沿沙漠石油公路疾馳四小時(shí)，便從輪臺抵達(dá)塔中。時(shí)近黃昏，塔中宛如一只孤獨(dú)的艦艇，碇泊在塔克拉瑪干大沙漠的腹地，讓人驚異于它的浪漫的存在。

所謂“塔中”，乃是塔里木石油局中部指揮所的簡稱，石油人喜歡叫它塔中市，說它是全中國最最小的一個(gè)市，方圓1平方公里都不到。老遠(yuǎn)就望見兩支并排高舉的天然氣火炬在燃燒，據(jù)說，它們以每秒燒掉一張百元鈔票的速度燒了好多年了。下了車向火炬走去，在這萬古岑寂的沙海窩里，頭頂是高曠無極的藍(lán)天，雙炬像從外星球飄來的兩團(tuán)火球，懸空浮搖，忽左忽右，使人恍然進(jìn)入了充滿魔幻氣的天國。只有正中一桿國旗，才把人拉回現(xiàn)實(shí)?？斐料氯サ奶?，碩大而圓，鮮紅欲滴血，周遭沙海茫茫，夕照勾出輪廓，或如無邊的波濤涌來，或如側(cè)臥的女人曲線起伏，沙紋變幻出五顏六色的光暈，委實(shí)迷離幻魅。

奇怪的是，熱而無汗，渾身干爽，好像根本用不著洗澡。在車廂式的工區(qū)食堂吃自助餐，雖然簡單，色味頗佳。住進(jìn)對面的塔中賓館，其設(shè)備之全竟不亞于內(nèi)地的一般賓館。我甚至看見一二姑娘的花裙子從眼底飄過。剎那間，那些有關(guān)沙漠的種種詭異恐怖的說法，全沒了蹤影。斜倚在火炬的反光閃動的窗臺，我忍不住對石油作家王世偉說：“這里并不怎么艱苦嘛。”世偉用大眼睛異樣地瞅了我一會兒，似有深意地說：“明天你就知道了?！?/p>

第二天的安排是乘沙漠車，為的是讓我們“體驗(yàn)體驗(yàn)”。我早就注意到路邊蹲伏著一群龐然大物，方鼻子后縮，長身子聳起，輪子大到至少有2米多高，模樣像嚇人的巨獸，細(xì)看又覺憨態(tài)可掬。這肯定是赫赫有名的沙漠車了。據(jù)說它能在無路的沙幔中行走，是沙漠石油鉆探的開路先鋒。準(zhǔn)備讓我們乘坐的兩輛是小型的，叫尤迪摩克，后輪卻也有一人多高，屬奔馳公司產(chǎn)品，有“沙漠小臥車”之稱。

上車時(shí)，我們作家團(tuán)的團(tuán)長陳昌本，一手拿采訪本，一手扳住扶手，一個(gè)騰躍就上去了。他拒不坐較為安全的后排，顯得很矯健。自進(jìn)入塔里木油田以來，他幾乎夜夜安排我們采訪，困得人直打盹，又不便走開，只好忍著。他倒好像有使不完的精力，記錄起來沒完。作家張平自恃年輕力壯，非要坐前排，一副當(dāng)仁不讓的樣子。我們這輛車的人則由《石油報(bào)》的老李帶頭，比較聽話，讓坐哪兒就坐哪兒。

