幼年時(shí)，父親的衣服是我的“護(hù)身符”，黑夜里包裹著我，幫我驅(qū)散恐懼，伴我入眠；少年時(shí)，父親的衣著卻是我的“恥辱牌”，讓我在同學(xué)面前顏面掃地……漸漸長大后，我才意識(shí)到，父親不得體的衣著最好地詮釋了他對(duì)我深深的愛。

What my father wore embarrassed me as a young man. I wanted him to dress like a doctor or lawyer， but on those muggy1) mornings when he rose before dawn to fry eggs for my mother and me， he always dressed like my father.

He wore tattered2) jeans. He liked shirts that snapped3) more than those that buttoned and kept his pencils， cigars， glasses， wrenches4) and screwdrivers5) in his breast pocket. My father's boots were government-issues6) with steel toes that made them difficult to pull off his feet， which I sometimes did when he returned from repairing air conditioners， his job that also shamed me.

But， as a child， I'd crept into his closet and modeled his wardrobe in front of the mirror. My imagination transformed his shirts into the robes of kings and his belts into soldiers' holsters7). I slept in his undershirts and relied on the scent of his collars to calm my fear of the dark.

Within a few years， though， I started wishing my father would trade his denim8) for khaki9) and retire his boots for loafers10). I stopped sleeping in his clothes and eventually began dreaming of another father. I blamed the way he dressed for my social failures. When boys bullied me， I thought they'd seen my father wearing his cowboy hat but no shirt while walking our dog. I felt that girls snickered11) at me because they'd saw him mowing the grass in cutoffs12) and black boots. The girls' families paid men (and I believed better-dressed ones) to landscape their lawns， while their fathers yachted13) in the bay wearing lemon-yellow sweaters and expensive sandals14).

My father only bought two suits in his life. He preferred clothes that allowed him the freedom to move under cars and squeeze behind broken Maytags15)， where he felt most content. But the day before my parents' twentieth anniversary， he and I went to Sears16)， and he tried on suits all afternoon. With each one， he stepped to the mirror， smiled and nodded， then asked about the price and reached for another. He probably tried ten suits before we drove to a discount store and bought one without so much as approaching a fitting room. That night my mother said she'd never seen a more handsome man.

Later， though， he wore the same suit for my eighth-grade awards banquet， and I wished he'd stayed at home. After we came back home， he lauded17) my award and my character while changing into a faded red sweat suit. He was stepping into the garage to wash a load of laundry when I asked what even at age fourteen struck me as cruel and wrong. \"Why，\" I asked， \"don't you dress 'nice，' like my friends' fathers?\" He held me with his sad， shocked eyes， and searched for an answer. Then before he disappeared into the garage and closed the door between us， my father said， \"I like my clothes.\" An hour later my mother stormed into18) my room， and called me an \"ungrateful child，\" a phrase that echoed in my head for years to come.

As I matured， I realized that girls avoided me not because of my father， but because of his son. I realized that my mother had scolded me because my father could not， and it soon became clear that what he had really said that night was that there are things more important than clothes. He'd said he couldn't spend a nickel on himself because there were things I wanted. That night， without another word， my father had said， \"You're my son， and I sacrifice so your life will be better than mine.\" For my high-school graduation， my father arrived in a suit he and my mother had purchased earlier in Sears that day. Somehow he seemed taller， more handsome and imposing19)， and when he passed the other fathers they stepped out of his way. It wasn't because of the suit， of course， but the man.

The doctors and lawyers recognized the confidence in his swagger20)， the pride in his eyes. And when they approached him， they did so with courtesy and respect. After we returned home， my father replaced the suit in its garment bag， and I didn't see it again until his funeral. I don't know what he was wearing when he died， but he was working， so he was in clothes he liked. And that comforts me. My mother thought of burying him in the suit from Sears， but I convinced her otherwise and soon delivered a pair of old jeans， a flannel21) shirt and his boots to the funeral home.

On the morning of the services， I used his pocketknife to carve another hole in his belt so it wouldn't droop22) around my waist. Then I took the suit from Sears out of his closet and changed into it. Eventually， I mustered up courage23) to study myself in his mirror where， with the exception of24) the suit， I appeared small and insignificant. Again， as in childhood， the clothes draped25) over my scrawny26) frame. My father's scent wafted27) up and caressed my face， but it failed to console me. I was uncertain: not about my father's stature28)—I'd stopped being an ungrateful little twerp29) years before. No， I was uncertain about myself， my own stature. And I stood there for some time， facing myself in my father's mirror， weeping and trying to imagine the day I'll grow into my father's clothes.

