WEIBO WHACK

ALL HAIL CCTV!

Tragically, on May 28, in a McDonald's in Zhaoyuan, Shandong Province, a woman was violently beaten to death by six members of the “Almighty God” cult, who believed her to be a devil. Three days later, CCTV's Weibo feed released fi ve tips on how to identify a cult and warned citizens to report them to the police:

1. A cult denounces all other beliefs and claims itself as the greatest;

2. It espouses its own infallibility via brainwashing and self-praise;

3. It prof i ts from oppressing people;

4. It establishes a core network based on inside connections to ensure its own interests;

5. It espouses decent and noble things while undertaking dirty business.

Yet somehow these descriptions reminded Weibo users of, well, you know… — GINGER HUANG (黃原竟)

kingze_C：我好像明白了什么。I feel like I just realized something.

崔永元：很準(zhǔn)確。

Very accurate.

琢磨先生：哦，邪教是這樣啊。

Ah, so that's what a “cult” looks like…

正能量教授：這……這……中央電視臺(tái)真這么說(shuō)的？

Did…did…CCTV really just say that?

改之改之改：我夜觀天象，樓主這是要被封號(hào)啊。

I studied the stars last night and think that this Weibo account is going to be frozen.

GAOKAO GUARDIANS

Thegaokao(university entrance exam), considered to be the biggest event in every Chinese teenager's life, seemed to rack the nerves of more parents than students this year. To silence any sounds disturbing their precious study machines (children), some parents took drastic, paranoid action, such as poisoning the frogs in the community pond, fi ghting with square dancingdama, putting a ban on toilet fl ushing, putting a stop to elevator usage, and even patrolling exam areas to stop traff i c from making noise. - G.H.

作家崔成浩：其實(shí)沒(méi)什么可緊張的，制造那么大場(chǎng)面，反而打亂了平常的生活模式，會(huì)更緊張。其實(shí)，你們只要想到一點(diǎn)，就不緊張了，那就是，考上考不上，四年后都不一定找得到工作。真心祝好運(yùn)！

西門(mén)不暗：終于要看到高考生家長(zhǎng)和廣場(chǎng)舞大媽兩大不講理團(tuán)體進(jìn)行歷史性的對(duì)決了。

洪晃ilook：一個(gè)國(guó)家的制度讓國(guó)民變得自私得離譜，這是個(gè)好制度嗎？

請(qǐng)叫我成廣大人：就是因?yàn)檫@些家長(zhǎng)，孩子才會(huì)感覺(jué)到巨大的壓力，因此才導(dǎo)致考不好的學(xué)生有自殺的傾向。

In fact, there is nothing to be nervous about. Making such a fuss about everything only disrupts the daily routine and creates more tension. Here's one thing that will calm you down: four years later you may not be able to find a job anyway, with or without going to university. Good luck!

Finally, I am going to see the grand duel between the two most unreasonable communities—the gaokao examinees' parents and square dancing dama.

Can a system that turned the people so grotesquely selfish be called a good system?

These parents are the very source of the children's huge pressure. They are the reason the students who fail their gaokao become suicidal.

DOG—MEAT MEET

In Yulin, Guangxi Province, the locals have a tradition of eating dog meat in summer. It is said that on June 21, when the local “Lychee and Dog Meat Festival” begins, over 10,000 dogs are slaughtered. The city government said that the festival is not off i cial and that the government cannot, by law, ban the eating of dog. Numerous animal rights advocates and dog lovers went to Yulin to protest. Some of their more radical actions—such as breaking into restaurants by force to rescue dogs—have caused controversy. — G.H.

北京廚子：1. 我是動(dòng)物保護(hù)主義者；2. 我也反對(duì)微博上某些動(dòng)保組織的極端行為；3. 我自己不吃狗肉；4. 我鄙視吃狗肉；5. 別人扛著我的鄙視非要吃我也沒(méi)辦法；6. 但是如果你竟然敢官方搞狗肉節(jié)，老子就要砸你的牌子。

worthy-scorpio：說(shuō)什么抵制狗肉節(jié)是不尊重地方風(fēng)俗，那些抓寵物狗去販賣(mài)、屠宰的人就尊重過(guò)寵物主人嗎？現(xiàn)在多少被你們吃的狗是拐寵物，強(qiáng)搶來(lái)的呢？據(jù)說(shuō)還有食人族呢，等他住你家隔壁，看你尊不尊重他的飲食風(fēng)俗。

它基金-愛(ài)及生靈：自古以來(lái)，其他動(dòng)物是無(wú)法取代貓狗對(duì)我們的陪伴意義的。人類(lèi)文明在前進(jìn)，我們卻退化到只剩下了口腹之欲？任何生靈最終都可化作“肉”，被人類(lèi)煎烤烹之？

1. I am for animal rights; 2. I'm also against extremist animal rights organizations; 3. I don't eat dogs; 4. I despise dog-eating; 5. I can't help it if other people still choose to eat dogs despite my contempt; 6. But if you ever dare to hold an official dog meat festival, I'm going to rip your head off.

Some claim that to boycott the dog meat festival is to disrespect local tradition, but have those who steal, sell, and kill pet dogs respected their owners? How many dogs have you eaten that were robbed? I heard that there are cannibals somewhere, but if you live next door to a cannibal, let's see how well you respect his traditional diet.

Since antiquity, no other species of animal could possibly replace cats and dogs in that they offer companionship to mankind. Human civilization is progressing, but are we to be degraded by mere gluttony? Are all living things on earth but “meat” to be fried, roasted, and stewed?