坐沙漠車有種騎駱駝似的居高感。開頭還好，微醺似地顛簸著，讓人想起小時(shí)候騎毛驢的晃悠，頗為瀟灑。大家均嫌坡不夠陡，要求再生猛些。待進(jìn)入真正的沙海，發(fā)覺情況不妙了，遠(yuǎn)看平緩的沙丘，置身其中才知陡峻得很，斜射的朝陽拉出長影子，好像掉進(jìn)了群山萬壑的迷陣。只見前面的車，或作壁虎爬升狀，或作猛虎下山狀；我們這輛，則反復(fù)做“托馬斯旋轉(zhuǎn)”。遇到高坎，須怒吼好多聲才能攀上；遇到深谷，則如瀑布入澗，叫人兩眼發(fā)黑。大家全傻眼了，誰還敢出聲，心兒狂跳，攥橫梁的手滿把出汗。乘石景山游樂園的過山車怕也沒這么緊張。不幸終于發(fā)生：前面的車在一次俯沖時(shí)栽進(jìn)沙窩不能動了，我們這輛也陷進(jìn)流沙，嗚嗚地干嚎著。我跳下車不由分說立即用雙手猛刨輪下的沙子，惹得大伙全笑了，陳新增適時(shí)地為我搶拍下這一歷史性鏡頭。此時(shí)才知，前面的車中，昌本的頭磕了一個(gè)大包，張平膝蓋碰破，血流如注。我們趕忙去慰問，經(jīng)緊急處理，血止住了，不知從哪兒弄來大宗衛(wèi)生紙，把張平的腿包了個(gè)嚴(yán)實(shí)。他們那輛車真是拋錨了，須等待總部的大型車來拖，負(fù)責(zé)陪同的工長含笑道歉，說兩個(gè)司機(jī)都是新手；轉(zhuǎn)過臉卻狠狠剜了小司機(jī)一眼。小司機(jī)頑皮地吐了吐舌頭，說這下可得寫檢討了。

駐足沙原等候援救。此時(shí)頓覺，周身似有幾十個(gè)火爐烘烤著，臉上似有幾十條火舌狂舔著，人一張口就有一團(tuán)團(tuán)火往肺里鉆，太陽如慘白火盆懸在頭頂，好像上帝徐徐放出的白焰，得意于他烹調(diào)的燒烤。有人驚呼塑料鞋底變形了，有人仰脖子痛飲礦泉水，有人捂著臉下蹲。至此我始信，白晝地表溫度70℃多能煮熟雞蛋的話。我原先想，流沙不是蠻溫順的嗎？只要有足夠的腳力，徒步穿越未必不可能，現(xiàn)在看來近乎說昏話?！妒蛨?bào)》的路小路見多識廣，他說，也不是絕對不可能，有個(gè)逃犯，逃時(shí)抱了個(gè)西瓜，白天躲在沙坡背陰的坑里保存水分，夜里靠北斗星辨認(rèn)方向趕路，渴了就啃口西瓜皮，熬了六七天，真給他小子跑成了。不過，到頭還是給抓了回來。但他的斗沙經(jīng)驗(yàn)對我們很有用。也不知這是他胡編的，還是真事。

這次進(jìn)新疆，我隨身帶了斯文·赫定的《亞洲腹地八年探險(xiǎn)》和斯坦因的《沙埋和闐廢墟記》，有空就讀幾頁。怎么評價(jià)他們的功過呢，單看他們的冒險(xiǎn)精神、吃苦精神，你沒法不佩服。不過，他們那時(shí)進(jìn)塔克拉瑪干，主要靠當(dāng)?shù)氐鸟橊勱?duì)。想想駱駝，也著實(shí)偉大，不負(fù)“戈壁之舟”的美稱，倘若世無駱駝，人類面對廣袤無垠的沙漠，就只能發(fā)苦海無舟之嘆。絲路文明作為人類偉大的文化奇跡，少了駱駝的參與恐怕不能成立。記得大畫家吳作人20世紀(jì)40年代到西部，首先相中了畫駱駝，他是被駱駝在困境中的韌性震撼了，他畫熊貓之類那是后來的事?，F(xiàn)在好了，現(xiàn)代化的“戈壁之舟”沙漠車出現(xiàn)了，且不斷換代，比之駱駝，不知先進(jìn)了多少，實(shí)為科技文明征服沙漠的一大貢獻(xiàn)?？窗?，飛機(jī)在藍(lán)天翱翔，潛艇在海底游弋，沙漠車在沙原奔馳，科學(xué)技術(shù)真也威力無邊，物質(zhì)文明的成就多么值得自豪。

乘沙漠車后的當(dāng)夜，我做了一個(gè)夢，夢見我開著沙漠車，有點(diǎn)像乘坐“探路者”號在火星上行走，又像乘“阿波羅”號登上月球，因失去了地心引力，我漂浮著，晃蕩著，愜意極了。轉(zhuǎn)眼車速變得極快，神秘浩瀚的“死亡之?！?，在我的胯下服服帖帖地掠過，我一會兒發(fā)現(xiàn)了比尼雅古城大得多的無名古城遺址，一會兒找到了比克孜爾千佛洞更加瑰麗的無名萬佛洞?？墒峭蝗?，我和沙漠車被一巨大黑洞吸了進(jìn)去，我覺得自己在急速地墜落，墜落，向黑暗幽邃的地心栽下去……驚醒時(shí)我大汗淋漓，一定大聲呼救來著。

