BY GINGER HUANG (黃原竟)

DONGBEI SURVIVAL GUIDE

BY GINGER HUANG (黃原竟)

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?

Nǐ chǒu shá?

你瞅啥？

WHAT’S WRONG WITH LOOKING AT YOU?

Chǒu nǐ zǎ dì?

瞅你咋地？

You c an b e fu nn y an d emo ti on al i n Do n g b ei hua, bu t be carefu l

為了回答好“你瞅啥”，學點東北話是很有必要的！

Dongbeihua (東北話), apart from being the most common dialect in Northeastern China, is the unof fi cial language of Chinese comedians; for decades, comedians have ruled the stage of China’s Spring Festival Gala, and there is no more ef fi cient way to spread a dialect than that.

Dongbeihua has a unique appeal that can’t quite be found in other Chinese dialects in its ability to make mundane daily conversation instantly comical. You may fi ndyourself laughing just sitting on a Dongbei bus. Despite its comic effect, learning some Dongbeihua can help you in everyday life because a great many key elements of Dongbeihua have seeped into popular usage across China in the form of slang.

Before we get down to speci fi c words and phrases, the fi rst lesson in Dongbeihua is the right attitude, even more so than getting the pronunciation right. Don’t speak delicately; anything that resembles politeness, hesitation, or gentleness will completely shatter the performance. It is for rash, warm-hearted, straightforward Dongbei common folk. Even if this doesn’t sound like you, pretend. Be loud, sudden, intrusive, impolite, and jovial. Without these qualities, your Dongbeihua just won’t sound authentic.

Now, let’s start with the most basic greeting in northern China:“What’re you up to?” (你干啥去? Nǐ gàn shá qù?) The Dongbei version is “你嘎哈去？(Nǐ gà há qù?)”Pronounce the vowels with your mouth unnecessarily wide open—more open than when speaking Mandarin—and emphasize and prolong the “há” demandingly. To reply, simply throw the question back to the greeter: “I’m not up to anything. What’re you up to?” (我不嘎哈。你嘎哈去？Wǒ bú gà há. Nǐ gà há qù?)

Another Dongbei phrase that has earned national popularity is the exclamation, “Oh, good heavens”(哎呀媽呀), which directly translates to “ouch mother”. The standard Mandarin pronunciation is “āiya mā ya”, but in Dongbeihua the tones are similar to “áiya máya”. The emphasis is on the fi rst character, “ái”. Make sure the phrase bursts forth with great force, because, ever straight-forward,

Dongbeiren are always genuinely surprised. Use it when you feel an ordinary exclamation just won’t do.

Although Dongbeihua varies a little from province to province, there are some common rules you can follow. In some cases, the consonants of“zh”, “ch” and “sh” in Mandarin are spoken as “z”, “c”, and “s”, but other places do the opposite, so keep an ear out. The consonant “r” is invariably replaced with “y”. Two examples:

I’m from Dongbei.

Wǒ shì Dōngběirén. (The Mandarin pronunciation)

Wǒ sì Dōngběiyín.

我是東北人。

I want to eat meat.

Wǒ yào chī ròu. (The Mandarin pronunciation)

Wǒ yào cī yòu.

我要吃肉。

In Dongbeihua, verbs often have a unique vividness. For example, for“stay in”, Dongbeihua uses “貓”(māo), literally to “hide like a cat”.

I’m not going anywhere for the holiday, just staying in.

Fàngjià wǒ nǎr dōu bú qù, jiù māo jiālǐ.

放假我哪兒都不去，就貓家里。

The most frequently used verb in Dongbeihua is no doubt 整 (zhěng). Its use is almost inde fi nable, because it can be used in place of “do”, “get”, or “make”, ballooning into an even wider range of meanings.

Get me two bottles of beer.

Gěi wǒ zhěng liǎng píng píjiǔ.

給我整兩瓶啤酒。

The air-conditioner broke down. Now what can we do?

Kōngtiáo huài le, zǎ zhěng?

空調(diào)壞了，咋整？

You just don’t understand what I’m talking about!

Zěnme gēn nǐ jiǔshì zhěng bù míngbai ne!

怎么跟你就是整不明白呢！

Dongbeiren seldom use an adjective without adding an adverb to intensify it. The most common adverb is “賊啦” (zéilā). “賊” literally means “stealthily smart”, but in Dongbeihua you just apply it before every suitable adjective for emphasis.

This restaurant is insanely good.

Zhè guǎnzi zéilā hǎochī.

