持著聯(lián)系。

I dream to be a change maker

夢想成為改變者

I had a dream to establish an organization to support education f poor children. In 2005 I established an education program called Education for Deprived Students （EDS） in Khulna， Bangladesh. EDS is the learning environment I was dreaming about as a child. To make a friendly environment in EDS， children and youth teach and guide each other， so the EDS teachers are only a few years older than their EDS students. I call the EDS teachers and students frequently to create a good environment where all help and support each other and prevent bullying exist. Beating is not allowed in EDS and I call the children to know whether their parents or school teachers beat them. I have parent meetings and call the parents and schoolteachers to motivate them to child friendly education. Many parents are not happy about my methods and doubt it is possible to educate children without beating. Many teachers and parents think it is their right to beat their children or students. Very few of them understand that they can positively motivate their children and students to want to learn. I dream a society where parents， teachers， adults will not beat children and will inspire and motivate them to be a positive change agents for their society. I dream a society where parents will have a friendly relation with children and parents will give first priority to children’s betterment. I will give an example how beating affect children’s life.

我以前夢想建立一個(gè)組織來支持貧困兒童的教育。2005年，我在庫納爾開展了一個(gè)關(guān)于被剝奪受教育權(quán)的孩子的教育項(xiàng)目（EDS）。它致力打造的教育氛圍就是我幼時(shí)希望的那樣。為了創(chuàng)造一個(gè)友好的環(huán)境，在EDS，孩子和老師們互相學(xué)習(xí)，所以老師也只比學(xué)生大幾歲。我呼吁老師和學(xué)生積極創(chuàng)造良好的學(xué)習(xí)環(huán)境，互相幫助，互相支持并阻止欺凌行為的發(fā)生。在EDS，體罰是不被允許的，一旦父母或者老師對他們實(shí)施體罰我就讓學(xué)生匯報(bào)。我在家長會(huì)上呼吁家長和老師對孩子進(jìn)行友好教育。很多家長對我的方法不置可否，并且質(zhì)疑沒有體罰的教育的可能性。很多老師和家長認(rèn)為體罰孩子是他們的權(quán)力，很少有人明白他們可以通過積極的引導(dǎo)來讓孩子們?nèi)W(xué)習(xí)。我希望有一個(gè)社會(huì)，在那里，父母、老師、成年人不再體罰孩子，而是激勵(lì)引導(dǎo)孩子成為積極的社會(huì)變革推動(dòng)者。我希望父母同子女的關(guān)系是友好的，并且父母會(huì)最看重孩子們的進(jìn)步。我將舉一個(gè)體罰影響孩子生活的例子。

Popy’s struggle for education

Popy為接受教育所做的斗爭

When I lived in Khulna I spent a lot of time to teach and guide my family members and some children from our neighborhood to make the children believe that they could learn and inspire them to get education. I will tell the story of a girl who struggled a lot to get education.

Popy is not her real name so please do not disclose her name if you realize whom the story is about. Popy was my student and she was not good in education. Her parents， especially her mother， do not usually listen to suggestions from others and feel she knows the best. When Popy was in primary school， she used to fail the exams because she did not understand the class and the teachers and family members beat her regularly due to this. I was a university student and very busy for my study. Popy was a very good friend of mine， but she never told me about these problems or that her teachers and parents beat her so I did not know about it.

住在庫納爾的時(shí)候，我會(huì)花很多時(shí)間來告訴我的家人以及附近的孩子們，他們可以學(xué)著鼓勵(lì)孩子去學(xué)習(xí)。我將要說的是一個(gè)女孩奮力想要讀書的故事。

Popy不是她的真名，所以如果您發(fā)現(xiàn)了這個(gè)故事說的是誰，請不要揭露她的姓名。Popy是我的學(xué)生，但是學(xué)習(xí)不是很好。她的父母，特別是她的媽媽，不喜歡聽取別人的意見并且認(rèn)為她自己知道一切。Popy在小學(xué)的時(shí)候，經(jīng)?？荚嚥患案瘢牪欢n，而老師和家長卻因?yàn)檫@個(gè)經(jīng)常體罰她。我當(dāng)時(shí)是個(gè)忙于自己學(xué)業(yè)的大學(xué)生。Popy是我的好朋友，但是她從來都不告訴我這些問題，因此她老師和家長體罰她這件事我并不知情。