夢境終究是夢境，但地心的吸力似乎含有某種神秘的暗示，接下來我在油田耳濡目染的事實(shí)，不斷把生活中嚴(yán)酷的一面展露出來，逼我思索諸如人的作用、靈魂的凈化、科技與人的關(guān)系之類的問題。我在這里絕非矯情地故作高深，對過去那種鄙薄科學(xué)技術(shù)，空喊人的因素第一的高調(diào)，我大不以為然，但在更深刻的意義上，我卻在想，究竟是誰在征服沙漠，是沙漠車還是駕駛沙漠車的人？究竟人是車的附庸，抑或車是人的仆役？即使全面進(jìn)入了信息時(shí)代，人的智能達(dá)于巔峰，臟活累活全交給機(jī)器人干去了，人之為人的高貴，是否仍在于他并沒有失卻寶貴的道德激情、寬廣的仁愛胸懷和堅(jiān)忍不拔的毅力？

一位中年司機(jī)對我說，在沒有路的沙窩里運(yùn)器材，一天能走幾十公里就算快的，那時(shí)從輪臺到塔中，要走一個(gè)多月呢，哪像現(xiàn)在有了沙漠公路，一踩油門，嗚地就到了。在沙海里開車經(jīng)常會遇上沙暴，天地失色，狀如黑絮，能見度不到1米，沙粒把鼻眼全塞嚴(yán)了，氣都喘不上來；滲進(jìn)眼窩鼻孔的沙，一個(gè)月也洗不干凈。噢，怪不得我在沿途的油田招待所發(fā)現(xiàn)，洗臉池邊總備有大量棉球，不知何用，敢情是給石油工人清理鼻孔、眼圈用的。我還注意到，沙漠車?yán)锓庞胁簧傩l(wèi)生紙和空紙箱之類，甚感奇怪。問這位司機(jī)，他一個(gè)勁地笑，就是不說。問急了才說，在沙地開車最難熬的是酷熱，最熱時(shí)，空調(diào)根本不起作用，駕駛樓都快烤紅了，座位燙得沾不得，只好蹲著操作，有時(shí)干脆赤身裸體——沙漠缺水，被汗浸透的衣服到哪去洗啊?？扇松砩嫌械牟课怀龊固貏e多，時(shí)間長了會潰爛，這就需要雙腿夾著衛(wèi)生紙了，用量還不小。但屁股還是爛，爛了只好用土法惡治，就是曝曬，有時(shí)他們會一齊沖著太陽曬屁股，反正沙漠里沒人。他還說，裝礦泉水的空紙箱不能丟，沙漠里蚊子很毒，大便時(shí)把紙箱掏個(gè)洞坐進(jìn)去，可以防蚊；就是礦泉水的空瓶子也別亂扔，沙漠中容易迷路，用空瓶子裝了尿給后面的人做路標(biāo)，風(fēng)還吹不動哩。聽了這些，我先是哈哈大笑，笑出了淚，過后卻是說不出的沉重。我想象著，那是怎樣的滑稽而又悲壯，野性而又豪放，令人發(fā)笑又令人感傷?。∷a臟嗎？粗鄙嗎？不，一點(diǎn)也不，我看到的恰恰是潔凈。

是的，我很愿意用“潔凈”這個(gè)詞。沙漠多么荒遠(yuǎn)，沙子何其粗礪，但在某種意義上，它們又是最干凈的，最能澡雪精神，恢復(fù)自然人式的純真感。記得那次乘沙漠車回來，一只蒼蠅不知從哪兒鉆了出來，我們連連撲打。一直沉默的司機(jī)忽然說，別打了，就讓它免費(fèi)坐一段空調(diào)車吧，它能在這兒冒出來還真不容易呢，沒準(zhǔn)跟我們有緣分。車到塔中，司機(jī)似有意又似無意地邊說話邊拉開車窗，待蒼蠅出去了，他才慢慢地合上窗戶。我注意到了這個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)，我覺得別人也注意到了這個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)，一時(shí)間車廂里靜極了，大家好像全忘了下車。