在我十幾歲的時(shí)候，父親的穿著常常令我感到害臊。我希望他能穿得像個(gè)醫(yī)生或者律師。但在那些潮濕而悶熱的早晨，當(dāng)他天還沒亮就起床為我和媽媽煎雞蛋的時(shí)候，他總是只穿得像個(gè)當(dāng)爸的。

父親穿破舊的牛仔褲。比起系鈕扣的衣服，他更喜歡穿帶按扣的衣服。他將鉛筆、香煙、眼鏡、扳手和螺絲刀一股腦兒地放在胸前的衣兜里。父親的靴子是政府發(fā)的，前面帶著鋼頭，很難從腳上拽下來。有時(shí)候他下班回來，我會(huì)幫他脫靴子。父親的工作是維修空調(diào)，這也讓我覺得丟臉。

但在我小的時(shí)候，我會(huì)溜進(jìn)他的衣櫥，站在鏡前拿著他的衣服在自己身上比劃。我會(huì)把他的襯衫想象成國王的長袍，把他的皮帶想象成士兵的手槍皮套。我穿著他的汗衫睡覺，聞著他衣領(lǐng)上的味道來平息自己對(duì)黑暗的恐懼。

可過了沒幾年，我就開始希望父親脫下粗紋棉布的衣服，換上卡其布做的衣服；希望他甩掉工裝靴，穿上休閑漂亮的懶漢鞋。我不再穿著他的衣服睡覺，并且最終開始幻想自己有另外一個(gè)父親。我將自己的社交失敗都?xì)w咎于父親的著裝。當(dāng)男孩子們欺侮我的時(shí)候，我認(rèn)為這是因?yàn)樗麄兛匆姼赣H去遛狗的時(shí)候沒有穿襯衫，還戴了頂牛仔帽。我覺得女孩子們之所以在背后譏笑我，完全是因?yàn)樗齻兛匆娝┲Ｗ卸萄澓秃谘プ有藜舨萜?。那些女孩子家里則是雇人來替她們修剪草坪——我肯定她們雇的人都穿得比父親體面呢；而她們的父親在那個(gè)時(shí)候卻穿著檸檬黃的運(yùn)動(dòng)衫和昂貴的涼鞋，駕著游艇在海灣暢游。

父親這一輩子只買過兩套西服。他寧愿穿便于在汽車底下活動(dòng)、便于在壞了的美泰克電器后面擠進(jìn)擠出的衣服——這些地方總是讓他覺得很愜意。但在父母結(jié)婚20周年紀(jì)念日的前一天，父親和我一起去了西爾斯商場，試了一下午的西服。他試穿每一套西服的時(shí)候，都會(huì)走到鏡子前，微笑，點(diǎn)頭，詢問價(jià)格，然后伸手去拿第二件。他試了也許有十套西服，然后才和我開車去了一家折扣店。在那里，他試都沒試，就買下了一套西服。那天晚上，母親說，她從來沒見過一個(gè)比父親還帥氣的男人。

盡管后來他是穿著那套西服去參加我的八年級(jí)頒獎(jiǎng)宴會(huì)的，我卻希望他還不如待在家里。我們回到家后，他一邊換上洗得發(fā)白的紅色汗衫，一邊表揚(yáng)我的獲獎(jiǎng)和我的性格。就在他走進(jìn)車庫去洗那一滾筒的臟衣服時(shí)，我問了那個(gè)即使在14歲的我看來也覺得殘忍而錯(cuò)誤的問題?！澳銥槭裁淳筒荒芟裎业呐笥褌兊母赣H那樣穿得‘好’一點(diǎn)呢？”我問。他傷心、震驚地看著我，思索著該如何回答。過了一會(huì)兒，他說：“我喜歡我的衣服?！闭f著，他就走進(jìn)車庫，關(guān)上了我們倆之間的那扇門。一小時(shí)后，母親沖進(jìn)我的房間，責(zé)怪我是一個(gè)“不知好歹的孩子”。在隨后的數(shù)年里，這句話一直回蕩在我的腦海中。

當(dāng)我成熟一些之后，我意識(shí)到女孩子們之所以疏遠(yuǎn)我，不是因?yàn)楦赣H，而是因?yàn)槲易约?。我意識(shí)到母親之所以責(zé)怪我是因?yàn)楦赣H不愿意這樣做。我很快就意識(shí)到，他那天晚上真正要告訴我的是：有許多東西比衣服更重要。他說他不愿意在自己身上花一文錢，那是因?yàn)橐獫M足我的需要。那天晚上，父親只說了一句話，他說：“你是我兒子，我只有舍棄自己，才能讓你過得比我好?！蔽腋咧挟厴I(yè)的時(shí)候，父親穿著他和母親那天剛剛一起去西爾斯商場買的西服來參加典禮。不知為什么，我覺得他似乎比印象中更高大、更帥氣，也更令人難忘。當(dāng)他從其他同學(xué)的父親身旁走過時(shí)，那些父親們都給他讓道。這當(dāng)然不是因?yàn)槟翘孜鞣且驗(yàn)樗?/p>