Popy ran away from home

Popy離家出走

One day Popy told me that her mother and teachers beat her every day. I asked her mother why and she said： “Popy does not study at home and is not interested to go to school. The teachers complain every day that she is not active in class. We spend a lot of money on private teachers for her， but she is not interested in education. I have given a stick to Popy’s private teacher so he can beat her”. I tried to motivate Popy’s mother not to beat Popy， but she did not listen to me. When Popy was about eight years old， she ran away and walked along the railway line very far away from home because she was unhappy due to her mother’s beating. Popy got lost and could not find her way home. We were very worried about her and we were lucky that one person from our area saw her and brought her safely home. If any bad person would catch her， she might have been sold to prostitution. That happens sometimes in Bangladesh. I asked Popy why she had left home. She said： “My mother and teachers always beat me and do not listen to me so I do not want to be with them”. I motivated Popy not to run away again and promised that I would motivate her mother and teachers to not beat， but listen to her. I spent a lot time with Popy. We played together， went to visit various places and became very good friends.

有一天Popy告訴我，她媽媽和老師每天都會(huì)打她。我問她母親為什么要這樣，她說：“Popy在家不學(xué)習(xí)，也不想去上學(xué)。每天老師們都會(huì)說她在課堂上不積極。我們花了很多錢給她請家教，但是她就是不愛學(xué)習(xí)。我給了家教老師一根棍子，這樣他就可以體罰她了。”我試著勸說她不要再打Popy，但是她并不聽我的。Popy8歲的時(shí)候，她離家出走了，沿著鐵路線走了很遠(yuǎn)，原因就是母親的體罰讓她很不開心。后來Popy迷路了，回不了家。我們都很擔(dān)心她的安全，幸運(yùn)的是附近的人看見了她并且把她安全帶了回來。如果有壞人捉了她，她有可能會(huì)被賣去賣淫。這樣的事情在孟加拉時(shí)有發(fā)生。我問Popy為什么要離家出走。她說：“我媽媽和老師總是打我，而且也不聽我的，我不想和他們在一起?！蔽覄袼灰倥荛_了，并且保證會(huì)勸說她母親和老師不再體罰她，而是聽取她的想法。我陪了Popy很久。我們一起玩，一起去了很多地方，成了很好的朋友。

The private teacher didn't understand

what she taught

家教老師不懂而教

One day I was eating， I heard someone crying loudly and screaming： “Save me， save me. Pardon me， I will never do any mistake”. I found that Popy’s private teacher was beating her very hard. I told the teacher to stop and asked why she had beaten Popy. The teacher replied that Popy had not completed her homework and had not understood what she had taught her. I asked the teacher： “Which subject do you teach Popy？” The teacher said： “English”. I asked the teacher some basic questions about English， but he could not answer. Then I said that if she did not know English how she could teach it to others. The teacher memorized the English text from Popy’s book at home and told it to Popy without any explanations. I told the teacher to stop coming， but Popy’s mother was not happy for my decision. I told Popy’s parents that I would be responsible for Popy’s education.

When I started to teach Popy， I found that she had a large gap in the basic knowledge. She was student of grade 9， but lacked the basics of grade 3. I started to teach her the basics and she was very happy to study and for my support. I motivated her parents to send her to EDS， but they were not happy because they thought one could only achieve education by studying hard and not by enjoying learning. In EDS the students enjoy learning as children and youth teach and guide each other in a friendly way. Popy’s parents were afraid that Popy would not learn anything in EDS and fail the exam. Popy got A in the SSC exam （final exam of secondary school， given by the Ministry of Education）. Her parents were surprised by her grade. When I called Popy from Norway she said： “Haiska， （she started to call me Haiska and soon all EDS children called me that too） I got A， thanks to your help. I want to get higher education， please guide me”.