沙暴、酷熱、焦渴固然難熬，更嚴(yán)重的是還會遇到生命危險(xiǎn)。聽說發(fā)生過這么一件事：一位師傅和他的徒弟碰上沙暴，大半個(gè)車身被埋，怎么也開不動，他們明知道飛機(jī)和救援者難以發(fā)現(xiàn)他們，可還是等待著。沙暴停了，水喝光了，東西也吃光了，每個(gè)白天都沒有任何消息，于是他們盼著夜的來臨。到時(shí)他們就一件件地脫下衣服，擰成火把，蘸上柴油點(diǎn)燃，高挑著，搖晃著，希望被發(fā)現(xiàn)，但等來的總是失望。徒弟奄奄一息了，挖開沙把臉埋進(jìn)去，僵仆著；師傅只有冒險(xiǎn)出走，連爬帶滾地摸索，終于在摸到沙漠飛機(jī)場的鋼鐵軌道時(shí)昏厥了。第二天早晨，有人看見軌道上趴著個(gè)什么動物，怪怪的，走近才發(fā)現(xiàn)是人。那個(gè)徒弟后來也找到了，蘇醒后，他一口氣喝下七瓶礦泉水。我還聽說，一個(gè)脫險(xiǎn)后回庫爾勒休假的青年司機(jī)，姓肖，約好與女友在孔雀河畔會面，當(dāng)他一眼看到女友身后清冽冽的河水時(shí)，竟不顧一切地一個(gè)猛子扎下去，再也沒能上來。有人說，這是出現(xiàn)了幻覺所致，也有人說，他的精神錯(cuò)亂了。

這年輕生命的夭折，使我想了很久。我倒寧可認(rèn)為，有了水才有了生命，生命的第一需要是水。他太想親近水了，以至于對水的渴望超過了對異性的渴望。這是怎樣令人震驚的悲劇啊。我想起一位姓顧的鉆井隊(duì)長十分坦率的話，他說：“你們到這里來，也就是看看，假如有個(gè)人什么也不要他干，能在這里呆夠兩個(gè)月，就是了不起的人了。我們每天干活十幾個(gè)小時(shí)，然后回車廂式的排子房睡覺，單身男人全住在一起，天天說，也沒什么話可說的。這里本不會有女人，近年因增加了服務(wù)設(shè)施，才有了一點(diǎn)，但談戀愛的有，亂來的沒有，誰亂來就把自己搞臭了。這里人的道德觀念就是如此，你們聽了也許覺得好笑。有人說我們待遇高，其實(shí)也不，除了工資沒有別的來源，要有就是放棄探親假把錢加上去，有家里太窮的已好幾年沒回過家了。所以，在這里呆久了會有‘三躁’：枯燥、急躁、煩躁，脾氣再好的人也難逃這‘三躁’?！彼詈笾刂氐卣f：“我厭煩沙黃色！”

我想，在這個(gè)世界上，有的人在找油，絕大多數(shù)人在用油。我知道煤是古森林經(jīng)海陸變遷形成的，那石油呢？我猜想它可能是古動物——軟體動物、魚類、兩棲類，以至爬行類如恐龍的肌體層層淤積衍化的，不然就不會那么加倍的熾烈。石油如血液般珍貴，現(xiàn)代文明社會須臾離不開它，海灣密布的戰(zhàn)云里，不就有一股濃濃的油腥味嗎？石油這東西也怪，可能它知道自己身價(jià)頗高，就總是藏匿在人跡罕至的地方，深隱在荒原、海洋、沙漠的幽邃的底層。這就增加了開采的難度，也注定了石油開采者生存境遇的悲壯。一個(gè)人生而為石油工人，須比常人承受更多苦難：他總是遠(yuǎn)離人群，不停地到?jīng)]有人沒有路，也沒有起碼物質(zhì)條件的地方去，同時(shí)，他還要舍棄享樂，而所棄的正是普通人最看重的東西，比如家園、性愛、天倫之樂、繁華勝景、人間煙火之類。于是，他的宿命就像塔中的那兩簇火炬，日夜不息地燃燒，直到燒盡為止。每念及此，我便感慨萬端。

