I have always loved Simon Cowell for his honesty—the way he tells people straight whether they are good or bad. To me， he has always been a bit of a god， someone who could get you anywhere， 1）music-wise. So last summer， aged 12， I applied for Britain’s Got Talent， with a dream： I wanted to make something of the harp.

In October I had my audition in front of the judges. In the 2）holding area I sat by an old man with a suitcase full of live cockroaches that he was eating for his performance， two 3）rollerbladers （one in swimming shorts）， some 4）line dancers and a man who was reciting lines from Gladiator.

It was scary waiting to go on， sitting 5）in the wings for hours while a guy warmed up the audience： he was getting them to 6）fever pitch and they were already shouting “Shit！ Shit！ Shit！” I was the second act. I was told that I would have five or ten minutes after the first act to get ready but the rollerbladers got 7）buzzed off in seven seconds and then Ant and Dec were saying： “Go， Hero！”

The crew had gone over and over with me where my head was to be when I played， and as soon as I was on stage I realised why. I was looking directly at Cowell， who yawned and rolled his eyes before I had even sounded a note. He kept it up the whole way through my performance. The trouble with a harp is that it’s difficult to move so I was stuck looking at him while performing in front of nearly 2，000 people. I had wanted to do one of my own compositions， which I’d played at the audition， but had been told I should do a cover， so I did Run by 8）Snow Patrol. I was lucky： the audience loved it. I got a 9）standing ovation and cheers all the way through. Alesha Dixon wiped away a tear， David Walliams said I was amazing， so did Amanda Holden， but Simon’s evil stare continued. I suspect he had made up his mind about me long before， as I could see him looking at notes when he gave me a “No” and said that the harp didn’t do it for him； it was old-fashioned. The audience started to 10）chant： “Harp up， Simon！” I tried to stand up to him and said that what I want to do is show that the harp can be used like a guitar for contemporary music.

I came off （the） stage wanting to cry， but I had got three yeses so had to leap up and down acting happy in front of the cameras， with Ant and Dec congratulating me on being through to the next round. But last month， the night before I was due back on BGT， the phone rang： I had been dropped. I had wasted half my 11）half term getting ready for that. Cowell shatters dreams and yet I so wanted to impress him.

I still want the harp to be the new guitar； I hope I can do it.

我一直都很喜歡西蒙·考威爾，因?yàn)樗奶孤手毖浴獰o論對(duì)方是好是壞，他告知他們的方式總是那么直接。對(duì)我而言，他就是神的化身，一個(gè)在音樂領(lǐng)域能將你推到任何位置的神人。所以去年夏天，十二歲的我報(bào)名參加了《英國達(dá)人》選秀比賽，懷抱著這樣一個(gè)夢(mèng)想：讓豎琴在我的指尖綻放光彩。

十月份的時(shí)候，我在評(píng)委面前進(jìn)行了試鏡。在等候區(qū)，坐在我旁邊的是：一位老先生，他帶著一整個(gè)手提箱的活蟑螂，準(zhǔn)備表演生吃蟑螂；兩名輪滑溜冰者（其中一位還穿著泳褲），一群集體舞者，還有一個(gè)正在背誦《角斗士》臺(tái)詞的男人。

可怕的等待持續(xù)蔓延著，我們?cè)诤笈_(tái)干坐的好幾個(gè)小時(shí)里，一個(gè)男人在調(diào)動(dòng)現(xiàn)場(chǎng)觀眾的情緒，讓他們狂熱起來，但觀眾已經(jīng)在大吐臟話了。我是第二個(gè)上場(chǎng)表演的。他們告訴我，在第一個(gè)表演之后，我會(huì)有五或十分鐘的準(zhǔn)備時(shí)間，但輪滑溜冰者在七秒后就掛掉了，于是安特和德克朝我喊：“海洛，上！”