有一天我正在吃飯，聽見有人大聲哭救：“救救我，救救我。原諒我，我再也不會(huì)犯錯(cuò)了。”我發(fā)現(xiàn)Popy的家教老師正在狠狠地打她。我讓她住手并詢問原因。她說Popy沒有完成作業(yè)并且不懂她所教的東西。我問家教老師：“你教哪一科？”她說：“英語?！蔽覇柫怂龓讉€(gè)基本的英語問題，但是她都答不上來。然后我問她，連她自己都不懂英語怎么去教別人。原來這個(gè)老師先背下來Popy課本上的內(nèi)容，然后不加任何解釋地教給Popy。我讓老師別再來了，但是Popy的媽媽對我的決定很不高興。我告訴她以后我會(huì)負(fù)責(zé)Popy的功課。

開始教Popy的時(shí)候，我發(fā)現(xiàn)在基礎(chǔ)知識方面，她有很多缺陷。她是9年級的學(xué)生，但是卻有3年級的知識盲點(diǎn)。我教她基礎(chǔ)知識，她很開心有我的幫助并學(xué)得很帶勁。我勸她爸媽把她送去EDS，但是他們都很不高興，原因是他們覺得只有努力學(xué)習(xí)才能有成果，而不是快樂學(xué)習(xí)。在EDS，學(xué)生和老師們都友好地相處，互相快樂地學(xué)習(xí)。她的父母擔(dān)心這樣會(huì)學(xué)不到東西，從而考試失利。Popy的SSC考試（教育部組織的中學(xué)期末考試）考了A。她的父母都很驚訝。我在挪威給她打電話，她告訴我“Haiska，（她開始叫我Haiska，很快EDS的孩子們都那樣叫我），我考了A，謝謝你的幫助。我想繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)，請指導(dǎo)我。”

Popy was sick

Popy生病了

Unfortunately， Popy’s mother started to beat her again. I always called Popy to know whether her mother beat her and one day Popy told me that her mother had beaten her a lot. I asked her mother why she had beaten Popy， but she replied： “I did not beat Popy， she is lying”. The next day Popy told me that her mother had beaten her again because she had told me that her mother beat her. I told all my family members to inform me if Popy’s mother beat her. Then Popy’s mother started to beat Popy when nobody was at home. One day Popy tried to commit suicide by hitting her head against the wall and got sick. Her mother beat Popy in the head and all over her body， so Popy often told me she had strong headache and pain in her legs. I suggested her parents to consult the doctor， but they said Popy was acting because she was not interested in education.

不幸的是，Popy的媽媽又開始打她了。我經(jīng)常給Popy打電話詢問她媽媽有沒有打她。有一天，Popy告訴我她媽媽總會(huì)打她。我問她為什么要打Popy，但是她回答說：“我沒有打她，她在撒謊。”第二天，Popy告訴我她媽媽又打她了，原因是她向我說了她被體罰的情況。我告訴我的所有家人，如果Popy媽媽打她就告訴我。后來，她媽媽就趁家里沒人的時(shí)候打她。有一天，Popy試著撞頭自殺而生病了。她媽媽不僅打她的腦袋，還打她的全身。Popy告訴我她頭很疼，腿也很疼。我建議她的父母帶她去看醫(yī)生，但是他們卻說Popy在撒謊，因?yàn)樗粣蹖W(xué)習(xí)。

The doctor’s confusing messages

醫(yī)生令人困惑的信息

I went to Bangladesh in 2012 with two Norwegian pedagogy students as their local supervisor for their pedagogy practice. Popy was very happy to see the Norwegian students and me and laughed a lot， but most of the time she was not active because she had headache and pain in her leg. One day I was discussing our work plan with the Norwegian students， I heard Popy’s mother crying loudly. We went to her and saw Popy paralyzed and she had lost the ability to talk. She tried to talk， but could not. One of the Norwegian students said it might be brain stroke. Popy’s mother wanted to send Popy to the hospital， but her father did not take it seriously. I was very sad and took responsibility to send her to the hospital. When we went to the hospital and waited for the doctor， her father said： “Popy is just acting. Maybe she fell in love with someone and wants to marry”. I started to cry and got angry with her parents. I told them if something happened， I would never excuse them. The doctor told Popy had a mental problem， so he transferred us to a mental doctor who is professor in a medical university. The mental doctor said “I treat about 100 patients like Popy daily， so I can make her walk again within 10 minutes”. I was very happy to see his confidence， but when I saw his methods， I got unhappy and told him to talk with Popy politely. The doctor got angry and asked me： “Who is the doctor， you or me？” I told sorry， but was still not happy about his method. He took Popy to another room， pressured， and beat her to tell that she had fallen in love with someone and was acting. When the doctor left the room Popy got back the ability to talk for a short time and told me： “Haiska， save me， the doctor will kill me. I do not want to be alone. Please do not leave me alone， be with me”.