春節(jié)期間的一個(gè)晚上，我路過一家歌舞廳，里面?zhèn)鞒隽烁杪暎歉柙~是：“風(fēng)沙吹老了歲月，吹不老我的思念，曾經(jīng)多少個(gè)今夜，夢回秦關(guān)……”也許因?yàn)楦枵叩纳ひ羯硢《n涼，我猛然想起了塔里木油田，想起了我采訪過的沙漠車司機(jī)和鉆井工人們，我固執(zhí)地認(rèn)為，這歌像是他們在唱，唱的是他們的心情。本來，回北京后，塔里木已變得非常遙遠(yuǎn)，我甚至感應(yīng)不到它的一點(diǎn)回聲了，可是此刻，我這都市的漂泊者似乎與沙漠漂泊者的心又交融到一起了。我知道，倘若沒有石油，城市會徹底癱瘓，我們會變成城里的沙漠人，然而，石油人獻(xiàn)給我們的難道僅僅是石油嗎？沙漠是冷寂的，但它的下面有火焰；都市是熱狂的，但它未必不會使人變得像貨幣般冷硬。地球的沙化令人不安，靈魂的沙化更讓人憂思。這么想著，我被一種廣大無邊的杞天之憂所籠罩，怔怔地立在街頭，淚水竟悄悄地爬上了眼瞼。

Zooming on oil-transporting highway four hours in Taklimakan Desert， our vehicle arrived in Tazhong. Toward sunset， Tazhong is like a lonely vessel， anchoring in the hinterland of the vast desert and leaving people in amaze at its romantic existence.

The so-called Tazhong is actually the name of Operation Center of Tarim Petroleum Administration for short （“Ta” from Tarim， and “zhong” means center）. Oil workers here call it as Tazhong City which must be the smallest one in China with less than one square kilometer. From distance we saw two natural-gas torches flaming in line. We were told that they have been burning for many years costing 100RMB per second. Off the vehicle， we headed to the torches. In this everlasting silence of Sand Ocean， the blue sky looks empty and high； the double torches seemed to be two huge fire balls from another star， hanging and being erratic in the sky. It was like dreaming in a magical paradise. Only the pole of National Flag of PRC drew us back to this real world. The setting sun， big and round， is bright and fiery red， sketching the contours of the vast sand ocean around us. The desert presented itself like continual waves， or attractive curves of a beautiful reclining lady. The sand patterns changed with the setting sun beams， colorful and unrealistic.

Though it was very hot， we didn’t sweat at all； dry and comfortable， seemingly we even didn’t need a shower. We had buffet in a workers’ cafeteria which looked like a train carriage. Food was simple while palatable. Opposite to the cafeteria was Tazhong Hotel we stayed in. Surprisingly in this remote desert， the hotel was so well-facilitated and no second to a hotel in a city. Even there were several girls in my sight in beautiful-colored skirts swaying away gracefully. In such a sudden， those horrible legends about deserts in my mind melted away. Standing against the window which was reflecting the flicker of the torches， I didn’t help talking to Wang Shiwei whose writing focused on petroleum industry， “This place is not as tough as expected.” He stared at me with his big eyes， seemingly thoughtfully， “You will see tomorrow.”

The second day was arranged to travel by desert vehicles as for our real experiences. I noticed fairly early that a group of big vehicles were like huge beasts， crouching along the road. These beasts had big square nose and long body； the wheels are at least 2 meters high. They looked terrifying at first sight； however， in a while you found them also lovely. These must be well-known desert vehicles. It was said that they could travel in barren desert and were regarded as vanguards when drilling oil in desert. The two vehicles that we were to take were called as “desert car” due to its relatively small size； even so the wheels were still as high as a person. Both of them were Mercedes Benz.

The leader of our writers’ team Chen Changben with an interview notebook in one hand， grubbed the handle with the other hand and got on the vehicle in a single bounce. He looked buoyant and vigorous and refused to choose the rear seats which were thought as safer. Since we came to Tarim Oilfield， he had arranged our interview on almost every evening. We were tired and couldn’t help dropping off， meanwhile no one would be comfortable to go have a rest， so we had to keep awake as well as we could. So far from being tired， he seemed to have endless vigor， and kept noting all the time. The writer Zhang Ping， proud of his youth and strength， took it upon to himself to determinedly choose the front seat. Our group， led by Old Li from a newspaper called Petroleum， was all good boys to accept any seat arrangement.