工作人員之前再三和我確認(rèn)演奏時(shí)我面向的方位，直到站上舞臺(tái)，我才知道為什么。我直直地看向考威爾，而他在我甚至連一個(gè)音符都還沒開始演奏前就已經(jīng)哈欠連連、大翻白眼了。在我的整個(gè)表演過程中，他一直都是這樣。因?yàn)樨Q琴很難挪動(dòng)，所以在近2000名觀眾前，我只能被迫看著他來演奏。我想演奏一首我自己的創(chuàng)作——就是我之前試鏡時(shí)彈奏過的曲目——但他們卻要我演奏其他名曲，所以我演奏了雪地巡游者的《離開》。我是幸運(yùn)的：觀眾們喜歡我的表演。一路下來，全場(chǎng)觀眾為我起立鼓掌、歡呼喝彩。阿麗莎·迪克森擦去眼淚，大衛(wèi)·威廉姆斯說我令人驚艷，阿曼達(dá)·霍爾登也給了我很高的評(píng)價(jià)，但西蒙惡魔般的盯視持續(xù)著。我懷疑他老早就把我打入地獄，因?yàn)樵谒o我一個(gè)“淘汰”，并且說豎琴已經(jīng)過時(shí)、不對(duì)他胃口時(shí)，我看到他正盯著筆記看。觀眾開始不停地喊著：“豎琴很現(xiàn)代，西蒙！”我試圖與他對(duì)抗，反駁說我想做的是證明豎琴也可以像吉他一樣用來演奏現(xiàn)代音樂。

我走下舞臺(tái)，想要大哭一場(chǎng)，可我已經(jīng)拿到了三個(gè)“通過”，所以當(dāng)安特和德克在攝像機(jī)前恭喜我進(jìn)入下一輪時(shí)，我得暴跳一番，一副開懷興奮的樣子。但上個(gè)月，在我原定回到《英國達(dá)人》舞臺(tái)的前一晚，電話響了：我被淘汰了。我浪費(fèi)了半個(gè)期中假來準(zhǔn)備這個(gè)比賽。雖然考威爾粉碎了我的夢(mèng)想，但我還是很想給他留下深刻的印象。

我仍舊想讓豎琴成為新式吉他；我希望我能做到。

小資料

西蒙·考威爾（Simon Cowell，1959—）身上有許多頭銜：現(xiàn)代流行音樂的開拓者、唱片及電視節(jié)目制作人、唱片公司老板、“西城男孩”的恩師，但讓他揚(yáng)名全球的恐怕是“選秀節(jié)目評(píng)委”這一身份了。作為包括《美國偶像》（American Idol）、《英國達(dá)人》（Britain’s Got Talent）、及《X元素》（The X Factor）在內(nèi)的多個(gè)知名電視選秀節(jié)目的評(píng)委，西蒙發(fā)掘了不少人才。

西蒙·考威爾是個(gè)“臭名昭著”的評(píng)委，以尖刻嚴(yán)厲的“毒舌”著稱，他對(duì)參賽者尖銳刻薄的評(píng)論常常引發(fā)爭議。雖然西蒙在節(jié)目中評(píng)論尖刻，但他的確是這些選秀節(jié)目的靈魂人物，如果少了他，節(jié)目將會(huì)失去很多樂趣，很多人喜歡看這些節(jié)目也是因?yàn)樗跓o遮攔的點(diǎn)評(píng)。到底他有多“毒舌”呢？你一看便知——

1. It is a beautiful song when you’re not singing it.

你不唱它的時(shí)候，它是首好歌。

2. That was extraordinary. Unfortunately， extraordinary bad！

你的表演很特別。不幸的是，特別地差勁！

3. You have just invented a new form of torture.

你發(fā)明了一種折磨人的新手段。

4. If you had lived 2，000 years ago and sung like that， I think they would have stoned you.

如果你生活在兩千年前，唱成這樣，我想人們會(huì)向你扔石頭的。

5. There’s only so much punishment a human can take. I can’t take anymore.

人類能承受的懲罰是有限的，我再也無法忍受了。