2012年我作為兩名挪威教育學(xué)學(xué)生的當(dāng)?shù)刂鞴芡麄儊淼矫霞永M(jìn)行教育學(xué)實(shí)踐。Popy見到他們和我非常高興，也常常笑著，但是大多數(shù)時(shí)間她都不是很活躍，原因是頭痛和腿痛。有一天我正和學(xué)生探討著工作計(jì)劃，突然聽到Popy媽媽大聲哭救。我們趕過去的時(shí)候發(fā)現(xiàn)Popy全身麻痹且說不出話來。她試著說話，但是卻說不出來。一個(gè)挪威學(xué)生說這有可能是腦中風(fēng)。她媽媽想送她去醫(yī)院，但是她爸爸卻不以為然。我很難過，然后負(fù)責(zé)將她送去了醫(yī)院。我們在醫(yī)院等待醫(yī)生的時(shí)候，她爸爸說：“Popy在演戲?；蛟S她只是喜歡上了誰而想結(jié)婚了?！蔽铱蘖?，而且很生她父母的氣。我告訴他們，如果Popy有什么事，我不會(huì)原諒他們。醫(yī)生說Popy有精神問題，所以他將Popy轉(zhuǎn)給了一個(gè)心理醫(yī)生，他是一個(gè)醫(yī)科大學(xué)的教授。那個(gè)心理醫(yī)生說，“每天我都會(huì)治療100個(gè)像Popy這樣的病人，所以我可以在10分鐘之內(nèi)讓她繼續(xù)走路?！蔽液芨吲d他這么自信，但是我看到他的治療方法之時(shí)，我有點(diǎn)生氣并且告訴他要耐心地同Popy交談。醫(yī)生急了問我道，“你是醫(yī)生還是我是醫(yī)生？”我道了歉，但仍舊不贊同他的方式。他把Popy帶去了另一個(gè)房間，逼迫并打她，讓她說是喜歡上了人而且是在演戲。醫(yī)生離開之后，Popy很快又能說話了，跟我說：“Haiska，救救我，醫(yī)生會(huì)殺了我的。我不想一個(gè)人。請不要離開我，請陪著我?！?/p>

I am always with you

我會(huì)一直陪著你

I told Popy not to worry and that I would be with her. Finally the doctor told： “I am sure that Popy is acting and that she has fallen in love and has a mental problem. She is the biggest liar in the world; I never got such a patient like her who refuse to tell the truth. I created force to make Popy tell me the truth， but she did not. Go home and everything will be ok. Try to find out whom she fell in love with”.

Popy’s father wanted to bring Popy home， but I said she has no mental problem. It could be something related to her brain so I wanted to consult a neurologist. Her father did not want to， but finally agreed. I took Popy to a neurologist. He tested her and said she had a brain stroke and sent us to another neurologist. The latter neurologist was from the PG Hospital， the leading medical university in Bangladesh. After testing Popy he said she had a brain infection， meaning he thought the problems were due to virus and not due to the beating. He said： “If you do not send her to Dhaka （to get better treatment）， her life is at risk”. I believed him and tried to convince Popy’s parents. Her mother cried and begged me to take action， but her father was confused due to the different results from the different doctors.

我告訴Popy不要擔(dān)心，我會(huì)陪著她。最后醫(yī)生說：“我很確信Popy在演戲，她有喜歡的人了，而且她有精神疾病。她是最大的撒謊者;我從來沒有遇到過像她這樣拒絕說實(shí)話的病人。我打她是想讓她說實(shí)話，但是都沒有成功?；丶野?，沒事的。找出來她喜歡的人是誰?！?/p>