In the desert vehicle， one would feel like riding on a camel， which granted you a feeling of height. It was acceptable when we started. We were feeling mellow due to the bumps， which reminded me of joyful riding on a small donkey in childhood. People were not excited enough with these gentle bumps and asked to hit steeper sand slope. When we were in the real sand ocean， things became tougher. A sand dune though looked gradual in distance， would become very difficult and steep when approaching. The rising sun cast long shadows on the dunes， and we felt like losing in numerous hills around. The vehicle in front of us alternated between its climbing and diving used to be like a climbing lizard， then a diving tiger while our vehicle kept swirling like being in a Thomas Circle. It would roar for several times to climb a steep hill； then it ran lurching down like a fall down in a valley， which left us black out. No voice but fast-beating heart and sweating hands tightly clutching safe handles. I had never been so nervous even on the roller coaster in Shijingshan Amusement Park. Finally bad luck knocked： the front vehicle was stuck in sand after a dive， so was ours. The engine hummed invalid. I jumped off and immediately dug sand under wheels with hands. My funny movements triggered the laughter of my fellow-travelers. One of them Chen Xinzeng took the chance and photographed the historical scene. Later we knew that in the front vehicle Changben’s head was swollen with a bump and Zhang Ping’s knee was raw and bleeding. We hurried to offer our sympathy and help. The emergent first-aide stopped the bleeding. A roll of tissue paper which was found from nowhere was totally used to wrap his knees in such a tight and safe way. The front vehicle truly broke down and needed to be towed by another bigger vehicle from the Operation Center. The worker leader who was responsible for this travel apologized with an awkward smile， and explained that the two drivers were both green hands； when he turned around， I noticed that he gave the young driver a blaming glare. The naughty young driver quickly pulled his tongue out and said， a self-examination and criticism would be inevitable.

We had to stay there awaiting help. By that time we started to feel like being toasted beside doubles of fireplaces； seemingly doubles of tongues of flame lapping people’s face， once you opened your mouth， they would as if dart into your lung； high overhead， the pale disc of the sun was hanging like a huge fire ball which were lit by God who was so proud of his roasting skill. Someone screamed in surprise that the plastic shoes was melting； someone tilted back his head， drinking bottle water and satisfying his thirst； another one covered his face with hands and hunkered down to rest. Now I began to believe that eggs could be cooked by the heat of the land surface temperature of over 70℃ in daytime. I was wondering once： “wasn’t drifting sand gentle and slow？” If so， it would be possible to traverse the desert provided one is strong and healthy enough. Now I understood that this idea was almost nonsense. Lu Xiaolu from the newspaper Petroleum was well informed and he said that it was still of possibility actually and told a story. There was once a prisoner who escaped with holding a big watermelon in arms. In daytime he hid in shade of sand dune to conserve water in his body and at night he pushed on guided by the direction of the Big Dipper. He released his thirst with the only melon and survived six or seven days. You know what？ He made it！ He crossed this part of desert！ Though he was arrested again eventually， his experiences in fighting the desert were very helpful to us. I have no way to tell whether this is true or just a story he made up.

This time I came to Xinjiang with two books： History of the Expedition in Asia 1927-1935 by Sven Anders Hedin and Sand-buried Ruins of Khotan by Marc Aurel Stein and read pages once I got time. It is hard to judge them. Anyway we should show our respect to them for their adventurous and hard-working spirit. At that time they mainly depended on local camel team when entered into Taklimakan. Camels are really very great. They deserve the honor of being called as “the ship of desert”. Without camels， human could do nothing but sigh upon the vast expanse of deserts. Even the Silk Road Culture as a miracle of human civilization wouldn’t have been created without camels’ contribution. I remembered that when the great artist Wu Zuoren came to the west during 1940s， he was attracted by camels at the first sight and decided to draw pictures for them. He was moved and shocked by camel’s persistence. As for drawing pandas， it was a thing much later. Now things have become better that the desert vehicle appeared as modern “ship of desert”. Furthermore， they have been kept upgrading and much more advanced than camels. It was really a great contribution made by modern technology for human to conquer desert. Look， in the sky are flying planes， submarines swimming under ocean， and vehicles running in deserts. How powerful is the science and technology！ What a great achievement of material civilization！

