My mother taught me the value of humor， especially when it comes to laughing at yourself，” my father told a group of 80 family members and friends. Was this a 1)memorial service? In a way， it was—with one exception: my dad’s mother was sitting in the front， alive and well. And smiling even.

The occasion was my grandmother’s 80th birthday party. Family and friends from all corners of the globe had gathered to celebrate her life—one of my cousins flew in from France， another was there from Nepal， and others had traveled from all over the United States. Four generations were represented， from my grandmother on down to her great-grandson. My grandmother’s oldest living school friend was even able to make it.

The last time I had seen many of these people was at my grandfather’s memorial service several years ago. At his service， I was moved to hear their stories about my grandfather and how much he meant to them. Of course， the stories would have meant even more if my grandfather had been there to hear how much he was loved and appreciated.

But this time， at my grandmother’s party， things were different: we were 2)reveling in sharing our stories of and love for this amazing person—who had made such a difference in all our lives—while she is still with us.

Our immediate family acted as hosts and hostesses， greeting partygoers and helping them answer questions to the “Did-you-know-this-about-Jean?” quiz that served as an 3)icebreaker. Before long， the stories were flowing. “Did you know Jean played the piano?” I overheard one friend ask another. “Hmmm， that must have been before she got 4)arthritis，” the other replied. “Actually， she used to make up songs on the piano for me when I was a little girl，” I interjected. “Once when I was five， I pointed to a picture in a book of Christmas 5)carols and asked her to play it. She proceeded to play and sing a festive and fun song that did indeed match that picture， and I loved it—not knowing at the time that she had made it up 6)on the spot.”

My grandmother’s friends who didn’t know each other previously were chatting with one another

7)lightheartedly. My grandmother and her oldest friend were giggling like schoolgirls. In place of tears streaming down our faces， like at my grandfather’s memorial service， there were smiles as we moved about the room. And when it came time to sing some of my grandmother’s favorite songs， it was done with 8)merriment rather than sadness and regret.

My grandmother’s one birthday request， besides having all her children， grandchildren， and one

great-grandchild present， was to have photographs taken of the whole family on this happy occasion. Since the photos don’t tell the whole story， though， I have decided to take this one step further by working on an oral history of our family， beginning with stories about my grandmother as well as stories told by her. This way we can preserve a part of this day that was spent celebrating her life. And we can pass this celebration of both my grandmother and her family on to generations who have yet to be born.

At my grandmother’s party， I learned things about her that I never knew—like， for example， that she had driven her three young boys across the country by herself when my grandfather was across the ocean flying on missions for the Air Force. Around the time of my grandfather’s memorial service， I had learned a lot of interesting things about him， too. For instance， I knew before that he had flown in three wars， but I didn’t know any of the specifics. After he died， I found out that he had received many medals and had rescued a great number of people. I still don’t know， though， what my grandfather felt about his experiences: he must have been scared during wartime. How did he deal with that? How did serving in each of these wars change him as a person? He never offered this information， and I never asked.

But I still have the chance to ask my grandmother about her life， her feelings， her fears and her dreams. There are so many things to learn from her: How did she handle questions from her children about their father during wartime? How did she handle her own fears about whether or not her husband would return each time he had to leave? What were her dreams when she was younger? What are they now?

Often we see the people we love 9)on a regular basis and take them for granted because they’re always there. We get into a routine of talking about the weather， what we did yesterday， or who won the baseball game. But do we really know each other? You can always make the first move to find out. Unconditional love is a wonderful thing， but taking a step further by truly getting to know someone you love is a way to honor both that person and the relationship you have with them. I’m excited to begin my project of interviewing

and tape-recording everyone in my family—it will help me get to know them all better. After I’ve attained a substantial collection of stories from and about our family， I’ll have the tape made into a CD and will give a copy to each member of our family to keep.

I’m starting with my grandmother.

我老媽曾教導(dǎo)我幽默的重要性，特別是在自嘲方面，”我爸跟一群人這樣說(shuō)道。這80個(gè)人中，有我們的親戚，也有朋友。在舉行追思會(huì)嗎？從某種角度來(lái)說(shuō)，的確是——但和普通的追思會(huì)有一點(diǎn)不同：我爸的老媽正坐在最前面，她活得好好的呢，甚至還面帶微笑。

那次是我祖母八十大壽。親友們都從世界各個(gè)角落過(guò)來(lái)，聚在一起為她慶生——我有個(gè)表親從法國(guó)飛回來(lái)，還有一個(gè)從尼泊爾過(guò)來(lái)，其他的都從美國(guó)各地趕來(lái)。我們四代同堂，從祖母那代開(kāi)始，到她的曾孫。甚至連我祖母那還在世的一位年齡最大的同學(xué)也到了。

我最近一次見(jiàn)到他們中的大部分人是幾年前在我祖父的追思會(huì)上。那次追思會(huì)，聽(tīng)到他們說(shuō)起祖父的故事，說(shuō)祖父對(duì)他們有多重要，讓我很感動(dòng)。當(dāng)然，如果我祖父在場(chǎng)，聽(tīng)到他如何受人愛(ài)戴和感激，那些故事會(huì)顯得更有意義。