這館子賊啦好吃。

The Dongbei people, just as they are known for being warm-hearted, are also well-known for being proud, short-tempered, and easily enraged. This point is best demonstrated if you type “Dongbeiren” into Baidu. The most searched items that automatically come up for“Dongbeiren are all living Lei Feng”(東北人都是活雷鋒, Lei Feng referring to the mid-20th century Chinese propaganda icon) and“Dongbeiren picking fi ghts” (東北人打架).

The Dongbei personality seems to somehow perfectly embody both aspects, and it is no wonder that Dongbeihua is exceptionally rich in derogatory terms. The most used derogative is “show off” (嘚瑟dèse) or more precisely, to squander money. It is used to chide someonefor behaving vainly or irrationally, albeit only mildly and with an ironic tone. Sometimes it simply means “have a swell time” or“indulge yourself”.

You just got paid and you have already squandered it all.

Gāng fā de gōngzī, méi liǎngtiān jiù bèi nǐ dèse guāng le.

剛發(fā)的工資，沒兩天就被你嘚瑟光了。

You look quite good. Where have you been showing off?

Qìsè búcuò a, zuìjìn shàng nǎr dèse qù le?

氣色不錯啊，最近上哪兒嘚瑟去了？

To say “cheat” or “dupe”, use“忽悠” (hūyou). After the Chinese comedian Zhao Benshan used it at the Spring Festival Gala, the word became so popular in China that people are now not even aware of its Dongbei roots.

My grandma was duped by an insurance salesman.

Wǒ nǎinai bèi yí gè mài bǎoxiǎn de hūyou de tuántuánzhuàn.

我奶奶被一個賣保險的忽悠得團團轉(zhuǎn)。

It is also used as a noun in the word 大忽悠 (dàhūyou), meaning “a person who is a big cheater”. He is just a big huyou; he never does what he promises.

Tā zhè rén jiùshì ge dà hūyou, shuōh(huán)uà cónglái dōu bú suànshù.

他這人就是個大忽悠，說話從來都不算數(shù)。

As for derogatory adjectives, there are a number of useful terms: to describe something shabby or ugly, use 磕磣 (kēchen); to say someone is stupid, use 彪 (biāo) or 虎 (hǔ); to say something is dirty, use 埋汰 (máitai).

Your handwriting is really ugly.

Nǐ xiě de zì tài kēchen le ba.

你寫的字太磕磣了吧。

You forgot your ID card when taking the train? You idiot!

Zuò huǒchē wàng le dài shēnfènzhèng? Nǐ biāo a!

坐火車忘了帶身份證？你彪??！

This room is so dirty.

Zhè wūzi zhēn máità.

這屋子真埋汰。

Lastly but perhaps the most importantly, if you are a fi rst-timer to Dongbei, you have to learn how to speak properly in order to avoid getting into trouble. It is commonly said online that 60 percent of fi ghts in Dongbei are started because someone didn’t respond properly to the bulky, tattooed, hot-blooded Dongbei man when he asked:

Why are you looking at me?

Nǐ chǒu shá?

你瞅啥？

It is common sense that once asked this question in Dongbei, you have to be very careful with your choice of words. This means the questioner is not only annoyed by your stare, but already considers it a challenge and is squaring himself up for a fi ght. If you remain oblivious of this and respond naturally with, “what’s wrong with looking at you?” (瞅你咋地？Chǒu nǐ zǎ dì?), you might be in for some trouble. The next thing you might hear is: “Come on, buddy, let’s have a good chat.” (過來，哥們兒，咱倆嘮嘮。Guòl(fā)ai, gēmenr, zán liǎ lào lao.) This is an of fi cial declaration of war. Even if you err on the side of caution and say,“Bro, I ain’t looking at anything” (哥，我沒瞅啥 Gē, wǒ méi chǒu shá),” things could end the same because this too sounds like an insult to the Dongbei ear. Here are a few suggestions if you want to keep yourself safe:

Bro, have we met before? You look exactly like a classmate of mine from primary school.

Gē, zán jiànguo ba? Nǐ zhǎng de xiàng wǒ xiǎoxué tóngxué.

哥，咱見過吧？你長得像我小學同學。

That’s an awesome golden chain you’re wearing. Where did you buy it?

Nǐ dài de zhè jīnliànzi zhēn hǎo, nǎr mǎi de?

你戴的這金鏈子真好，哪兒買的？

Remember that Dongbeihua can be funny or scary—it’s just a way to express yourself fully and with con fi dence. There is a thin line between being funny and starting a fi ght in any language, as any class clown will tell you, but the Dongbei dialect has a lot to offer for the satirical and emotional among you, so give it a go, and remember not to stare at beefy Dongbeiren.