That night I had a dream. In the dream I drove a desert vehicle， like Pathfinder walking on Mars， or Apollo on the moon. Without gravity I felt like floating on the ocean of desert and was in the full bloom of luxurious contentment. In no time the vehicle speeded up and the mysterious and vast “ocean of death” became tame. I found a nameless ancient city’s ruins which was much bigger than Niya Ancient City， then found a Ten-thousand Buddha Cave which was much more magnificent than Qizil Thousand-Buddha Cave. All of a sudden the vehicle and I together were swallowed by a huge dark hole. I felt myself falling down sharply， down toward the dark and gloomy Center of Earth...I must have been sweating when woke up in fright， maybe was calling help loudly.

Dream ends up to be a dream but it seems to indicate something mysterious. In the coming days the real life in oil field revealed its tough self to me and forced me to think over about the human’s influence， the purification of soul and the relationship between human and the science and technology and so on. Here I didn’t pretend to be deep in thinking this way. I never agreed with those people who looked down upon the development of the science and technology and thought human should be No. 1. While on a higher level I kept thinking who on earth was conquering the desert， the vehicle or the driver. Was human an appendage of vehicle， or vehicle the human’s handmaid？ Even in a complete information era， when the human intelligence would reach its top and all the hardest and dirtiest jobs would be arranged to robots， whether does the nobility of human still lie in the valuable morality， broad-minded benevolence， and unflinching perseverance？

A middle aged driver told me he had transported equipments in deserts from Luntai to Tazhong. It was regarded as fast if you could cover dozens of kilometers in one day. It would take one month to finish this journey. But now the desert roads shortened the distance and one step on the gas would make it. In desert when driving it is easy to meet sandstorm which looks like black cotton adding darkening the sky. The visibility is in less than 1m； the sand particles will block people’s nose and eyes； breath will be harder and tiny sand particles wouldn’t be cleared in at least one month. No wonder I noticed there were a lot of cotton balls beside wash basins in oil field hotels when I came along. I understood now they were used for oil workers to clear nostril or eyes. I also noticed that in the desert vehicle there were a lot of tissue paper and empty paper boxes； I wondered what would be their function. I asked the driver， he kept smiling rather than talking. I insisted asking and he opened his mouth to talk； driving in desert， the hardest part was to tolerate the extreme heat； the air conditioner wouldn’t help at all during the heat of daytime； the vehicle was almost burning and the driver’s seat was too hot to be seated； drivers had to squat on the seat and sometimes they would rather be naked when driving because there was no water to wash their sweat-soaked clothes. Meanwhile too much sweat would cause the festering of parts on legs， thus people usually put a lot of tissue paper under or in-between their legs. Even in this case it wouldn’t stop the festering so people use a folk remedy to sun their ass. Sometimes they would do it together； there were no other people anyway. He also told me not to throw away the empty paper boxes which were once used to contain bottle water. Mosquitoes in desert were usually very harmful so people would sit in a paper box when defecating to avoid mosquito bite； even the water bottles would be worthy to save； filled with urine， they could be used for other travelers as road signs because it was so easy to be lost in desert. And wind wouldn’t blow these bottles away. I burst into laughter till tears came out， then I felt unspeakably heavy in my heart. In my mind it was funny and sad， wild and bluff. What sentimentality it was！ Is this dirty？ Or rugged？ No， not at all， instead what I saw was purity.

Indeed， the word “purity” is my favorite. Desert is remote and sand is rough while in one sense they are the purest which could cleanse our soul and resume the sense of purity in a natural person. I remembered at that time when we came back， a fly was found in our vehicle and we tried to drive it away. The driver broke his usual silence and said， “Stop doing that. Why shall we not just let it be here and take a free and air-conditioned ride？ It is rare to appear here. Maybe we are destined to meet each other this way.” When arrived at Tazhong， the driver opened the window as he talking， and let the fly out in an intended while casual way. Then he closed the window slowly. I noticed this detail and I believed that other people noticed too. At that moment we were all very quiet and forgot to get off the vehicle.