Popy的爸爸想帶她回家，但是我說她沒有精神疾病。可能跟她大腦的情況有關(guān)系，所以我想要咨詢一個(gè)神經(jīng)專家。他父親并不想那樣，但是最終同意了。我?guī)е鳳opy去看了神經(jīng)專家。他給她做了檢查，說她有腦中風(fēng)，并把我們轉(zhuǎn)給了另外一個(gè)專家。后來的專家是PG醫(yī)院的，那是孟加拉最好的醫(yī)科大學(xué)附屬醫(yī)院。給Popy做了檢查之后，醫(yī)生說她腦部有感染，意思是他覺得病因是因?yàn)椴《径皇求w罰。他說：“如果不送她去達(dá)卡（接受更好的治療），她就會(huì)有生命危險(xiǎn)?！蔽蚁嘈裴t(yī)生的話，并試著說服她的父母。她媽媽哭了，求我?guī)兔Γ职謪s因?yàn)椴煌t(yī)生給出的不同診斷而有點(diǎn)困惑。

“Haiska， save me”

“Haiska，救救我”

In Bangladesh， many doctors see their profession as a business and often suggest patients to be admitted in their private hospital when it is not needed， so the doctors get economic benefits. Popy’s father thought the doctor had economic interest. I understood him， but wanted to believe the doctor so I tried to motivate him to take Popy to Dhaka to get the best treatment. I was ready to bear all expenses， but Popy’s father still did not agree. The last thing Popy， my best friend， my daughter （I loved her like my child） told me was “Haiska save me， I want to live”. I was determined to help her and finally I convinced her father to take her to Dhaka and her father said if Popy would die or her health would became worse I would be responsible. When the ambulance was ready to go to Dhaka， we got the message that Popy had died.

在孟加拉，很多醫(yī)生視其職業(yè)為買賣，通常在沒有必要的時(shí)候也會(huì)給出病人生病的診斷，讓其承認(rèn)病情，這樣他們就會(huì)有經(jīng)濟(jì)上的回報(bào)。Popy的父親認(rèn)為那個(gè)醫(yī)生是為了經(jīng)濟(jì)利益。我理解他，但是我想相信那個(gè)醫(yī)生，所以我試著勸服他送Popy到達(dá)卡接受最好的治療。我已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備好承擔(dān)一切費(fèi)用，但是他父親仍舊不同意。我最好的朋友，我的女兒（我視她如親生女兒），Popy對我說的最后一句話是“Haiska，救救我，我想要活下去?！蔽蚁露Q心要幫助她，并且最終讓她父親同意送她去達(dá)卡，并說如果Popy死了或者身體狀況更加糟糕，我會(huì)負(fù)責(zé)。當(dāng)救護(hù)車準(zhǔn)備去達(dá)卡的時(shí)候，我們得到了Popy去世的消息。

Can we start to listen to our children？

我們不可以開始聆聽孩子們的想法嗎？

I am not blaming any person I am blaming the system. I do not know why Popy died. Is it due to the beating， the mistreatment of the doctor， that Popy’s family did not trust the doctor or neglect of her parents？ I only know that I could not save Popy. I believe that nobody take care of and love the children more than their parents. When we as parents love our children， can we not make a good relation with them， stop to beat them， be patience and listen to what they want to tell？

Please do not think that all Bangladeshi mothers are like Popy’s mother. She comes from a family where her mother used to beat her so she really thought this was the right way. I believe that no mother will kill her children on purpose， so I do not tell this story to make you blame Popy’s mother. I tell it because I am against her theory that beating is a way to educate the children. Now Popy’s mother is improving her behavior and follows me but it is too late.

我不怪任何人，我只怪這個(gè)系統(tǒng)。我不知道為什么Popy去世了。是由于體罰，還是醫(yī)生的誤診，還是她的家人不相信醫(yī)生，或是她父母的忽視？我只知道我救不了她。我相信沒有人會(huì)比父母更愛和更愿意照顧孩子。當(dāng)我們作為父母去愛護(hù)孩子的時(shí)候，不能做到同他們建立良好的關(guān)系，停止打他們，做到耐心并且傾聽他們的心聲嗎？

請不要認(rèn)為所有孟加拉的母親都像Popy的媽媽一樣。在Popy的家里，她的母親經(jīng)常打她是因?yàn)樗娴挠X得這是一個(gè)正確的方式。我相信沒有母親會(huì)故意傷害自己的孩子，所以我說這個(gè)故事不是為了讓你們?nèi)プl責(zé)她的母親。而是為了反對體罰這一教育孩子的方式?，F(xiàn)在Popy的媽媽正在改進(jìn)她的做法，但是為時(shí)已晚。