那些醫(yī)生們和律師們從父親的昂首闊步中看到了自信，從他的眼睛里看到了驕傲。他們走近他的時(shí)候，都對(duì)他謙遜有禮、尊敬有加?；氐郊液螅赣H脫下那套西服，將它又放回西服袋里。一直到他的葬禮，我才再次看到那套西服。我不知道他去世的時(shí)候穿著什么衣服，但是當(dāng)時(shí)他正在上班，所以他應(yīng)該穿的是他自己喜歡的衣服，想到這一點(diǎn)讓我感到很欣慰。母親想讓他穿著那套從西爾斯商場買來的西服下葬，但我說服她不要那樣做，并且立刻送了一條舊牛仔褲、一件法蘭絨襯衫和他的靴子去殯儀館。

葬禮那天早晨，我用他的隨身小折刀在他的腰帶上挖了另一個(gè)孔，這樣，父親的腰帶就不會(huì)松松垮垮地掛在我的腰上了。然后，我從他的衣櫥里取出那套從西爾斯商場買來的西服換上。我最終鼓起勇氣，站到他的穿衣鏡前，審視自己。穿著父親那套寬大的西服，我顯得既矮小又無足輕重。像我小時(shí)候那樣，那套衣服再次掛在了我瘦弱的身上。父親身上的味道飄了上來，撫摸著我的臉龐，但卻沒能為我?guī)砦拷濉Ｎ也淮_信的不是父親的精神境界——幾年前我就已不再是不知好歹的傻小子了；不，我不確信的是我自己，我自己的精神境界。我在父親的穿衣鏡前站立良久，直面鏡中的自己，流著淚，竭力想象自己長大到能撐起父親衣服的那一天。

Vocabulary

1.muggy [5mQ^I] adj. (天氣等)悶熱而潮濕的

2.tattered [5tAtEd] adj. (衣服等)破爛的，破舊的

3.snap [snAp] vi. 啪地突然移動(dòng)至某位置，此處實(shí)際是指衣服是釘著按扣的。

4.wrench [rentF] n. 扳鉗，(活動(dòng))扳手

5.screwdriver [5skru:7draIvE(r)] n. 螺絲起子，螺絲刀

6.issue [5Isju:] n. 分配，分發(fā)

7.holster [5hEulstE(r)] n. (系在腰帶等上的)手槍皮套

8.denim [5denIm] n. 粗斜棉布，勞動(dòng)布(經(jīng)紗藍(lán)或褐色，緯紗白色)，此處指不好的布料

9.khaki [5kB:kI] n. (尤指用以作軍裝的)卡其布，卡其毛料，此處指好的布料

10.loafer [5lEufE(r)] n. 懶漢鞋，一種矮幫休閑男士名牌皮鞋的商標(biāo)。這種鞋的鞋面類似北美印第安人的鹿皮鞋，只是鞋跟寬而扁；這一商標(biāo)名在印刷中經(jīng)常以小寫字體出現(xiàn)。

11.snicker [5snIkE(r)] vi. 竊笑，暗笑

12.cutoffs [5kQtC:fs] n. <美口> (在膝蓋上方剪去牛仔褲褲管而成的)毛邊短褲

13.yacht [jCt] vi. 駕游艇；乘游艇

14.sandal [5sAndEl] n. 涼鞋

15.Maytag: 美泰克，美國一個(gè)著名的電器品牌。Maytag集團(tuán)總部在全球擁有近2萬名員工，年銷售額達(dá)47億美元，2008年被評(píng)為全美最受推崇的公司(Most Admired Companies)之一。

16.Sears: 西爾斯百貨，美國著名的百貨公司，誕生于1887年，由一個(gè)小鐘表店發(fā)展而來。到20世紀(jì)90年代初，它已在美國開設(shè)了800多家零售店，員工近45萬人，后于1993年倒閉。

17.laud [lC:d] vt. 贊美，稱贊

18.storm into: 橫沖直撞進(jìn)入，猛沖入

19.imposing [Im5pEuzIN] adj. 不凡的，給人印象深刻的

20.swagger [5swA^E(r)] n. 昂首闊步

21.flannel [5flAnEl] adj. 法蘭絨制的

22.droop [dru:p] vi. 低垂，下垂

23.muster up courage: 鼓起勇氣

24.with the exception of: 除了……之外

25.drape [dreIp] vi. 呈褶狀垂下

26.scrawny [5skrC:nI] adj. <口>骨瘦如柴的，皮包骨的

27.waft [wB:ft， wCft] vi. (在空氣中緩緩地)飄蕩

28.stature [5stAtFE(r)] n. (精神道德等發(fā)展達(dá)到的)高度境界，高度水平；下一處的stature一語雙關(guān)，既指“我”的身高，也指“我”的精神境界。

28.twerp [twE:p] n. <口> 笨蛋；討厭的家伙