It is very hard to survive sandstorm， extreme heat and thirst but the worse is to endanger your life. I heard such a story： a master and his apprentice encountered a sandstorm and their vehicle which was half buried couldn’t move at all. They clearly knew that it was difficult for planes or rescuers to find them， but they were still waiting hopefully. When the sandstorm stopped， they exhausted all of their water and food. No news in daytime， they were looking forward the fall of night. In the darkness of night， they took off their clothes to plait them together into a torch and watered them with diesel. They lit the torch and hang them high wavering and hoping to be noticed. What they got was nothing but disappointment. The apprentice was on the point of breathing his last； he dug the sand and put his face down inside. The master had no way but risked to walk out. He staggered to seek a way； finally he touched the steel rail toward the desert airport and he lost sense. In the second morning， someone saw an animal-shaped thing lying on the rail. When nearing， it turned out to be a person. The apprentice was found later. He tossed off seven bottles of water as soon as he recovered his consciousness. I heard another story about a young man with last name of Xiao who was on vacation after his survival. He dated his girl friend on the bank of the Peacock River. When he saw the clear river behind the girl， he took a header into deep water regardlessly and never came back. Some said that his illusion induced him； some other said he was mentally deranged.

Such a young life faded away before his time， which brought me into sorrowful thought. I would rather believe that he was too much willing to close water which was regarded as the source of life so as like he was reaching for life. This will to be alive was even stronger than the love for his girlfriend. What a shocking tragedy it was！ This reminded me of some very frank words from a rig manager Gu. He said：“ You guys come here for just looking around. If someone could stay here for very two months， even doing nothing， he would be admired as a great man. Everyday we need to work for around dozen hours， and then go back to the row， train-carriage like dormitory for rest. All single men are with together everyday and have nothing to talk about with each other. Before no women came here but in recent years， more service facilities were built therefore some women came to work. People here take love affairs very seriously； no one would play on each other’s affection or just get fun from sex. If someone is doing so， he or she would be notoriously degraded. Some people might think this is too conservative but that is people’s morality here. Some think that we are well-paid. That’s not true. Besides wage， we don’t have other income resource. If one would like to give up his home leave， he can get some subsidies. Some people haven’t gone home for several years to save money for their poor family. So， if you stay long here， people are easily annoyed， irritated or fretting. Even a good-tempered person can’t escape from these. At the end he uttered bitterly： “I hate the sand color！”

In this world some people are seeking oil while most of us are using. I knew coal was formed out of dead forests in a long slow process of sea-land changes. And oil？ I guess oil was from the animal lives---mollusks， fish， amphibians and reptiles such as dinosaurs. Sedimentary evolution and deposit resulted petroleum， or else it won’t be so blazing and fervent. Petroleum is as valuable as blood which is indispensible in modern society. Wasn’t the Gulf War covered by heavy clouds of petroleum？ Oil is sort of strange. It might know its high value so it hides in remote and untrodden places， in the deepest layer of wilderness， ocean or desert. This increases the difficulty to explore meanwhile it is destined that the life of oil workers would be filled with solemn and tragic toughness. One who was born to be an oil worker is supposed to suffer more hardship： he is always far from the crowd， keeps heading to unexplored places without any material comforts. Meanwhile he needs to cut himself off entirely from the pleasures and enjoyments of the world which are so valued in common people’s life such as hometown， sexual love， family love， the worldly prosperity and human daily happenings. So his destiny would be like the two torches in Tazhong， burning day and night till the last exhaustion. Each time when I think of it， all sorts of feelings well up in my mind.

One evening during the Spring Festival I passed by a karaoke bar， from inside came out a song： “The blowing wind in sands aged life， it couldn’t age my nostalgia. How many nights in my dreams I went back to my hometown...” Maybe due to the hoarse and desolated voice of the singer， I suddenly thought of Tarim Oil Field and the desert vehicle drivers and drilling workers. In my heart I insisted that this song is performed by them and for them. Back to Beijing， I thought Tarim would have been so far away from me and I even couldn’t sense it. But at that moment， I as a drifter in metropolis felt that my heart was with them again， with those drifters in desert. I understand cities would be paralyzed without oil and we would become “desert people”in city. In such a case， was it merely the oil that those workers in desert contributed to us？ Desert is cold and silent while it has fire underground； metropolis is fiery but it is not necessarily improbable to make people as cold as money. Desertification of the earth worried us much while desertification of the soul worried us more. Deep in my thought I was clouded by a vast expanse of fear， standing on the street silently. Tears stole down my cheeks.

（Translated by Wang Yanlin）