而這次，在我祖母的生日會(huì)上，一切都不同了：我們陶醉于分享這位令人驚嘆的人物的故事，分享我們對(duì)她的愛(ài)——是她讓我們所有人的生活如此不同——當(dāng)她還在世的時(shí)候。

我們這些最親的兒女子孫充當(dāng)了主人的角色，招呼來(lái)參加生日會(huì)的賓客，為了搞氣氛，我們?cè)O(shè)計(jì)了“你知道關(guān)于吉恩的這件事嗎?”問(wèn)答環(huán)節(jié)，賓客如果不會(huì)回答，我們還會(huì)提示幫忙。不一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)又一個(gè)關(guān)于祖母的故事就來(lái)了?！澳阒兰鲿?huì)彈鋼琴嗎？”我無(wú)意中聽(tīng)到一個(gè)朋友在問(wèn)另一個(gè)朋友。

“嗯……那肯定是在她得關(guān)節(jié)炎之前的事了?！绷硪粋€(gè)朋友回答道?！笆聦?shí)上，她過(guò)去常彈鋼琴為我作曲，那時(shí)我還是個(gè)小女孩?！蔽也遄斓溃坝幸淮?，那時(shí)我只有五歲，我指著一本圣誕頌歌集上的一幅圖讓她彈奏出來(lái)給我聽(tīng)。她真的彈了，還唱了一首很有節(jié)日氣氛的歡快的歌曲，真的和那幅圖的感覺(jué)很吻合，我很喜歡，但那時(shí)不知道原來(lái)是她即興編出來(lái)的。”

我祖母的那些朋友，有些之前互不相識(shí)，聚在一起就自然輕松地攀談起來(lái)了。我祖母和那位年紀(jì)最大的老朋友格格笑起來(lái)的樣子就像小女生。不像我祖父追思會(huì)上那種大家淚如泉涌的場(chǎng)景，這次，我們?cè)谖葑永镒邉?dòng)，看到大家都是面帶笑容的。到了要唱一些我祖母最喜歡的歌曲時(shí)，大家都是興高采烈地唱，而不是帶著悲傷和遺憾的心情。

祖母除了想自己的子孫（包括一個(gè)曾孫）齊聚一堂之外，還有一個(gè)生日愿望——全家人在這快樂(lè)的聚會(huì)里拍一張家庭大合照。由于照片并不會(huì)自己講述故事，所以我決定再進(jìn)一步，收集整理口述家族史，從祖母的故事以及她講述的故事開(kāi)始。這樣，為她慶生的這一天的記憶就能保存下來(lái)。我們還能把祖母和她家人的這段慶祝片斷留傳給尚未出世的后代。

在我祖母的生日會(huì)上，我了解到一些之前從不知道的事情，比如，當(dāng)年我祖父飛越大洋執(zhí)行空軍任務(wù)時(shí)，她曾自己開(kāi)車(chē)載著三個(gè)小兒子穿越美國(guó)。在我祖父的追思會(huì)期間，我也聽(tīng)說(shuō)了很多關(guān)于他的有趣的事。比如，我之前只知道他生前曾在三場(chǎng)戰(zhàn)役中執(zhí)行空軍任務(wù)，但不清楚任何細(xì)節(jié)。他去世后，我發(fā)現(xiàn)他曾獲得很多勛章，拯救了不少人。但我仍不了解祖父對(duì)自己這些經(jīng)歷的感受。他在戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)上肯定也害怕過(guò)。他怎么調(diào)整那種情緒？參與這三次戰(zhàn)役，每一次的經(jīng)歷使他發(fā)生了什么改變？他從未提過(guò)這些，我也從未問(wèn)起。

但我仍有機(jī)會(huì)追問(wèn)祖母有關(guān)她的人生，她的感受，她的恐懼和她的夢(mèng)想。從她身上有那么多東西可以問(wèn)：戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)期間，孩子問(wèn)起他們的父親時(shí)，她如何回答那些問(wèn)題？每次當(dāng)丈夫得離開(kāi)，她如何應(yīng)對(duì)自己對(duì)丈夫是否能歸來(lái)的恐懼？她年輕時(shí)有過(guò)什么夢(mèng)想？現(xiàn)在都已實(shí)現(xiàn)了嗎？

我們經(jīng)常見(jiàn)到所愛(ài)的人，不把他們當(dāng)一回事，因?yàn)樗麄兛傇谏磉?。我們例行公事般地談?wù)撈鹛鞖?，談?wù)撟蛱熳隽耸裁矗蛘哒l(shuí)贏了籃球賽。但我們真的互相了解嗎？你總可以邁出第一步去尋找這其中的答案。無(wú)條件的愛(ài)是很美妙的東西，但邁出更大的一步去真心了解你愛(ài)的那個(gè)人是尊重他，也是尊重你們之間關(guān)系的一種方式。開(kāi)始這樣一項(xiàng)對(duì)家里每一個(gè)人進(jìn)行采訪和錄音的計(jì)劃讓我很興奮——這能幫助我更好地了解他們。等我從家人和外人那兒了解到翔實(shí)的家族故事之后，我會(huì)把錄下來(lái)的內(nèi)容刻進(jìn)一張CD，分發(fā)給家族每一位成員保存。

我將先從我祖母著手！